Heeeelp she's going too fast...

[Doboji]

EDIT: I laughed hysterically when I read the Angelina part again... so it's corrected now.

Allright... I'm going to do the bare all on ATOT thang.

First background on me... I'm a 26 year old IT professional fella.

I've been seeing this girl now since the end of March.... yes I know that isnt that long... thats the point of this conversation.

She is an amazing girl, brilliant, attractive, fun to be with, and laid back. She was definitly a hard fish to land though, she played hard to get for the first month and a half, while I wined and dined her. Right from the begining, I was completely infatuated I mean virtually head over heels. Couldn't stop thinking about her... wanted to be with her all the time. The whole time she was being sooo difficult, being hesitant to see me, emphasized that we were only dating, etc.

Well NOW, I've landed her, she's sold hook line and sinker, and things are moving at a crazy rapid pace... I've met her family, she's met mine, and we're planning for the two families to meet in the near future. I would be lying if I said I haven't been thinking about the M word. And based on recent conversations there's no doubt it's on her mind as well. I could truly see myself with this woman. Scary scary.

Now here's the caveats.

1) I'm plagued by the desire to be with Angelina Jolie(not specifically Angelina, but I mean someone really really really drool drool hot)... call it society, call it whatever you want... But committing to her, means I'll never have sex with that incredibly hot woman I've always dreamed about. Honestly my standards for that "incredibly hot woman" are ridiculously high, and beyond what I will likely ever get. Furthermore this woman I'm with is absolutely wonderful in so many ways, and I do find her extremely attractive. I think that I would be a shallow fool to pass up this wonderful a person to chase the Jolie pipe dream.

2) There's a possibility she may be moving away to either the Chicago, or Atlanta areas(I'm currently in DC). This means that if I decide to make this the M, then I may have to pick up everything, and move. That scares the crap out of me.

3) She's one of those no-sex before engagement types. And I am a firm believer in the test drive. If I am going to commit the rest of my life to one person, we better be having good sex. View that anyway you want, I know people are gonna call me shallow as hell... feel free. We all have our shallow elements, but if we are not honest enough with ourselves to consider all our feelings no matter how shallow, we can never make honest choices about our happiness.

So there... it's on the table... whaty'all think?

-Max

 

[pulse8]

Easy. Slow down.

 

[Modeps]

1) that's stupid.
2) long distance is crap man... dont do it
3) if you truly love her, you'll respect her decision.

 

[ggavinmoss]

1. Get a grip.
2. Commitment is scary, as is moving.
3. Worst case scenario: you get engaged, take her for a spin and are left unenthusiastic. If it's a deal breaker then you know. You're in a much better position than those who have to wait until marriage to find that out.

-geoff

 

[Kraeji]

if she's moving to Atlanta.. lemme get her numba

 

[Turkish]

Originally posted by: Modeps
2) long distance is crap man... dont do it

i concur.

 

[pyonir]

you're concerned about being with a woman because you want to be with Angelina Jolie? Wow...sounds like you have a lot of growing up to do before you start thinking of the M word. :roll:

 

[minendo]

Originally posted by: Xiety

Originally posted by: Modeps
2) long distance is crap man... dont do it

i concur.

It really isn't that bad.

 

[SaltBoy]

Originally posted by: Doboji
1) I'm plagued by the desire to be with Angelina Jolie... call it society, call it whatever you want... But committing to her, means I'll never have sex with that incredibly hot woman I've always dreamed about. Honestly my standards for that "incredibly hot woman" are ridiculously high, and beyond what I will likely ever get. Furthermore this woman I'm with is absolutely wonderful in so many ways, and I do find her extremely attractive. I think that I would be a shallow fool to pass up this wonderful a person to chase the Jolie pipe dream.

Quoted for posterity. Good grief. :roll:

 

[mugs]

Why is she moving to Chicago or Atlanta?

Also, get over Angelina Jolie, I hope that part was a joke.

 

[welst10]

wait, you haven't had sex with her after 4 months?

 

[Horus]

You don't wanna hit Jolie. Unless you like teh kinkysex (Like, REALLY kinky), that is.

 

[Gurck]

Was "26" a typo of "16"? You're 26 and hesitant to get married in case you ever meet Angelina Jolie and she wants to have sex with you?

 

[Doboji]

Originally posted by: pyonir
you're concerned about being with a woman because you want to be with Angelina Jolie? Wow...sounds like you have a lot of growing up to do before you start thinking of the M word. :roll:

Very possible. Is that a desire you eventually get over?... Or one that you've never had?

And obviously I don't mean literally Angelina... I mean someone on that level, or close to that level of hot.

EDIT: common people I'm not THAT stupid.... I know I'm not going to have sex with Angelina Jolie.... sheesh

-Max

 

[Scarpozzi]

1. Relax
2. If you have to move, it might be a fun experience...just save as much cash as possible and remember, she'll be with you to help you get on your feet.
3. Be persistant....I'm sure she'll let you test drive her if you put the right moves on her. Unless she's a nun, she probably has the same desires you do. You just have to let her know that you're for real and you won't leave her afterward.

