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Have you ever been owned by a toilet?

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Same problem with infrared sensor toilets...

You have to figure out how much time you have before the flush is activated. The ones at my old job needed something in front of the sensor for at least a couple seconds or it would ignore it.

Also, I would stand off to the side and make sure to not hang my arms in front of the toilet for too long while "laying down the foundation."
 
boomerang said:
Had a co-worker who hefted a huge block of steel up onto a workbench and pinched his uh, member between the block and the bench. He said it swelled up pretty good. Strangely, I couldn't get him to go to medical to have it looked at. :biggrin: He made a lot of trips to the can that day inspecting for damage.
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....why wasn't he wearing pants?
 
MarkXIX said:
Sat down on a toilet I had used for months prior and found out quickly that some lard ass cracked the seat and when I sat, it pinched my ass cheek hard enough to draw blood. Most traumatic event ever.

For 35+ years of my life a toilet seat had never injured me that I could recall. I could not trust a toilet seat for months afterward.
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This thread delivers. :biggrin:
 
When i just started working at my current job, i had a lot of digestive problems and had to use the loo often. Maybe because i was stressed of having a new job. Anyway, i managed to clog up the toilet so much that a plumber had to come to flush out the excess of toilet paper i had been using. At least, that is what i thought. As it turned out, prior before my toilet use somebody had tried to flush a piece of cloth that partially blocked the sewer pipe.
 
footballrunner800 said:
Is it wired that I really enjoy reading these s**t threads? I can't stop laughing at some of the stories.
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normally they get locked down super fast, but i think this one has lasted so long due to the benevolence of our great leader perknose

truly his grace and mercy are unfailing
 
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brianmanahan said:
wait what why?
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in morocco, at night (well, kinda weird, night on one side and dawn on the other). had to drop a log so i just walked a little off the road with some paper tissues. no bowl, nothing to get dirty, maximum dumping freedom.
probably made the day of some dung beetle too. win-win.
 
I remember in my younger days I was taking a Greyhound from Kansas City to Leavenworth. Halfway there I had to really go..I mean really go......the bathroom on the bus was out of order.
I was stuck what to do....
Needless to say I took a dump in my pants and just sat there looking around as if it was not be that had just stunk up the whole bus......
 
boomerang said:
Eons ago on a week long diving adventure to Bonaire, something I had eaten did not agree with me. We loaded our gear into the boat and on the way out I felt just fine. We got to the dive location and I jumped in and started not feeling one bit well. It was a shallow dive and one sure to go on for a good 45 minutes or longer with people gearing up and jumping in when they were ready. The cramps got worse and worse and worse. Surfacing and heading to the boat was not an option because it was a small craft with no head. I had two choices. Hold it in or let if fly underwater. The bottom topography was pretty flat so there was no place to swim off and hide. Everyone along on the morning trip would know for certain what had gone on. The other issue was that I would attract every fish for who knew how far around. Somehow I held it back. I was in absolute agony. Just before we got back to the dock I confessed to a fellow diver and he graciously hauled my gear back to my cabin while I duck walked over to the primitive facilities nearest the dock.
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Bump that. I would be chumming.
 
When I take a dump at work, I use different shoes (in case someone recognizes them when looking under the stall). My name badge hanging from my belt is also hidden for the same reason. Also go to a different floor in some other bumfuck area.

Got to let the poison out (anonymously).
 
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We have a lot of paranoid in here. Why would anybody care who is taking a dump? And the paper ass gaskets are stupid also. Ya'll act like a bunch of old women.
 
brainhulk said:
Yesterday i had to take a dump. It was on one of those hands-free infrared flusher thingamjigs. Anywho, every time i finished placing the paper liner on the seat and turned around to pulls down my pants, the damn crapper would flush - taking the liner with it. I am embarrassed at how many attempts i made to get my ass on the seat before it flushed, but i was simply not fast enough. I've never cursed at a toilet before yesterday. I'm sure the other people inside the bathroom thought I was crazy...

I eventually just forgoed the seat liner and bare assed it with success.

/owned
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Why not simply drape some TP over the sensor? That's what I do.
 
brianmanahan said:
i have never gone #2 at work - ever

i have, however, overflowed my home toilet more times than i can count
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I used to be like you. My current employer keeps a can of Lysol surface disinfectant in each stall, so I have no problem using the toilet at work for # 2 now.
 
MarkXIX said:
Sat down on a toilet I had used for months prior and found out quickly that some lard ass cracked the seat and when I sat, it pinched my ass cheek hard enough to draw blood. Most traumatic event ever.

For 35+ years of my life a toilet seat had never injured me that I could recall. I could not trust a toilet seat for months afterward.
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Wow. I don't think I would ever sit without looking.
 
I once sat on a toilet and there was a crack on the toilet seat. The crack pinched my bum something fierce. 🙁
 
Use a squat potty. Problem solved. 🙂

dsc_0113c.jpg
 
JEDIYoda said:
I remember in my younger days I was taking a Greyhound from Kansas City to Leavenworth. Halfway there I had to really go..I mean really go......the bathroom on the bus was out of order.
I was stuck what to do....
Needless to say I took a dump in my pants and just sat there looking around as if it was not be that had just stunk up the whole bus......
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Ewww.... 😱

I never did number 2 out of the house yet!

I remember going to a rock club. There was a huge line going out of the men's and women's rest room. In the men's restroom there was only one stall with a guy taking a #2. We had a few urinals as well. The guys were all banging on the doors and shouting. How can you do a #2 with 50 guys who are drunk in the bathroom shouting and yelling. How do you even wipe yourself?
 
I had the sharts once and had to run to a dumpster and climb inside. Sometimes you just have to throw the underwear away.
 
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