Heeeelp she's going too fast...

[naruto1988]

my teacher once told the class marriage works with love and lust. they're equal. so sex is an important factor. but sex before marriage isn't a must. you can wait. and sex skill can always be improved and i think the guy that was talking about seasons had the right idea. at least a year is good.

 

[Lazy8s]

Originally posted by: naruto1988
my teacher once told the class marriage works with love and lust. they're equal. so sex is an important factor. but sex before marriage isn't a must. you can wait. and sex skill can always be improved and i think the guy that was talking about seasons had the right idea. at least a year is good.

hehe, at least SOMEONE agrees with me

 

[NeoHC421]

Originally posted by: Gurck

Originally posted by: kranky

Originally posted by: PingSpike
But those one's who are all gungho about "no sex before marriage" you just know that they are going to be HORRIBLE in the sack. They're not going to know what they're doing, they're going to have guilt hangups, etc. And YOU are the one who's going to be paying for all of that backwards upbringing.

So you're saying that someone who has sex before marriage somehow is magically able to be good in bed? Or are you saying that they start out bad, but learn to "know what they're doing"?

And someone who waits until marriage is guaranteed to be lousy in bed? Or are you saying they would be unable to learn to "know what they're doing"?

Guilt hangups? Someone who waits until marriage, then gets married, will have "guilt hangups"? Over what? Seems to me those would be the ones to have no reason to feel guilty.

That comment makes no sense.

Waiting is unnatural and has many more cons than pros (if any pros). I think that's what he's getting at and I'd have to agree.

so i guess you like the idea of getting herpes, HIV, warts or some other nasty STD because if everyone thought like you, we'd have an epidemic worse than the situation in africa... there are a lot of good reasons to wait. you just don't want to see them because people in general are impatient and want to take the easy way out.

 

[kranky]

Originally posted by: Gurck

Originally posted by: kranky

Originally posted by: PingSpike
But those one's who are all gungho about "no sex before marriage" you just know that they are going to be HORRIBLE in the sack. They're not going to know what they're doing, they're going to have guilt hangups, etc. And YOU are the one who's going to be paying for all of that backwards upbringing.

So you're saying that someone who has sex before marriage somehow is magically able to be good in bed? Or are you saying that they start out bad, but learn to "know what they're doing"?

And someone who waits until marriage is guaranteed to be lousy in bed? Or are you saying they would be unable to learn to "know what they're doing"?

Guilt hangups? Someone who waits until marriage, then gets married, will have "guilt hangups"? Over what? Seems to me those would be the ones to have no reason to feel guilty.

That comment makes no sense.

Waiting is unnatural and has many more cons than pros (if any pros). I think that's what he's getting at and I'd have to agree.

I don't know how to respond to vague generalities.

 

[Lazy8s]

Originally posted by: Gurck

Originally posted by: kranky

Originally posted by: PingSpike
But those one's who are all gungho about "no sex before marriage" you just know that they are going to be HORRIBLE in the sack. They're not going to know what they're doing, they're going to have guilt hangups, etc. And YOU are the one who's going to be paying for all of that backwards upbringing.

So you're saying that someone who has sex before marriage somehow is magically able to be good in bed? Or are you saying that they start out bad, but learn to "know what they're doing"?

And someone who waits until marriage is guaranteed to be lousy in bed? Or are you saying they would be unable to learn to "know what they're doing"?

Guilt hangups? Someone who waits until marriage, then gets married, will have "guilt hangups"? Over what? Seems to me those would be the ones to have no reason to feel guilty.

That comment makes no sense.

Waiting is unnatural and has many more cons than pros (if any pros). I think that's what he's getting at and I'd have to agree.

If you want to get down to it monogamy is unnatural but that doesn't make polygamy a better alternative.

 

[Gurck]

Originally posted by: NeoHC421

Originally posted by: Gurck

Originally posted by: kranky

Originally posted by: PingSpike
But those one's who are all gungho about "no sex before marriage" you just know that they are going to be HORRIBLE in the sack. They're not going to know what they're doing, they're going to have guilt hangups, etc. And YOU are the one who's going to be paying for all of that backwards upbringing.

So you're saying that someone who has sex before marriage somehow is magically able to be good in bed? Or are you saying that they start out bad, but learn to "know what they're doing"?

And someone who waits until marriage is guaranteed to be lousy in bed? Or are you saying they would be unable to learn to "know what they're doing"?

