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Help save my relationship!
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lokiju
Lifer
Very interesting thread, good info actually.
I myself find it difficult to maintain the spark or feel the spark in our relationship and it's been a strain from time to time, we always get beyond it but I do wonder if it will get the best of us down the road.
I agree with show her your love on a regular basis and think that book mentioned above states some good ideas such as what you think is an act of love might not be to your SO and I think I've probably been in the boat now that I think about it.
But then this is only 50% of it, if your SO doesn't return the other 50% then it's hard to hope that things will last forever (Marriage, kids, all that).
I myself find it difficult to maintain the spark or feel the spark in our relationship and it's been a strain from time to time, we always get beyond it but I do wonder if it will get the best of us down the road.
I agree with show her your love on a regular basis and think that book mentioned above states some good ideas such as what you think is an act of love might not be to your SO and I think I've probably been in the boat now that I think about it.
But then this is only 50% of it, if your SO doesn't return the other 50% then it's hard to hope that things will last forever (Marriage, kids, all that).
I have issues with people questioning my maturity. I wish I could get her to register and tell her side of the story, but it doesn't look good on that front.
That seems to be the issue with writing about issues to relative strangers. 1) They will never truly believe what you are saying and 2) They don't really know anything about you.
But, don't you think that if I already understand things like the concept of committed people not liking each other at times and that not everything is perfect all the time, I have at least some maturity with relationships. 22 or not, maturity cannot be measured by quantity of long term relationships, I think it is measured by quality and commitment, whether its to 10 relationships or one.
Now, I posted to hopefully gain some insight into myself, my relationship, or anything along those lines. Things like, personal stories, books to read and advice from individuals who had to learn the hard way.
I believe that I received those those things from some very generous and courteous people.
Maybe I am naive to believe certain things, maybe as a registered adult this is my first real relationship. But, I have had a few very committed relationships, my shortest relationship was 8 months and I learned something from each of them. The only thing I know for sure now is that I love the person I am with and I know she loves me and I want to do everything I can to keep this the best relationship I have ever had, whether it's asking for advice in AT or reading a relationship book.
Like I said before, when you know they are the one, there isn't anything you're not willing to do.
That seems to be the issue with writing about issues to relative strangers. 1) They will never truly believe what you are saying and 2) They don't really know anything about you.
But, don't you think that if I already understand things like the concept of committed people not liking each other at times and that not everything is perfect all the time, I have at least some maturity with relationships. 22 or not, maturity cannot be measured by quantity of long term relationships, I think it is measured by quality and commitment, whether its to 10 relationships or one.
Now, I posted to hopefully gain some insight into myself, my relationship, or anything along those lines. Things like, personal stories, books to read and advice from individuals who had to learn the hard way.
I believe that I received those those things from some very generous and courteous people.
Maybe I am naive to believe certain things, maybe as a registered adult this is my first real relationship. But, I have had a few very committed relationships, my shortest relationship was 8 months and I learned something from each of them. The only thing I know for sure now is that I love the person I am with and I know she loves me and I want to do everything I can to keep this the best relationship I have ever had, whether it's asking for advice in AT or reading a relationship book.
Like I said before, when you know they are the one, there isn't anything you're not willing to do.
homestarmy
Diamond Member
Poke her in the butt.
DainBramaged
Lifer
Same here.
I've been in my present relationship for 3+ years now and I only realized it after my bday had past. I pissed my g/f off because I asked her why did she buy me a card (dumb dumb dumb thing to say of course) and soon she got super pissed and didn't really act like herself.
A day after I cleaned my room and found all the cards/lil things that she made for me and felt really awesome after reading all the lil things she said in the past about her and me. So only now do I realize how important these little things are that remind people in a relationship
how fortunate they are to have the other person in their life. Soon after, I went to hallmark, got a card about thinking of you series, wrote "I'm sorry" and etc. in the card, cooked dinner, and did a lot of other little things to make up for my dumb dumb mistake.
