Getting married next week!

elektrolokomotive

Golden Member
Jan 14, 2004
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So, my gf and I have been engaged for a little while, then I moved from the Chicago area to
Seattle in pursuit of a job. She was going to leave Chicago with her kids when our lease
expired at the end of June. After speaking to her ex a couple of months ago regarding the
modification of visitation, which he said he wasn't happy about it, but he'd do it, he turns
around and wants to go to court to try and get joint custody!!!

Mind you, this is a guy who is almost a year behind in child support, hides his income from
the IRS, and thinks nothing of blowing off visitations when it's convenient for him. I've
been supporting the kids since I moved in with her.

Meanwhile, we still have to be out of our Chicago house June 30. My gf is going to have to
stay with friends until this get sorted out. It could be a long time before she's able to
move.

Her attorney strongly advised us to get married right away, as this would make our case that
much stronger. So... we're getting married next week when I come back into town to move our
stuff. It's not really the way we wanted our wedding to be, but there you go.
 

Xenon14

Platinum Member
Oct 9, 1999
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Ouch.... but if marriage is gonna make things easier, I guess it's best. You can always have a 'wedding' wedding later on.
 

jjones

Lifer
Oct 9, 2001
15,424
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Do what the wife and I did, get married now and then have the real wedding later. We had the civil ceremony in June out of the need to get it formalized, and then had our real wedding with all the family in October.

The only bad part (from a man's POV) is that I now have two anniversaries per year to remember. :p
 

Xenon14

Platinum Member
Oct 9, 1999
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Originally posted by: jjones
Do what the wife and I did, get married now and then have the real wedding later. We had the civil ceremony in June out of the need to get it formalized, and then had our real wedding with all the family in October.

The only bad part (from a man's POV) is that I now have two anniversaries per year to remember. :p


are u sure you're not the wife? (referring to your icon)
 

rh71

No Lifer
Aug 28, 2001
52,844
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hey you don't need the ceremony just yet... just get it legal at city hall and you're golden, no ?
 

Nanotech

Senior member
Mar 10, 2004
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That's cool, not ideal, but hopefully everything will work out in the end.

Best Wishes!
 

rgwalt

Diamond Member
Apr 22, 2000
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Originally posted by: jjones
Do what the wife and I did, get married now and then have the real wedding later. We had the civil ceremony in June out of the need to get it formalized, and then had our real wedding with all the family in October.

The only bad part (from a man's POV) is that I now have two anniversaries per year to remember. :p

Just tell her to choose one date. You don't get to have two wedding aniversaries per year. Easy enough!

R
 

EagleKeeper

Discussion Club Moderator<br>Elite Member
Staff member
Oct 30, 2000
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If you know that income is being hidden and child support payments are not being paid, let the IRS know. Wages/income may be able to be garnished to help ease the situation.

Remember though, get married for love, not hormones or convienence.
 

elektrolokomotive

Golden Member
Jan 14, 2004
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Originally posted by: EagleKeeper
If you know that income is being hidden and child support payments are not being paid, let the IRS know. Wages/income may be able to be garnished to help ease the situation.

Remember though, get married for love, not hormones or convienence.

Believe me, I'm looking into this. Unfortunately, Illinois is very slow to take action. And, ever since he's decided to fight this, the child support payments have been coming in. I don't think he realizes that it's too late for that; he's already in contempt of court. I'm going to take great pleasure in her using that money to fight back.

I am definitely getting married for love. She's the woman I wish I had found 15 years ago.
 

cronos

Diamond Member
Nov 7, 2001
9,380
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101
Originally posted by: jjones
Do what the wife and I did, get married now and then have the real wedding later. We had the civil ceremony in June out of the need to get it formalized, and then had our real wedding with all the family in October.

The only bad part (from a man's POV) is that I now have two anniversaries per year to remember. :p

lol. that must be hard :)
 

jjones

Lifer
Oct 9, 2001
15,424
2
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Originally posted by: rgwalt
Originally posted by: jjones
Do what the wife and I did, get married now and then have the real wedding later. We had the civil ceremony in June out of the need to get it formalized, and then had our real wedding with all the family in October.

The only bad part (from a man's POV) is that I now have two anniversaries per year to remember. :p

Just tell her to choose one date. You don't get to have two wedding aniversaries per year. Easy enough!

R
LOL, try getting that one over on a female. It ain't gonna happen. :p
 

KarenMarie

Elite Member
Sep 20, 2003
14,372
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81
You are a good man not only to support her children, but to marry earlier than expected to help her keep custody.

Kudos to you!!

:)
 

Yax

Platinum Member
Feb 11, 2003
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imo, wrong reason to get married. What does your attorney say? You should get one. Her attorney will say what's best for her, not you.

You should get married for the right reasons, that way you can avoid a costly divorce later on in life. Also, remember that if you chose responsibility for the kids and she decides she wants a divorce, you're still responsible for the kids. That's child support for kids that aren't even yours.
 

KarenMarie

Elite Member
Sep 20, 2003
14,372
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Originally posted by: cheapbidder01
imo, wrong reason to get married. What does your attorney say? You should get one. Her attorney will say what's best for her, not you.

You should get married for the right reasons, that way you can avoid a costly divorce later on in life. Also, remember that if you chose responsibility for the kids and she decides she wants a divorce, you're still responsible for the kids. That's child support for kids that aren't even yours.

They have been engaged for a while. They would get married anyway. The only difference is that they are gonna have a civil service immediately, instead of a ceremonial one later.
 

Phoenix86

Lifer
May 21, 2003
14,644
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Originally posted by: EagleKeeper
If you know that income is being hidden and child support payments are not being paid, let the IRS know. Wages/income may be able to be garnished to help ease the situation.

Remember though, get married for love, not hormones or convienence.
If he's hiding his income (employer isn't reporting it) it'll be hard for the IRS to garnish the wages. You would have to first report the employer, assuming they know where the scumbag works.

Also, he said they had been engaged for a while, meaning they made the decision to get married before this came up. In fact, I'm pretty sure the reason to move to another city was strongly affected by the fact that they ARE engaged.

elektrolokomotive, good luck, your being a stand up kinda guy for dealing with 'baggage'. Hope every thing works out well.
 

badmouse

Platinum Member
Dec 3, 2003
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Congrats, and I wish you happiness and good fortune. Sounds like you've found someone you really care about.
 

PowerEngineer

Diamond Member
Oct 22, 2001
3,606
785
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Originally posted by: badmouse
Congrats, and I wish you happiness and good fortune. Sounds like you've found someone you really care about.

I will just put in a small word on the behalf on the noncustodial parent. I'll ready to believe that your soon-to-be wife's ex-husband is a dead-beat uncaring father, but many others are just the opposite. I can imagine (NOT speaking from personal experience) how frustrated and powerless I would feel if my children were suddenly moving cross country because my ex-wife decided she wanted to. I can see how I might try for a change to joint custody so that I could have them live with me at least part of each year.

Just my 2 cents...