Guilt hangups? Someone who waits until marriage, then gets married, will have "guilt hangups"? Over what? Seems to me those would be the ones to have no reason to feel guilty.

That comment makes no sense.

Waiting is unnatural and has many more cons than pros (if any pros). I think that's what he's getting at and I'd have to agree.

so i guess you like the idea of getting herpes, HIV, warts or some other nasty STD because if everyone thought like you, we'd have an epidemic worse than the situation in africa... there are a lot of good reasons to wait. you just don't want to see them because people in general are impatient and want to take the easy way out.

This is what I hate about the ATOT jesus-freak segment. I said "waiting is unnatural", you obviously heard "we should all start having sex at 12, as much as possible and with the skankiest drug users we can find, and never use protection". :disgust:

 

[azazyel]

Originally posted by: Lazy8s
EDIT: I'm not gay and I said I've done everything else but conventional sex so draw your own conclusions as to what that means. I just hate it how girls get all clingy and jusk when you start messing around so I decided not to have sex until I find a girl I don't mind being that clingy. I do great with girls till the start talking about the "long term" I'm freakin 20, I don't want to talk about that stuff yet. I guess it's more of something I use to put distance between me and the people I'm in a relationship with. Healthy or not (and as I read my post I'm going more with the probably not) I just need to have my own space and it's a way I know to get it guaranteed.

What makes you think that all girls get clingy after you have sex? I have known a lot of girls that don't want relationships either but still like to mess around. But I am curious, do you tell the girls up front that you don't want to have sex or that you don't want a relationship?

I really think you have some deeper issue going on here.

To the OP

A 10 is a wonderful thing.

Marriage? Just say no

 

[broon]

If you love her, move with her. In real relationships sacrifices are made.

If you love her, the sex will be good. You'll find a way to make it right. The test drive thing just doesn't fly. Besides, more of your time spent together will be doing non-sex activities.

 

[Lazy8s]

Originally posted by: azazyel

Originally posted by: Lazy8s
EDIT: I'm not gay and I said I've done everything else but conventional sex so draw your own conclusions as to what that means. I just hate it how girls get all clingy and jusk when you start messing around so I decided not to have sex until I find a girl I don't mind being that clingy. I do great with girls till the start talking about the "long term" I'm freakin 20, I don't want to talk about that stuff yet. I guess it's more of something I use to put distance between me and the people I'm in a relationship with. Healthy or not (and as I read my post I'm going more with the probably not) I just need to have my own space and it's a way I know to get it guaranteed.

What makes you think that all girls get clingy after you have sex? I have known a lot of girls that don't want relationships either but still like to mess around. But I am curious, do you tell the girls up front that you don't want to have sex or that you don't want a relationship?

I really think you have some deeper issue going on here.

To the OP

A 10 is a wonderful thing.

Marriage? Just say no

Mmmm I think a lot of it is I have always dated really clingy girls that got even more clingy when we messed around and it freaked me out so sex was off the menu. I tell the girls up front I don't want sex but that a relationship is ok. To me nosex doesn't mean no relationship. I have had plenty of "relationships" but no sex.

Deeper issues? Well, yeah I probably do, but I dunno what they are. If you know someone who could figure out what they are I'd love to talk to them. Till then I think I'm stuck. :-/

 

[toant103]

Test Drive first

 

[Doboji]

Originally posted by: Fenixgoon
id just like to point out that angelina jolie isn't even that hot... i've seen plenty of girls better looking than her.

SACRILIGE!!!! BANNNNN!!!!

Originally posted by: 3chordcharlie
Dude 4 months is so short... I was with my girlfriend for nearly two years before we started thinking 'long term' and we're both pretty normal people... neither sex-obsessed nor committment-phobes nor anything else; we were just very devoted to each other and had a relationship that kept growing.

She left me a few days ago, because she felt she couldn't see being together 'for good'. (On a side note for anyone wondering, the 'me' part of this post is now over).

You have to get over that 'electric' beginning that so many relationships have before you OR SHE will know it's right... sadly, you may come to different conclusions, but that's the risk you have to take; there's no such thing as 'bank!' when it comes to relationships. If you're willing to take the chance of having your heart broken, you're ready to be in a real relationship; if you want to 'lock her up' before she changes her mind... you may be in for a world of hurt down the road. This girl might be perfect for you, but if she is, it's going to take more than 4 months for both of you to know that's the case.

