Well, it comes to this. I have been here for just about a year and four months... and what a time it has been. I have gotten to know a great many of you personally, met ten or twelve of you, and become acquainted with many more. In the time that I have been here, this has become more than just a forum - it has become a community. A place of learning, a place for me to argue until my lungs (or hands) are blue, a place to joke and laugh so hard that I cry. Sometimes, just to cry. It is vibrant, changing, alive. It is a wonderful place to associate with.
However, this has gone from being merely a hobby to being a daily activity - it has taken the place of constant, regular interaction with people in real life. I have gone from someone who used to spend the majority of his time outside, in a gym, or with other people to someone who spends the majority of time by himself, in front of a computer. One of the first things I do when I'm done with classes is come home and check ATOT and the war forum to see what's new. I've done more research for debates on this forum than I have for most of the classes I have taken in the last two years. Through the strongest periods of lethargy and self-hatred, I had this forum to feed it, to encourage it and sink my energy into, rather than facing the problems I was going through.
This is not healthy. I have been ignoring the symptoms of chronic depression for far too long, and been ignoring my emotional, social, and physical health. This forum has become a time sinkhole and a way for me to blind myself to the reality of those aspects. I am not blaming this forum or anyone on it; rather, I am recognizing my own weakness and propensity for addiction and avoidance, and realizing that I need to face that weakness and devote myself to overcoming it. I am taking steps to face that weakness; this is one of them.
With that, I am leaving. I am asking the moderators to lock my account when the subscription runs out; maybe, at some point in the future, I can come back with a new perspective and a new understanding of who I am and how I think of the world around me. Melodrama is not my strong suit; however, I did want to say thank you to the people whom I have met and who have supported me. Thank you, for being the people you are.
Goodbye.
However, this has gone from being merely a hobby to being a daily activity - it has taken the place of constant, regular interaction with people in real life. I have gone from someone who used to spend the majority of his time outside, in a gym, or with other people to someone who spends the majority of time by himself, in front of a computer. One of the first things I do when I'm done with classes is come home and check ATOT and the war forum to see what's new. I've done more research for debates on this forum than I have for most of the classes I have taken in the last two years. Through the strongest periods of lethargy and self-hatred, I had this forum to feed it, to encourage it and sink my energy into, rather than facing the problems I was going through.
This is not healthy. I have been ignoring the symptoms of chronic depression for far too long, and been ignoring my emotional, social, and physical health. This forum has become a time sinkhole and a way for me to blind myself to the reality of those aspects. I am not blaming this forum or anyone on it; rather, I am recognizing my own weakness and propensity for addiction and avoidance, and realizing that I need to face that weakness and devote myself to overcoming it. I am taking steps to face that weakness; this is one of them.
With that, I am leaving. I am asking the moderators to lock my account when the subscription runs out; maybe, at some point in the future, I can come back with a new perspective and a new understanding of who I am and how I think of the world around me. Melodrama is not my strong suit; however, I did want to say thank you to the people whom I have met and who have supported me. Thank you, for being the people you are.
Goodbye.
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