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Have you ever been owned by a toilet?

brainhulk

brainhulk

Diamond Member
Yesterday i had to take a dump. It was on one of those hands-free infrared flusher thingamjigs. Anywho, every time i finished placing the paper liner on the seat and turned around to pulls down my pants, the damn crapper would flush - taking the liner with it. I am embarrassed at how many attempts i made to get my ass on the seat before it flushed, but i was simply not fast enough. I've never cursed at a toilet before yesterday. I'm sure the other people inside the bathroom thought I was crazy...

I eventually just forgoed the seat liner and bare assed it with success.

/owned
 
I don't see the need for the liner, I just wipe the seat before I sit my ass down.

Brian, eventually you will, it's inevitable, especially when you have the shits.

has those infrared flushers at work but they're battery powered and if the battery dies they don't flush. they eventually removed them and replaced them with conventional handle type.
 
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dawp said:
Brian, eventually you will, it's inevitable, especially when you have the sh**s.
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i would be surprised...

the worst stomachache + diarhea i ever had, i managed to hold for 18 hours till i got home after a ridiculously long day at the office

my body is a well oiled non-pooping machine
 
brianmanahan said:
the worst stomachache + diarhea i ever had, i managed to hold for 18 hours till i got home after a ridiculously long day at the office
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Eons ago on a week long diving adventure to Bonaire, something I had eaten did not agree with me. We loaded our gear into the boat and on the way out I felt just fine. We got to the dive location and I jumped in and started not feeling one bit well. It was a shallow dive and one sure to go on for a good 45 minutes or longer with people gearing up and jumping in when they were ready. The cramps got worse and worse and worse. Surfacing and heading to the boat was not an option because it was a small craft with no head. I had two choices. Hold it in or let if fly underwater. The bottom topography was pretty flat so there was no place to swim off and hide. Everyone along on the morning trip would know for certain what had gone on. The other issue was that I would attract every fish for who knew how far around. Somehow I held it back. I was in absolute agony. Just before we got back to the dock I confessed to a fellow diver and he graciously hauled my gear back to my cabin while I duck walked over to the primitive facilities nearest the dock.
 
get over yourself bryan. You need to poop at work to get that poop monkey off your back.

think of the children
 
never been owned by a toilet, but those infrared auto flush things are annoying.

I hate going when I'm not at home, but sometimes there's no choice.
 
the toilets at my workplace are cleaned 6x a day, and I have enough room to stand off to the side to lay the paper ass gasket (so as not to register on the sensor).

the bathrooms at my workplace are awesome. only problem is when they are being cleaned, they are closed. have to another floor to use theirs (which have a similar cleaning schedule, and exactly the same arrangement on 9 floors)
 
Sat down on a toilet I had used for months prior and found out quickly that some lard ass cracked the seat and when I sat, it pinched my ass cheek hard enough to draw blood. Most traumatic event ever.

For 35+ years of my life a toilet seat had never injured me that I could recall. I could not trust a toilet seat for months afterward.
 
MarkXIX said:
Sat down on a toilet I had used for months prior and found out quickly that some lard ass cracked the seat and when I sat, it pinched my ass cheek hard enough to draw blood. Most traumatic event ever.

For 35+ years of my life a toilet seat had never injured me that I could recall. I could not trust a toilet seat for months afterward.
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Better your ass cheek than your sack. I'll never forget that day.
 
JM Aggie08 said:
Better your ass cheek than your sack. I'll never forget that day.
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Had a co-worker who hefted a huge block of steel up onto a workbench and pinched his uh, member between the block and the bench. He said it swelled up pretty good. Strangely, I couldn't get him to go to medical to have it looked at. :biggrin: He made a lot of trips to the can that day inspecting for damage.
 
Yeah, some of the hands-free stuff is a little overzealous when it comes to flushing. I know one of the toilets at my work is like that. Even reaching for some TP and the thing starts flushing.
 
Yes, once in Rome. It was really the whole bathroom that got me though.

I had a major and immediate urgent need to go. There was to be no delay. Squirts were going to come out without any ability to stop them. So I darted into the nearest business which seemed to be a mixture of a café and a comic book store--it was all a blur so I don't really know for certain.

I rushed to the restroom, which had an antechamber for washing and another inner door for the toilet. To my dismay, there was a urinal and a hanging toilet. At least I think it was a wall hanging toilet, there was paper next to it. Maybe it was an odd bidet. I do not understand doing #2 while standing, but the Italians have different ideas than Americans (many of them just have holes in the floor).

So I pull down the pants, start backing up, and the lights turn off. No light switch! They were on a motion sensor and a timer. I waved my arms about wildly and nothing happened. The motion sensor was in the antechamber. The previous user must have triggered it on while the motion sensor failed to see me. I had no time to figure all that out. I just kept backing up in complete and utter darkness. Then the explosion happened.

The explosion mostly hit the wall hanging toilet/bidet. Then I fumbled around to find the door. Opened it up, the lights turned on automatically, I wiped, washed my hands and fled the scene.
 
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brianmanahan said:
i have never gone #2 at work - ever

i have, however, overflowed my home toilet more times than i can count
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I used the toilet at work only once, and I will say that thing could probably flush a bowling ball. My toilet at home is one of those small low flow lady toilets. I have to be conscience of how much TP I use before I flush. When I buy a home I'm going to put one of those work style toilets in my bathroom.
 
I'm sure I've shared this here before - a story I would not believe if I didn't know the man personally.

He and his wife were shopping at a big furniture store when he realized he had to take a dump ASAP. He ducked into the bathroom and he was mortified that relief was loud and messy. Hoping no one in the store had heard the foghorn noises he had made, he prepared for his exit only to find... no TP. And TP was an absolute necessity. In desperation, he sacrificed one sock to take care of it and decided that as disgusting as it was, it was best to toss the sock in the wastebasket rather than taking a chance it would clog the toilet.

Ready to leave, he flushed. More like TRIED to - he pushed the handle and got nothing. Zero. Worst case scenario. He made up his mind he was going to hustle out, grab his wife, and make a beeline for the car for the getaway.

So he left the bathroom, hustled over to his wife, and whispered "we have to leave now, I'll tell you in the car." And when they were almost to the door, he noticed they were walking by... the bathroom.

He had destroyed a model bathroom in a furniture store.
 
Fascinating thread title, "Have you ever been owned by a toilet?"

I didn't read the OP or any subsequent posts. I find factual details only confuse me and slow me down.

Given that title, being owned by a toilet, I have but one question, "Is this thread about White (Porcelain) Slavery?"
 
Crack i did not see on my own toilet seat pinched some hairs and when i got up,it pulled a good couple hairs off my ass and it hurt.

Not quite a toilet but my local grocery has a hand dryer machine and its placed so close to the sink it just randomly goes off when your washing your hands and its so loud it just scares the shit out of me every time.I am waiting for someone to be in the papers suffering a heart attack in that bathroom.
 
Those liners are retarded. I've just gotten to the point of bare assing it. What is this shit, the womens restroom? Unless your place of work is a drinking pub, you should be ok for fucks sake. Then again, I've only ever worked white collar so I guess I'm used to there not being piss everywhere. These are corporate offices that get cleaned constantly as well.

If you honestly feel the need to do something, just grab 3 pieces of TP and cover the chair instead of those retarded liners.
 
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