Heeeelp she's going too fast...

[NeoHC421]

Originally posted by: Gurck

Originally posted by: Modeps

Originally posted by: Gurck

Originally posted by: Doboji
She has reasons for the no-sex thing... I won't share them here... sorry. But I respect that, and I will not attempt to persuade her to do something she's not comfortable with. If she feels that she wants that... then we will discuss it, I'm not going to let it be a heat of the moment thing until AFTER a discussion.

Yes that kills some romance... but that is something she needs to have some control over.

-Max

Sex is a huge part of a relationship. If you end up not matching well in that area it can lead to an unhappy marriage, adultery, or divorce. If you want to wait, fine, but know that that's a real risk. It would be a real downer to find that out after getting married.

Yes, phyisical intamacy is a big part of a relationship, but it's something that can be worked on and improved. If sex is all you've got, you're fsked.

True to a point, but I'm always wary of girls who wait. Seems like quite often, having grown up thinking of sex as "the bad thing", upon marriage they retain much of that mentality. Odds are the op, being male, has a healthy (read: high) sex drive, and so that can lead to problems.

True, but at the same time, i wouldn't want to marry a ho. i think that nothing of real value comes easy...

 

[3chordcharlie]

Dude 4 months is so short... I was with my girlfriend for nearly two years before we started thinking 'long term' and we're both pretty normal people... neither sex-obsessed nor committment-phobes nor anything else; we were just very devoted to each other and had a relationship that kept growing.

She left me a few days ago, because she felt she couldn't see being together 'for good'. (On a side note for anyone wondering, the 'me' part of this post is now over).

You have to get over that 'electric' beginning that so many relationships have before you OR SHE will know it's right... sadly, you may come to different conclusions, but that's the risk you have to take; there's no such thing as 'bank!' when it comes to relationships. If you're willing to take the chance of having your heart broken, you're ready to be in a real relationship; if you want to 'lock her up' before she changes her mind... you may be in for a world of hurt down the road. This girl might be perfect for you, but if she is, it's going to take more than 4 months for both of you to know that's the case.

As far as the sex thing goes, if you really respect her and love her, chances are she will feel comfortable with sex, but it has nothing to do with 'test driving'. I've never heard of a religion that allows sex upon engagement, so I would guess this is something that she feels about committment and security and comfort; learn to be her friend and her boyfriend and with luck you will get to be very much more than that.

 

[Bryan]

I haven't read any responses yet, but judging by your first post, you seem kind of shallow.

 

[blazerazor]

..F%#*'in Jews. ...

Firstly, monogomy don't work. That puts unnessary pressure on your relationship and trust. Honesty is best policy. You havent done the nasty yet?, not whats wrong with you, but What Wrong With HER!. Run Like Hell Man. She's got issues.

 

[Jzero]

This is YAS66T.

 

[JulesMaximus]

1. You must be high on crack for even mentioning this.
2. Moving from DC to Chicago would be a good thing. Don't be afraid of change, embrace it.
3. I wouldn't dwell on the no sex thing. If you are both in love with each other you will probably be able to overcome any issues you may have in the sack with proper communication.

 

[minendo]

Originally posted by: blazerazor
..F%#*'in Jews. ...

Firstly, monogomy don't work. That puts unnessary pressure on your relationship and trust. Honesty is best policy. You havent done the nasty yet?, not whats wrong with you, but What Wrong With HER!. Run Like Hell Man. She's got issues.

You are an idiot.

 

[PingSpike]

Originally posted by: minendo

Originally posted by: Scarpozzi
3. Be persistant....I'm sure she'll let you test drive her if you put the right moves on her. Unless she's a nun, she probably has the same desires you do. You just have to let her know that you're for real and you won't leave her afterward.

Right. :roll:

How often does someone test drive a car and then keep it around?

Every time some one buys a car they do that.

 

[minendo]

Originally posted by: PingSpike

Originally posted by: minendo

Originally posted by: Scarpozzi
3. Be persistant....I'm sure she'll let you test drive her if you put the right moves on her. Unless she's a nun, she probably has the same desires you do. You just have to let her know that you're for real and you won't leave her afterward.

Right. :roll:

How often does someone test drive a car and then keep it around?

Every time some one buys a car they do that.

Sure, but how many test drives does someone take before buying a certain car. That was my point.

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: Doboji
1) I'm plagued by the desire to be with Angelina Jolie(not specifically Angelina, but I mean someone really really really drool drool hot)... call it society, call it whatever you want... But committing to her, means I'll never have sex with that incredibly hot woman I've always dreamed about. Honestly my standards for that "incredibly hot woman" are ridiculously high, and beyond what I will likely ever get. Furthermore this woman I'm with is absolutely wonderful in so many ways, and I do find her extremely attractive. I think that I would be a shallow fool to pass up this wonderful a person to chase the Jolie pipe dream.

