Ok, so what made you choose to go to school, have a couple of kids, and be married all at the same time? To me this just sounds like the stupidest thing a person can do. That is only my opinion based on my life though, and you could see it differently. (Yeah, I'm hoping for a quick explanation. 😛)
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Help!!! wife and I are stuck at an impasse***update***
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Ok, so what made you choose to go to school, have a couple of kids, and be married all at the same time? To me this just sounds like the stupidest thing a person can do. That is only my opinion based on my life though, and you could see it differently. (Yeah, I'm hoping for a quick explanation. 😛)
Pliablemoose
Lifer
Tough call, I'd be tempted to ask wife to work long enough to pay back the unpaid leave, and then reassess everything.
I'd suggest she work part time though.
3 problems come to mind:
1.) She'll prob resent it if she returns to work full time & puts the children in day care, that whole motherhood/children thing can come back to bite you in the backside later... Might be better for her to compromise long enough to cover the paid leave, then drop back to part time.
2.) I'd suggest full time school for you & part time work, it gets difficult to balance everything, maight as well put work on the back burner right away.
3.) Home ownership is seriously expensive & time consuming, if you buy a house now, it may not be what you 2 will want when you're done with school & hopefully able to afford more house, & maybe looking @ relocating to find a job after shcool.
You will not likely see a return on your investment in a house in 3-5 years.
Hang in there, it gets lots easier with a little more time...
I'd suggest she work part time though.
3 problems come to mind:
1.) She'll prob resent it if she returns to work full time & puts the children in day care, that whole motherhood/children thing can come back to bite you in the backside later... Might be better for her to compromise long enough to cover the paid leave, then drop back to part time.
2.) I'd suggest full time school for you & part time work, it gets difficult to balance everything, maight as well put work on the back burner right away.
3.) Home ownership is seriously expensive & time consuming, if you buy a house now, it may not be what you 2 will want when you're done with school & hopefully able to afford more house, & maybe looking @ relocating to find a job after shcool.
You will not likely see a return on your investment in a house in 3-5 years.
Hang in there, it gets lots easier with a little more time...
Pliablemoose
Lifer
How long @ full time till her leave is covered?
ExplodingBoy
Senior member
You haven't really said whether you wife wants to work or not. Why is it so important that you go to school right now? Why don't you work full-time but with a flex-schedule and have your wife work part time. Arrange your schedules so that someone is always home with the kids. Use the school money to afford a modest house. Consider moving to a part of the country where you can afford a modest house for what you are currently paying rent. IMHO paying rent is stupid. The tax breaks house ownership gives you means it is often far cheaper, not to mention the whole investment-for-the-future angle.
I have a 6 yr old, 3.5 yr old and a 2.5 yr old. my wife chooses to stay home until the youngest is in kindergarten.
for us the decision is easier, if we had 2 kids in day care full time and our oldest in an afterschool program we would pay about $1300 / month.
sure it's a tax write off, but it's not worth whatever she'd make above and beyond it for us to risk what it will do to the kids.
for us the decision is easier, if we had 2 kids in day care full time and our oldest in an afterschool program we would pay about $1300 / month.
sure it's a tax write off, but it's not worth whatever she'd make above and beyond it for us to risk what it will do to the kids.
We had one kid "out of wed lock" got married when he was 3 then decided that we wanted to have another kid AFTER we had a house but it happend a little sooner than we wanted it to. The reason I want to go to school is at first I thought that Iwould be able to advance at my current company. But i am finding out that w/o college it is tough to find any thing above what i have.
Wife does not want to work.
Currently I live in Kansas City and with all of the tech lay-offs in the area. It is almost impossible to find a tech job in the area. my tech support center is turning in to a cusomer care center (read fear for my job)
I would have to agree with you that renting is stupid
TwinkleToes77
Diamond Member
I'll have to go with #2...
IMO, you shouldnt be having kids if as soon as they are born you are going to throw them into daycare. Too many latchkey kids these days.
IMO, you shouldnt be having kids if as soon as they are born you are going to throw them into daycare. Too many latchkey kids these days.
deerslayer
Lifer
I would say #2.
Murphyrulez
Golden Member
Do #2. Don't make your kids spend so much time away from home, away from mom. Especially that young.
They will thank you later, and take care of you in your old age.
They will thank you later, and take care of you in your old age.
My budget is close, trust me. We get by every month day in and day out. We've had no emergencies. What scared us the most is that we were married for 10 years with 2 incomes and no kids, and when we started to consider 1 income and an extra mouth, our lifestyles took a sudden and drastic turn.