 

[Acanthus]

Originally posted by: pyonir
you're concerned about being with a woman because you want to be with Angelina Jolie? Wow...sounds like you have a lot of growing up to do before you start thinking of the M word. :roll:

my thoughts exactly.

 

[Atomicus]

How can you tell if she's good or not? Are you an easy ride for your other girls back in the day?
Also, since she's not into the pre-marital sex, she's gotta be a virgin. That means she can't say you suck when it comes to sex because you'll be the only person she's done it with.

As for the moving..... compromises on HER SIDE can be made

 

[isasir]

With regard to #1, since I see you're being blasted for it, I took it to mean that you're infatuated with the uberhot girls (in this case, Jolie) you see on TV. Reality tho' is that you know you probably can't land the ultrahot girl.

Even though you're getting blasted here, from all the posts I've read, esp. in that thread about the guy wanting his GF to lose 15 pounds, 3/4ths of the posters here are still convinced they can land someone like Jolie. 'course 3/4ths of the posters here are also virgins.

Give yourself a real reality check. If you still honestly believe you can land someone like Jolie, then by all means go for it. Just don't be surprised if it never happens and you regret losing this awesome girl you currently have.

 

[Lazy8s]

I'm no sex before marriage but that can change. I don't care either way. But when it comes to marriage you need more than 3 mo. man that's just crazy.

However cool she is that's great and all but she's not just thinking marriage, she's thinking kids, a white picket fence, a house in the burbs and you cooking burgers in the back while you grow old togeather.

Us guys tend to see, well...boobs, then a face, then a girl we'd like to date.Eventually we're like "hey I could marry this chick" so we do then it's like woo hoo!! a honey moon! then you get jobs and get a place to live......notice how we move slower?? We don't see, "wow pretty girl, I wonder what our kids would look like?" like they do.


The best advice I ever got was from a lady I really looked up to she said:
"People change with the seasons it's a fact. Some are happier in the summer and depressed in the winter, some love christmas but the rain in the spring brings them down. However it is you can't know a person until you've experienced all of their 'seasons' and you need a year to do that, no matter how old you're getting. The most important part is you want a marriage that lasts and a rushed marriage isn't a good one."


I'd keep dating her, save up for a ring if you want. Go apartment/house shopping, look at baby clothes in the mall but proposing to a girl you've known for 3 months is not going to turn out well, you sound like a good guy who really wants to fall in love, so don't rush it.

Sorry, that was a little longer than I had intended.

 

[minendo]

Originally posted by: Scarpozzi
3. Be persistant....I'm sure she'll let you test drive her if you put the right moves on her. Unless she's a nun, she probably has the same desires you do. You just have to let her know that you're for real and you won't leave her afterward.

Right. :roll:

How often does someone test drive a car and then keep it around?

 

[PanzerIV]

1). Absurd. You have a better chance of hitting the lottery.
2). Life is about change and new experiences. See it as an adventure and not a burden. Yes, a long distance thing may be hard but if you truly love her you can do it and moving to be with her won't be a problem.
3). I agree that I wouldn't want to wait either but you seriously need to consider if you are going to find another girl like this and if she's worth waiting for.

Lastly, sounds like you have a lot of contemplation to do. This is either the opportunity of a lifetime or a bad move. Only you know which.

 

[kranky]

1. Oh, come on. You're 26 years old.
2. Don't get engaged until her relocation plans are firm one way or the other.
3. Respect her wishes. "If I am going to commit the rest of my life to one person, we better be having good sex." Amazing to me that sex could be the deciding factor in someone's marriage decision. I know plenty of people who got married for good sex, but divorced because sex isn't what marriage revolves around and they didn't have the other elements (mutual interests, compatibility, respect, trust, etc.). On the other hand, I don't know anyone who has a good, mature, compatible relationship but broke up because of lousy sex.

I think you are in the infatuation stage still. Slow down.

 

[pyonir]

Originally posted by: Doboji
Very possible. Is that a desire you eventually get over?... Or one that you've never had?

And obviously I don't mean literally Angelina... I mean someone on that level, or close to that level of hot.

EDIT: common people I'm not THAT stupid.... I know I'm not going to have sex with Angelina Jolie.... sheesh

-Max

You never know with some of the tards around here man. No...i've never held out for something like that. But i'm in involved currently either. If you are worried about missing out on something further down the line, then you aren't ready to commit to her or marriage.

 

[Modeps]

Originally posted by: Scarpozzi
3. Be persistant....I'm sure she'll let you test drive her if you put the right moves on her. Unless she's a nun, she probably has the same desires you do. You just have to let her know that you're for real and you won't leave her afterward.

:disgust:

 

[gururu]

Stop complaining and be a man about it. If you aren't in love with her break it off. If you are, discuss NOT MOVING.