If both are working I think there is need for three accounts.
One that is for paying bills that both parties put an equal amount into each month.
Then one spending account for each one.
One that is for paying bills that both parties put an equal amount into each month.
Then one spending account for each one.
Drekce
Golden Member
- Sep 29, 2000
- 1,398
- 0
- 76
I really don't understand how it can work as smoothly if the money isn't seen as "ours." I have been married for a while now, and love the fact that we don't keep our money seperate. We have friends who do keep different accounts, and they have more arguments about money than I could imagine. A marriage is supposed to be about two people becoming one...how can you do that while keeping finances seperate. The only reason that I can think of keeping money seperate is to provide for an easier time when going through a divorce. The thing is that if you are worried about divorce when you get married, you have absolutely NO business getting married in the first place.
Just my thoughts.
Just my thoughts.
kranky
Elite Member
- Oct 9, 1999
- 21,017
- 147
- 106
The only right answer is the one that the couple agrees on. Money is the number one thing that breaks up marriages, so whatever system you use there had better be agreement.
What works for us: One checking account, I pay the bills. We each get cash weekly for our own personal use, which we can spend or save. That's the money we can do whatever we want with without needing to consult the other. No shopping without prior discussion. We have a budget and try to stick to it.
What I don't think will work in many marriages:
- The person who makes more money gets more money, or gets a larger say in where the money goes. That's not a marriage, it's a business.
- As long as there is money in the bank, the first person who gets to it can spend it. No planning will mean problems.
- Not recognizing that everyone feels differently about the way the money should be handled. Learn to see things the way your partner does and take that into consideration. For example, I'm a saver, she's less interested in saving (but not a shopaholic). We have to see each other's viewpoints when making decisions.
I work with a woman who, when she got married 20 years ago, agreed with her husband that they would each have separate checking accounts, and divided up the bills so they would each pay some of them. But his pile of bills was the mortgage. She had all the others. Over time, naturally her bills were going up (utilities, insurance, etc.) and his didn't. Ten years later her pile was 30% more, she wanted to rework the system, and his answer was that she should have thought about that when they first agreed on how it was going to work. They divorced not long after that.
What works for us: One checking account, I pay the bills. We each get cash weekly for our own personal use, which we can spend or save. That's the money we can do whatever we want with without needing to consult the other. No shopping without prior discussion. We have a budget and try to stick to it.
What I don't think will work in many marriages:
- The person who makes more money gets more money, or gets a larger say in where the money goes. That's not a marriage, it's a business.
- As long as there is money in the bank, the first person who gets to it can spend it. No planning will mean problems.
- Not recognizing that everyone feels differently about the way the money should be handled. Learn to see things the way your partner does and take that into consideration. For example, I'm a saver, she's less interested in saving (but not a shopaholic). We have to see each other's viewpoints when making decisions.
I work with a woman who, when she got married 20 years ago, agreed with her husband that they would each have separate checking accounts, and divided up the bills so they would each pay some of them. But his pile of bills was the mortgage. She had all the others. Over time, naturally her bills were going up (utilities, insurance, etc.) and his didn't. Ten years later her pile was 30% more, she wanted to rework the system, and his answer was that she should have thought about that when they first agreed on how it was going to work. They divorced not long after that.
Dang, that's sad.
Money is the root of all evil.
We also started a budget a few months ago and it's hard to stick to it but it sure is nice to see where all the money goes in stead of just looking at a bunch of cash withdrawl receipts at the end of the month and wondering where it all went to.
Money is the root of all evil.
We also started a budget a few months ago and it's hard to stick to it but it sure is nice to see where all the money goes in stead of just looking at a bunch of cash withdrawl receipts at the end of the month and wondering where it all went to.
<< One that is for paying bills that both parties put an equal amount into each month. >>
If anyone thinks that marriage is a 50/50 proposition, they better not get into it in the first place. The best marriage is a 100/100 situation, where each is willing to give 100, regardless of what the other it doing. As fallen humans, the best the normally occurs is probably more like at 75/75 marriage.... but even that is a WONDERFUL and GREAT thing!