Miramonti
Lifer
When you are more mature, you'll refine your analysis and definition. 😉 Personal maturity is one thing, some people are much further ahead or behind on the curve at every junction in life than others. Same goes for relational maturity, which is a completely different issue. They work together but are also completely different. The fact that you think you are mature and not naive yet talk humble and introspective is a contradiction (typical of 22 year olds 😉😛 )
The fact that you say its the best relationship you've ever had...no sh!t, you're 22 and have been together for 5 years! Try committing to doing something special for her every day of her life and not selfishly tallying your good deeds, she might start to be touched.
Btw is she 22 also?...and has she told you that you are definitely "the one" for her? If not, then most of the advice here may be irrelevant to what her needs might be right now.
Good luck in either case.
MustangSVT
Lifer
you sound desperate. relationship is not a one way thing.
ditch her. move on.
L
Lola
as much as i think you guys are asses for posting this, there is some *SOME* truth to this.
I did not read if the spice was gone in your sex life, but if that area is lacking too... this can help... Don't post it over the web of course, but doing something different will most definatly spice things up. get her some lingerie that she would like, start jokingly taking photos of her in the lingerie, then go from there. she will feel really special because you are so turned on by her. really tell her how great she looks and how you feel.
Oh yeah girls LOVE this. I thought my g/f would freak if I wanted nudie photos but she really liked the idea, why? Because it makes them feel sexy. In fact I made one of them the background on my computer and when she saw it she went upstairs and took some for me and left them in random places. It was really sexy except I had to tell her not to put them in my lunch box any more, almost showed all the guys at work.
You know what jjsole, you're right. Maybe this is the mind set of the 22 year old.
But, she has said that this is the best relationship she has ever had (22 also) and that she wants to be with me for the rest of her life.
I kinda want to clarify the tallying of things I've done though. I'm not tallying them, I had to calculate backwards how many days its been since I said I would do this. And I don't wake up everyday thinking what special thing I can do today. It's just that when i'm thinking about her, I think of what I could do to show her I'm thinking about her. Or I walk by her favourite store in the mall and pick her up something, or I'm at the checkout in the grocery store and remember to buy her favourite gum.
Some people have asked about our sex life. For a while, it was virtually non-existent (like 2 months), but now its amazing again, because we are trying again, we're remembering why we loved each other in the first place and it's great.
But, she has said that this is the best relationship she has ever had (22 also) and that she wants to be with me for the rest of her life.
I kinda want to clarify the tallying of things I've done though. I'm not tallying them, I had to calculate backwards how many days its been since I said I would do this. And I don't wake up everyday thinking what special thing I can do today. It's just that when i'm thinking about her, I think of what I could do to show her I'm thinking about her. Or I walk by her favourite store in the mall and pick her up something, or I'm at the checkout in the grocery store and remember to buy her favourite gum.
Some people have asked about our sex life. For a while, it was virtually non-existent (like 2 months), but now its amazing again, because we are trying again, we're remembering why we loved each other in the first place and it's great.
Miramonti
Lifer
I think what you're doing would make a lot of women feel warm and tingly inside, no question about it. Its just there is a disconnect in the information in this thread with what the relevant information is...specifically what she is feeling. You said you guys 'hit a rough patch'but it sounds like she's the one who's hit the rough patch since you're the one doing all the work. Did she say that you don't make her feel special and that this is why she's having a tougher time?
There are many things that make a relationship fulfilling and enjoyable for someone and its a lot more than just feeling special or knowing the other person thinks they are special. But nothing that you've mentioned eludes to where she is actually at. I would venture to guess its a lot more complicated, and going out of your way to treat her special all the time may or may not be what will address her thoughts and feelings to help her be stronger towards the relationship and its future.
Circlenaut
Platinum Member
I'm definitly bookmarking this thread. Thanks.
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