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Help finding the man my wife cheated on me with!

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Oyeve

Oyeve

Lifer
Oct 18, 1999
22,066
883
126
I recently found out my wife has cheated on me with an old flame for 4 years. I want to find him, not to hurt him but to ask him some questions. All I have is a name, pager number (my wife says thats all she used to contact him), and a number he called her back on but its some kind of fax or data number. I tried connecting to it via dialup and fax but no luck. I purchased Net detective but that was useless and I got my money refunded. How can I find him? I know where he used to work years ago but they are reluctant to help me. any ideas? How can I find out who owns a pager from the number alone? For free cuz I am broke. Any help would be greatly apppreciated.
 
apoppin

apoppin

Lifer
Mar 9, 2000
34,890
1
0
alienbabeltech.com
Not to "hurt him"? Just to "ask questions"?

I really don't want to touch this . . . you do have some issues (rightfully - sorry about your situation).

I doubt her "old flame" wants to be found.

If you really want to find someone that doesn't want to be found, 'search' the 'net. There are many suggestions that private detectives use. Basically it takes time, patience and luck.
 
iamme

iamme

Lifer
Jul 21, 2001
21,058
3
0
I say, hurt him.

Blackmail your wife into arranging a meeting with him, and conveniently show up w/ a baseball bat.
 
Oyeve

Oyeve

Lifer
Oct 18, 1999
22,066
883
126
Ive been paging him to my cell and job number but he never calls. Hes no man.
 
amdskip

amdskip

Lifer
Jan 6, 2001
22,530
13
81
Just think twice before you act on anything man, no use getting yourself in trouble with the law.
 
iamme

iamme

Lifer
Jul 21, 2001
21,058
3
0
Originally posted by: Oyeve
Ive been paging him to my cell and job number but he never calls. Hes no man.
Click to expand...

well, he's not going to call back your cell number :)

page him w/ the number he called your wife back at.
 
iamme

iamme

Lifer
Jul 21, 2001
21,058
3
0
BTW, what kind of questions are you going to ask him, that you can't ask your wife?
 
C

Chadder007

Diamond Member
Oct 10, 1999
7,560
0
0
Dump her, forget about the guy....she is the one you really need to deal with. She is no good man.
:(
 
R

rahvin

Elite Member
Oct 10, 1999
8,475
1
0
Originally posted by: Oyeve
I recently found out my wife has cheated on me with an old flame for 4 years. I want to find him, not to hurt him but to ask him some questions. All I have is a name, pager number (my wife says thats all she used to contact him), and a number he called her back on but its some kind of fax or data number. I tried connecting to it via dialup and fax but no luck. I purchased Net detective but that was useless and I got my money refunded. How can I find him? I know where he used to work years ago but they are reluctant to help me. any ideas? How can I find out who owns a pager from the number alone? For free cuz I am broke. Any help would be greatly apppreciated.
Click to expand...

I can see no reason for you to reasonably want to contact this person other than to threaten or harm the individual. Your wife willingly stepped out on you, don't be blaming him for taking advantage of it because she was the one that violated your trust. You should get a divorce and move on with your life.
 
Oyeve

Oyeve

Lifer
Oct 18, 1999
22,066
883
126
Ill try to answer all questions.

1. Shes known him for over 15 years, I have been with her for ten, we have a kid, we had a bad time in our marriage about fours years ago and that was when the affair started. They used to be very good friends long before me so she had some connection. Not that what she did was justified.

2. I paged to the number she called from many times but he never called which led me to beleive the had a code or something.

3. No, i didnt kick her out. I am to nice plus my sone lives there and she is a good mother. I love her and she loves me but she hurt me bad. I left the house and see my kid every night until her and I come to some resolution.

4. The questions I want to ask is 1. Why? 2. Do you love her 3. Did you at least treat her right? 4. are you her soul mate? 5. Will you NEVER call, see, or come remotely NEAR her. Thats when I may have to threaten him.

When I get to aske these questions and ananlyze the answers I will ask my wife the same. And if they DO love each other I will then try not to work on the marriage and let them be. If I can ever trust her again (beleive me, its the hardest thing to try to do) this may actually make our marriage stronger than ever. If there can never be trust again then it will be over.

I have said some really nasty things to her a long time ago. I mean REALLY nasty things. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD which made me act impulsivley and I would spout nasty things for years. Its a chemical imbalance that I have for the last few months been taking meds succesfully. Which is probably why I didnt fly off the handle when I found out. But still, that is no excuse to do what she did. I love her and know she loves me, but if she loves him then this wont work. Which is why I need to find him and ask him.
 
iamme

iamme

Lifer
Jul 21, 2001
21,058
3
0
Originally posted by: Oyeve
Ill try to answer all questions.

4. The questions I want to ask is 1. Why? 2. Do you love her 3. Did you at least treat her right? 4. are you her soul mate? 5. Will you NEVER call, see, or come remotely NEAR her. Thats when I may have to threaten him.
Click to expand...

Seriously, this is really between you and your wife. I mean, ask your wife if she loves you. If you are her soul mate. If SHE will never call hiim, see him, or go remotely close to him.

Who cares what his answers are?
 
C

Coolone

Senior member
Aug 18, 2001
983
0
0
Originally posted by: Chadder007
Dump her, forget about the guy....she is the one you really need to deal with. She is no good man.
:(
Click to expand...

Yuo cant just dump a wife, his marriage is in a crisis, and they need to pick up the pieces and rebuild what they can. As for looking for the guy, how will it benefit you?
 
apoppin

apoppin

Lifer
Mar 9, 2000
34,890
1
0
alienbabeltech.com
You don't need to ask him ANY questions.

You are obsessing. Get professional counseling.

It is your wife that needs to decide if she will never see him again - you have serious problems with your marriage. It would be best if you could get counseling together.

Good luck.
 
D

dirtboy

Diamond Member
Oct 9, 1999
6,745
1
81
I think you'd be spending your time better if you started looking for a divorce lawyer, especially if she cheated on you for 4 years. If she were my wife, she'd be long gone!
 
Pliablemoose

Pliablemoose

Lifer
Oct 11, 1999
25,195
0
56
Oyeve, I know what you want to ask him seems very important right now, but it really isn't.

You need to kick back & figure out what you're going to do, talking to the guy will just make things worse, trust me...
 
RossMAN

RossMAN

Grand Nagus
Feb 24, 2000
79,015
431
136
I haven't read the entire thread and I'm still drinking my coffee so forgive me if this has already been covered.

I'm assuming you don't want your wife to know that you wanna track her lover down and kick his ass, right?

Otherwise you could probably get his first name, last name and address out of her or at least where he shops/hangs out.

Get some professional counseling and seriously consider a divorce.
 
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