<< Yep. Last time it was about $700 on drapes and shears for the windows. >>
If this is considered normal, it may be time to think about either financial or marriage counceling. Unless, that is, you make a few hundred grand per year and the $700 was just chump change.
Joe
To quote my wonderful wife: "What's yours is mine; and what's mine is... mine!"
Seriously, though... we've shared our incomes and bills from day one. When we first got married we both worked full-time. Now that we have our first child, we've decided it's best for her to stay home and raise our daughter (and any future children). Although money is tighter now with only my income, everything is working out well. She's even insisted on working part-time on weekends (since I am home to babysit) just so we can have some extra "play" money.
My wife always asks me before making big purchases, and I do the same. It's not like we have to ask for each other's permission, but that we have enough respect for each other to include one another in the decision making process.
Seriously, though... we've shared our incomes and bills from day one. When we first got married we both worked full-time. Now that we have our first child, we've decided it's best for her to stay home and raise our daughter (and any future children). Although money is tighter now with only my income, everything is working out well. She's even insisted on working part-time on weekends (since I am home to babysit) just so we can have some extra "play" money.
My wife always asks me before making big purchases, and I do the same. It's not like we have to ask for each other's permission, but that we have enough respect for each other to include one another in the decision making process.
>>If this is considered normal, it may be time to think about either financial or marriage counceling<<
Yea, okay. Conversely, I would argue that if you need to establish a joint account to show your love, or to "become one," maybe you, sir, should seek the counseling. My spouse and I have much more in common than just money, and we are able to "become one" without feeling a need to establish a joint account....
Yea, okay. Conversely, I would argue that if you need to establish a joint account to show your love, or to "become one," maybe you, sir, should seek the counseling. My spouse and I have much more in common than just money, and we are able to "become one" without feeling a need to establish a joint account....
<< One account - isn't it a partnership? All the marriages I've seen that maintained separate accounts had an underlying tension about money issues and seemed lacking in commitment. If you don't really trust the person you're marrying with your money why in the world would you trust 'em with your life and heart?!? >>
not nessarily, some people are shop-a-holics like my wife. it's an obesstion. So now she sells tupperware, and the money she makes from that is hers. the rest of it is my money, of course the majority of the bills comes out of my money, but hey atleast we aren't scrounging for food money.
I've been married for 4 years and just recently went to a joint account. It had nothing to do with "We Are One" while looking dreamily into each other's eyes or anything...it's just easier to pay the bills. It was always kind of a pain to each write half the mortgage check, divvy up the utilities, etc (we make about the same salary). She's not a huge impulse buyer, other than new shoes from time to time...and I of course have the golfing and PC stuff habits to support, but so far, so good. If anything it has curtailed large impulse buys as it's harder to hide the bill for that new CPU when there's only one checking account statement.
Fausto
Fausto
The Mister is very obsessive about our finances and he does control them. He has the mind/personality of an engineer/accountant type... I run and hide when he pulls up Quicken. He gives me money from it every month for groceries, and there are a hundred little budgeted items so if the kids need shoes I'll ask him what available in the clothing budget, and so on and so forth.
I have my own little account that I fund with my freelance projects, babysitting, etc. I use it to buy presents for him and for others and I also use it for things I want but are not budgeted or 'approved'(I have my eye on a console table from Pottery Barn right now).
If I want something big (like a family vacation to New England) we simply fit it in to the budget and then save up for it.
I really don't mind it this way... I was in charge of the finances in my first marriage and my ex husband was incredibly irresponsible. It seems I have the opposite extreme in the Mister but I prefer his approach to money matters any day!!!
edit: I am a stay-at-home/home schooling mom as well. If it were otherwise, I might not be so agreeable to our arrangement... in a marriage, you make 'deals' and this is our deal.