As far as the sex thing goes, if you really respect her and love her, chances are she will feel comfortable with sex, but it has nothing to do with 'test driving'. I've never heard of a religion that allows sex upon engagement, so I would guess this is something that she feels about committment and security and comfort; learn to be her friend and her boyfriend and with luck you will get to be very much more than that.

Hey man, I'm sorry to hear about your gf... I've been in that type of situation before... I had a 4 year relationship at one point. I think every situation is different, but I don't think it takes 2 years to determine if thats the person you want to spend your life with. My parents knew each other for 1 month, and they've been married for 26 years.

Honestly though the idea of marriage is absolutely frightening... and hopefully some married folks can enlighten me a little. The thought of joining your lives together through thick and thin. In my experience I see how much people change, and who knows who I, or she will be in 5 or 10 years. I take the concept of commitment VERY VERY seriously, were I to go down that path, it would be for good, even if she put on 100lbs, if she were burned from head to toe, if she were to get sick, I would take care of her. When we fell on financial hardship it would be as a unit... and that scares the crap outta me.... that level of commitment.

It brings to bear many questions that are my immaturity. Questions that I am seeking to address before I roll the marriage dice.

-Max

P.S. I'll get pics this weekend...

 

[azazyel]

Originally posted by: Lazy8s

Originally posted by: azazyel

Originally posted by: Lazy8s
EDIT: I'm not gay and I said I've done everything else but conventional sex so draw your own conclusions as to what that means. I just hate it how girls get all clingy and jusk when you start messing around so I decided not to have sex until I find a girl I don't mind being that clingy. I do great with girls till the start talking about the "long term" I'm freakin 20, I don't want to talk about that stuff yet. I guess it's more of something I use to put distance between me and the people I'm in a relationship with. Healthy or not (and as I read my post I'm going more with the probably not) I just need to have my own space and it's a way I know to get it guaranteed.

What makes you think that all girls get clingy after you have sex? I have known a lot of girls that don't want relationships either but still like to mess around. But I am curious, do you tell the girls up front that you don't want to have sex or that you don't want a relationship?

I really think you have some deeper issue going on here.

To the OP

A 10 is a wonderful thing.

Marriage? Just say no

Mmmm I think a lot of it is I have always dated really clingy girls that got even more clingy when we messed around and it freaked me out so sex was off the menu. I tell the girls up front I don't want sex but that a relationship is ok. To me nosex doesn't mean no relationship. I have had plenty of "relationships" but no sex.

Deeper issues? Well, yeah I probably do, but I dunno what they are. If you know someone who could figure out what they are I'd love to talk to them. Till then I think I'm stuck. :-/

Weird, I usually just told them that I wanted sex but not a relationship.

 

[NeoHC421]

Originally posted by: Doboji

Honestly though the idea of marriage is absolutely frightening... and hopefully some married folks can enlighten me a little. The thought of joining your lives together through thick and thin. In my experience I see how much people change, and who knows who I, or she will be in 5 or 10 years. I take the concept of commitment VERY VERY seriously, were I to go down that path, it would be for good, even if she put on 100lbs, if she were burned from head to toe, if she were to get sick, I would take care of her. When we fell on financial hardship it would be as a unit... and that scares the crap outta me.... that level of commitment.

It brings to bear many questions that are my immaturity. Questions that I am seeking to address before I roll the marriage dice.

-Max

P.S. I'll get pics this weekend...

i only wish more people took marriage vows as seriously as you do, because in the end, that commitment is what will make any marriage work, even more so than "love". case in point, most arranged marriages end up working out, whereas most marriages that were out of "love" end up in divorce. why? because arranged marriages are based on commitment, and as the two pull for each other and learn to live with each other, the two learn how to compromise and do everything they can to make it work. For them, love comes later in the equation.
In short, i think love without commitment = lust. but that's just my opinion.

don't get me wrong, i don't exactly believe in arranged marriages, just using that to make a point.

 

[JulesMaximus]

Honestly though the idea of marriage is absolutely frightening... and hopefully some married folks can enlighten me a little. The thought of joining your lives together through thick and thin. In my experience I see how much people change, and who knows who I, or she will be in 5 or 10 years. I take the concept of commitment VERY VERY seriously, were I to go down that path, it would be for good, even if she put on 100lbs, if she were burned from head to toe, if she were to get sick, I would take care of her. When we fell on financial hardship it would be as a unit... and that scares the crap outta me.... that level of commitment.