So in other words, even though you believe you love this girl, she doesn't really meet up to your standards of physical beauty. Or, if she does, she rates bare minimum.

3) She's one of those no-sex before engagement types. And I am a firm believer in the test drive. If I am going to commit the rest of my life to one person, we better be having good sex. View that anyway you want, I know people are gonna call me shallow as hell... feel free. We all have our shallow elements, but if we are not honest enough with ourselves to consider all our feelings no matter how shallow, we can never make honest choices about our happiness.

What, then, happens if there is a sexual incompatibility? Like you're not satisfied with anything less than, say, 3-4 times per week (day?!), and she's content and won't do it more than twice per month? How do you know? I suppose you could ask her at the right moment, but that could get very awkward very quickly.

 

[NeoHC421]

Originally posted by: blazerazor
..F%#*'in Jews. ...

Firstly, monogomy don't work. That puts unnessary pressure on your relationship and trust. Honesty is best policy. You havent done the nasty yet?, not whats wrong with you, but What Wrong With HER!. Run Like Hell Man. She's got issues.

i hope you're joking... monogamy puts unnecessary pressure on your relationship? if you knew your SO was screwin other ppl, i think the trust is broken, not built up. And relationships are not all about sex. if that's what you think, then maybe you should mature a little bit. maybe you have issues to deal with, but there's nothing wrong with having moral values. in fact, i applaud people who will stick up for what they believe in. it's nice to know that not everyone is so willing to compromise their bodies or ideologies just because they feel society or other people tell them to.

 

[ragazzo]

Originally posted by: pyonir
you're concerned about being with a woman because you want to be with Angelina Jolie? Wow...sounds like you have a lot of growing up to do before you start thinking of the M word. :roll:

 

[Lazy8s]

quote:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by: blazerazor
..F%#*'in Jews. ...

Firstly, monogomy don't work. That puts unnessary pressure on your relationship and trust. Honesty is best policy. You havent done the nasty yet?, not whats wrong with you, but What Wrong With HER!. Run Like Hell Man. She's got issues.
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I hope you're joking. My g/f and I haven't had sex and we've been togeather almost 16mo. now. She practicaly begs for it when we mess around but I just don't want to. Does that make me screwed up? I just don't want to yet for a lot of reasons, what's wrong with that? In fact I'm almost 21 and I've never had sex.....well ok, not intercourse like you're talking about but I've done almost everything else. Not that I think it's "special" and should "only be for after marriage" or something, I just dunno what it is. Anyways, nothing wrong with no seks as long as it works for you.

 

[PingSpike]

Originally posted by: minendo

Originally posted by: PingSpike

Originally posted by: minendo

Originally posted by: Scarpozzi
3. Be persistant....I'm sure she'll let you test drive her if you put the right moves on her. Unless she's a nun, she probably has the same desires you do. You just have to let her know that you're for real and you won't leave her afterward.

Right. :roll:

How often does someone test drive a car and then keep it around?

Every time some one buys a car they do that.

Sure, but how many test drives does someone take before buying a certain car. That was my point.

However many it takes until they find the right car. That was my point.

 

[Nitemare]

Originally posted by: Kwan1
Doctor :thumbsup: Make sure she puts on the robe and....

anyway, i think you two should move in together first before marriage, just to get what its like to be living together.

Why would she be wearing a wizard hat?

 

[PingSpike]

Originally posted by: Gurck
True to a point, but I'm always wary of girls who wait. Seems like quite often, having grown up thinking of sex as "the bad thing", upon marriage they retain much of that mentality. Odds are the op, being male, has a healthy (read: high) sex drive, and so that can lead to problems.

Yeah, her 'lets wait' thing would make me wary as well. She'll probably cave on it, its most likely just a good way to protect herself from being used for sex. Nothing wrong with that.

But those one's who are all gungho about "no sex before marriage" you just know that they are going to be HORRIBLE in the sack. They're not going to know what they're doing, they're going to have guilt hangups, etc. And YOU are the one who's going to be paying for all of that backwards upbringing.

Don't take me as some sex crazed lunatic, but to debase the importance of sex in a relationship is just asking for trouble.

 

[Fenixgoon]

id just like to point out that angelina jolie isn't even that hot... i've seen plenty of girls better looking than her.

 

[thomsbrain]

she sounds really uptight if you ask me. chances are, the sex will suck.