I can say that I would do the exact same thing all over again if I was in the situation again. Trust me on that one. I can see a huge difference in my son vs. his friends who grew up in daycare.
2. Never send a kid to daycare whenever possible. Have one parent at home...too many parents arent being parents.
DanTMWTMP
Lifer
agreed....ur kids are in a pivotal stage where they need a parent figure the most............go w/ 2...it's a lighter workload, ...it's better for ur kids...
as for 3...it's better financially, but donno...u might regret for not spending too much time w/ your kids when they were younger..................
good luck in ur decision dude
Don't do #3...the first few years are irreplacable. (just went/going through it now)
My sister is working f/t, and I know it kills her when the baby is crying, and wants the daycare lady instead of her. =😱
The school district thing is challenging...a better school makes a difference, even at that young age. But, there's additional cost for you (more rent, more daycare for #2) vs #2. Quality of baby-raising is the first priority in my mind, and $$ has to come after that.
I still vote for #2 until the little one is into at least 1/2 day school. BTW, 2 month old kids are in daycare, not pre-school.
I did a variation on #2: I worked f/t, school p/t, wife worked p/t eveniings, so no daycare. We finally moved, a couple of years later than originally planned, and bought house in better school system. Child #1 in first grade now, #2 in KG in the fall. Debt up to our eyeballs. 🙁 It's the trade-off we made to have at least one parent home with the kids at all times.
My sister is working f/t, and I know it kills her when the baby is crying, and wants the daycare lady instead of her. =😱
The school district thing is challenging...a better school makes a difference, even at that young age. But, there's additional cost for you (more rent, more daycare for #2) vs #2. Quality of baby-raising is the first priority in my mind, and $$ has to come after that.
I still vote for #2 until the little one is into at least 1/2 day school. BTW, 2 month old kids are in daycare, not pre-school.
I did a variation on #2: I worked f/t, school p/t, wife worked p/t eveniings, so no daycare. We finally moved, a couple of years later than originally planned, and bought house in better school system. Child #1 in first grade now, #2 in KG in the fall. Debt up to our eyeballs. 🙁 It's the trade-off we made to have at least one parent home with the kids at all times.
Well, in my family, my spouse was back in college full-time from the time our oldest was 3 months old, until he was six (BS then MS). During undergrad, we both (well, mostly me) ran a computer business from home. I had my son all the time, took him on parts runs, only left him with my Dad or my spouse when I was at a customer's house that was not a close friend or relative. Didn't make a whole lot of money, but did OK. Had second kid, sold our business and moved to California for grad school. Lived off of fellowships, grants, part-time jobs spouse scrounged up in the department, TA/RA position, student loans. Broke, living in family housing, but very happy to have the kids home. Day care down in Davis was so expensive that even if we wanted to, my wages would have been laughable after you figure in the price of daycare, even with my degree and work experience. Spouse got a DE job for Intel last year, we bought the most absolutely perfect property (11 acres, very secluded, but only 20 minutes from work). Couldn't have afforded it before this (well, maybe before the kids came along). Youngest is 3. I'll be back working when she goes to school, or more likely, will start a new home business this year.
Upshot of it is, I planned on daycare for my first kid, but couldn't bear to do it after spending months job searching unsuccessfully after his birth (and a move from state to state). I wanted us to be his primary influence, not some strangers. As someone said before, the first five years of a child's life are tremendously important for shaping the kid's moral, emotional and intellectual growth. I don't see the logic in sending kids to daycare (unless it is a close relative that you trust) until 5, then staying home. At that point, they're in school and unless you homeschool, will be out of the house most of the day anyway. Monetary sacrifices are much easier to live with than sacrificing your child's development. Who do you want the child to bond with?
I'm not trying to slam people who chose to use daycare. This is just what we chose for our family.
BD
Upshot of it is, I planned on daycare for my first kid, but couldn't bear to do it after spending months job searching unsuccessfully after his birth (and a move from state to state). I wanted us to be his primary influence, not some strangers. As someone said before, the first five years of a child's life are tremendously important for shaping the kid's moral, emotional and intellectual growth. I don't see the logic in sending kids to daycare (unless it is a close relative that you trust) until 5, then staying home. At that point, they're in school and unless you homeschool, will be out of the house most of the day anyway. Monetary sacrifices are much easier to live with than sacrificing your child's development. Who do you want the child to bond with?
I'm not trying to slam people who chose to use daycare. This is just what we chose for our family.
BD
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