It brings to bear many questions that are my immaturity. Questions that I am seeking to address before I roll the marriage dice.

I don't think you are rolling the dice if you've found the right woman. The right woman will accept you the way you are and you her. You will have similar goals from life and be honest with each other. You will make each other laugh and you will not do things to hurt each other. You will also respect each other. If you can't say that about your S/O then you should not get married to that person or it will most likely end in divorce.

Don't expect people to change. People don't change, they just stop pretending after a while.

I've been happily married for 12 years. :wine: To my wife!

 

[Doboji]

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Honestly though the idea of marriage is absolutely frightening... and hopefully some married folks can enlighten me a little. The thought of joining your lives together through thick and thin. In my experience I see how much people change, and who knows who I, or she will be in 5 or 10 years. I take the concept of commitment VERY VERY seriously, were I to go down that path, it would be for good, even if she put on 100lbs, if she were burned from head to toe, if she were to get sick, I would take care of her. When we fell on financial hardship it would be as a unit... and that scares the crap outta me.... that level of commitment.

It brings to bear many questions that are my immaturity. Questions that I am seeking to address before I roll the marriage dice.

I don't think you are rolling the dice if you've found the right woman. The right woman will accept you the way you are and you her. You will have similar goals from life and be honest with each other. You will make each other laugh and you will not do things to hurt each other. You will also respect each other. If you can't say that about your S/O then you should not get married to that person or it will most likely end in divorce.

Don't expect people to change. People don't change, they just stop pretending after a while.

I've been happily married for 12 years. :wine: To my wife!

I think everything we do in life is rolling the dice to some extent... we never know what life is going to shove our way. I appreciate all the advice I've gotten in this thread, and it actually has helped me significantly in putting everything into perspective.

Your son is absolutely adoreable.

-Max

 

[Don Vito Corleone]

You had me until #3. The rest of it seemed legit and workable, but while I am still inclined to be encouraging, from my perspective, no test drive = no down payment.

Am I being unromantic?

 

[JulesMaximus]

Originally posted by: Doboji

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Honestly though the idea of marriage is absolutely frightening... and hopefully some married folks can enlighten me a little. The thought of joining your lives together through thick and thin. In my experience I see how much people change, and who knows who I, or she will be in 5 or 10 years. I take the concept of commitment VERY VERY seriously, were I to go down that path, it would be for good, even if she put on 100lbs, if she were burned from head to toe, if she were to get sick, I would take care of her. When we fell on financial hardship it would be as a unit... and that scares the crap outta me.... that level of commitment.

It brings to bear many questions that are my immaturity. Questions that I am seeking to address before I roll the marriage dice.

I don't think you are rolling the dice if you've found the right woman. The right woman will accept you the way you are and you her. You will have similar goals from life and be honest with each other. You will make each other laugh and you will not do things to hurt each other. You will also respect each other. If you can't say that about your S/O then you should not get married to that person or it will most likely end in divorce.

Don't expect people to change. People don't change, they just stop pretending after a while.

I've been happily married for 12 years. :wine: To my wife!

I think everything we do in life is rolling the dice to some extent... we never know what life is going to shove our way. I appreciate all the advice I've gotten in this thread, and it actually has helped me significantly in putting everything into perspective.

Your son is absolutely adoreable.

-Max

Thanks, oddly enough I never tire of hearing that!

Yes, to some extent you are rolling the dice but you have to be willing to take some chances or you will end up living a lonely life or let opportunities pass you by.

I moved from upstate New York to Los Angeles, CA in 1990 because someone I worked for who moved out here asked me to come out and work for him. He offered me a job, car and a place to live (his couch for the first three months) so I took him up on the offer. I had never even been to California before I moved here. I met the woman who is now my wife 3 months later and now I live in San Diego in a nice house with a woman I love and a beautiful son. Who knows were I'd be if I hadn't taken that risk. Probably still in upstate NY? Who knows.

I would look at your relationship and not worry too much about the other stuff. If the relationship is solid and you want to continue with it then the other things are just details that need to be worked out. At least if you take the chance and it doesn't work out you can always look back at it and say at least I took a chance.

Good luck with your decision.