 

[Lazy8s]

what about the fact that women get REALLY attached to the guy they lose their virginity to. I mean if they do have all teh sekx and he doesn't like it then she's gonna be a freakin stalker, I mean you said it already, she's really attached, if you have sex she's never gonna leave you alone

 

[notfred]

You're 26, it's been 4 months, and you're not getting any.

What exactly is going too fast again?

 

[kranky]

Originally posted by: PingSpike
But those one's who are all gungho about "no sex before marriage" you just know that they are going to be HORRIBLE in the sack. They're not going to know what they're doing, they're going to have guilt hangups, etc. And YOU are the one who's going to be paying for all of that backwards upbringing.

So you're saying that someone who has sex before marriage somehow is magically able to be good in bed? Or are you saying that they start out bad, but learn to "know what they're doing"?

And someone who waits until marriage is guaranteed to be lousy in bed? Or are you saying they would be unable to learn to "know what they're doing"?

Guilt hangups? Someone who waits until marriage, then gets married, will have "guilt hangups"? Over what? Seems to me those would be the ones to have no reason to feel guilty.

That comment makes no sense.

 

[Gurck]

Originally posted by: kranky

Originally posted by: PingSpike
But those one's who are all gungho about "no sex before marriage" you just know that they are going to be HORRIBLE in the sack. They're not going to know what they're doing, they're going to have guilt hangups, etc. And YOU are the one who's going to be paying for all of that backwards upbringing.

So you're saying that someone who has sex before marriage somehow is magically able to be good in bed? Or are you saying that they start out bad, but learn to "know what they're doing"?

And someone who waits until marriage is guaranteed to be lousy in bed? Or are you saying they would be unable to learn to "know what they're doing"?

Guilt hangups? Someone who waits until marriage, then gets married, will have "guilt hangups"? Over what? Seems to me those would be the ones to have no reason to feel guilty.

That comment makes no sense.

Waiting is unnatural and has many more cons than pros (if any pros). I think that's what he's getting at and I'd have to agree.

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: Lazy8s
quote:

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Originally posted by: blazerazor
..F%#*'in Jews. ...

Firstly, monogomy don't work. That puts unnessary pressure on your relationship and trust. Honesty is best policy. You havent done the nasty yet?, not whats wrong with you, but What Wrong With HER!. Run Like Hell Man. She's got issues.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I hope you're joking. My g/f and I haven't had sex and we've been togeather almost 16mo. now. She practicaly begs for it when we mess around but I just don't want to. Does that make me screwed up? I just don't want to yet for a lot of reasons, what's wrong with that? In fact I'm almost 21 and I've never had sex.....well ok, not intercourse like you're talking about but I've done almost everything else. Not that I think it's "special" and should "only be for after marriage" or something, I just dunno what it is. Anyways, nothing wrong with no seks as long as it works for you.

It may be working just dandy for you, but from your post it sure as hell seems like it's not working for her.

 

[Kaiser__Sose]

I hope you're joking. My g/f and I haven't had sex and we've been togeather almost 16mo. now. She practicaly begs for it when we mess around but I just don't want to. Does that make me screwed up? I just don't want to yet for a lot of reasons, what's wrong with that? In fact I'm almost 21 and I've never had sex.....well ok, not intercourse like you're talking about but I've done almost everything else. Not that I think it's "special" and should "only be for after marriage" or something, I just dunno what it is. Anyways, nothing wrong with no seks as long as it works for you.

It may be working just dandy for you, but from your post it sure as hell seems like it's not working for her.[/quote]

wow.... you're girlfriend is begging for sex and you say no??? you're 21 and a virgin???? you might be gay.. that is not a joke.. i suggest you seek professional help (psychiatrist)

 

[Lazy8s]

well from the frequency of it and the way our relationship is going it sounds looks like it's working fine from here. Besides, I layed down that rule the first time we made out so it's not like she didn't expect it. Plus afterwards she's always like "I hope I don't make you uncomfortable with my comments it's just that in the moment I really want to and saying stuff like that is kind of a self-turn on for some reason, but if it's not ok I'll stop" I was like "hell no a girl asking for it like that? who the hell wouldn't like that?" so it just kind of works for us like that. However I know we're one of millions of relationships and there has to be one exception to every rule, maybe it's us. /shrug


EDIT: I'm not gay and I said I've done everything else but conventional sex so draw your own conclusions as to what that means. I just hate it how girls get all clingy and jusk when you start messing around so I decided not to have sex until I find a girl I don't mind being that clingy. I do great with girls till the start talking about the "long term" I'm freakin 20, I don't want to talk about that stuff yet. I guess it's more of something I use to put distance between me and the people I'm in a relationship with. Healthy or not (and as I read my post I'm going more with the probably not) I just need to have my own space and it's a way I know to get it guaranteed.