I have my own little account that I fund with my freelance projects, babysitting, etc. I use it to buy presents for him and for others and I also use it for things I want but are not budgeted or 'approved'(I have my eye on a console table from Pottery Barn right now).
If I want something big (like a family vacation to New England) we simply fit it in to the budget and then save up for it.
I really don't mind it this way... I was in charge of the finances in my first marriage and my ex husband was incredibly irresponsible. It seems I have the opposite extreme in the Mister but I prefer his approach to money matters any day!!!
edit: I am a stay-at-home/home schooling mom as well. If it were otherwise, I might not be so agreeable to our arrangement... in a marriage, you make 'deals' and this is our deal.
In churches, they say "Two shall become one".You still have your own separate identities, but you now have one shared relationship.If one of you died, the other one would in most cases, inherit the assets, and the liabilities of the other.
>>>It had nothing to do with "We Are One" while looking dreamily into each other's eyes<<<
In your case, sir, I fully understand...For some people, a joint account is quite a bit more convenient than having two separate accounts. But to establish one not out of necessity or convience, but simply to "become one" and reaffirm your "love" is quite sad, in my opinion?
Just my $.02; keep the change........and have your wife write it into the ledger before you forget.
In your case, sir, I fully understand...For some people, a joint account is quite a bit more convenient than having two separate accounts. But to establish one not out of necessity or convience, but simply to "become one" and reaffirm your "love" is quite sad, in my opinion?
Just my $.02; keep the change........and have your wife write it into the ledger before you forget.
Two accounts of course. One she shares and one she doesn't know about tucked somewhere in some SA island.
One checking account
Money is "ours".
Bills are "ours".
Elita and I both hate doing the finances though.
Money is "ours".
Bills are "ours".
Elita and I both hate doing the finances though.
I have been married for 7 months now and we have separate checking accounts and one savings account. I pay almost all the bills.....mortgage, utlities, cable, my car note, and insurance. She pays her car note and groceries. She puts the rest in our savings. I contribute to savings when I build up enough in checking. It works great this way. We definitely don't have a problem over money. I just know if we shared a checking account I would then get mad because she forgot to tell me about a check or ATM withdrawl she made. I keep up with my money down to the last penny, she on the other hand is more laid back and will sometimes forget to log something. So with her having her on checking I don't have to worry about it. I can pay all the bills and know exactly what I have.
Slap
Slap
I've been married 18 years and we actually do it both ways. We have a joint checking account and I have a separate account of my own. My wife takes care of all the household bills and manages the finances. I just hand her my paycheck each week and that's that.
My own separate account is used for my little computer business on the side. That sideline generates enough income to cover my daily expenses (gas, lunch, etc) and keep me equipped with the latest "toys."
My own separate account is used for my little computer business on the side. That sideline generates enough income to cover my daily expenses (gas, lunch, etc) and keep me equipped with the latest "toys."
We have a joint account, and I do the books. I just make sure she keeps track of her spending in the checkbook (she loves that debit card). Any big purchases are discussed between us. It works out fine.
BigSmooth
Lifer
- Aug 18, 2000
- 10,484
- 11
- 81
I'm not married yet, but I live with my GF. We each have our own accounts, but we have a joint account that we both put equal amounts of money into each month.
We use the joint account to pay for rent, food, utilities, and for stuff we do together like going out to dinner or movies or whatever.
We use our individual accounts to buy stuff for ourselves like clothes (or somputer parts
), school loan/car/insurance payments, and anything else that we don't really share in. It works out well - it's very handy and it ensures our cost of living is split up pretty evenly.
We use the joint account to pay for rent, food, utilities, and for stuff we do together like going out to dinner or movies or whatever.
We use our individual accounts to buy stuff for ourselves like clothes (or somputer parts
), school loan/car/insurance payments, and anything else that we don't really share in. It works out well - it's very handy and it ensures our cost of living is split up pretty evenly.
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