One word of advice: make sure you aren't more than 20 ft from the bathroom during the prep, and that the bathroom is well stocked with reading material and toilet paper in advance.
Platypus
Lifer
- Apr 26, 2001
- 31,046
- 321
- 136
BoomerD
No Lifer
- Feb 26, 2006
- 66,288
- 14,706
- 146
That's lots of time for us to make butt jokes, post links to procedures gone bad...and in general, make your life miserable...
That's lots of time for us to make butt jokes, post links to procedures gone bad...and in general, make your life miserable...
if i cared i wouldn't have posted it in the forum.
BoomerD
No Lifer
- Feb 26, 2006
- 66,288
- 14,706
- 146
Lucky 13, that's just how many shocking comments this physician claimed his patients actually made while he was performing their colonoscopies. Enjoy! (Not referring to a colonoscopy that is...)
1. "Take it easy Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before!"
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know in Arkansas we're now legally married."
6. "Any sign of the trapped miners Chief?"
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"
10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
11. "You used to be an executive at Enron didn't you?"
12. "God, Now I know why I am not gay."
13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is in fact not up there." (our favorite)
http://www.thedocisin.net/?p=13370
From columnist Dave Barry:
I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis .
Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'
I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies.
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.
MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything.
And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet. After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.
The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough. At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked. Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this is, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.
When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' has to be the least appropriate. 'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.
I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, Feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
1. "Take it easy Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before!"
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know in Arkansas we're now legally married."
6. "Any sign of the trapped miners Chief?"
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"
10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
11. "You used to be an executive at Enron didn't you?"
12. "God, Now I know why I am not gay."
13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is in fact not up there." (our favorite)
http://www.thedocisin.net/?p=13370
From columnist Dave Barry:
I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis .
Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'
I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies.
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.
MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything.
And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet. After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.
The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough. At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked. Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this is, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.
When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' has to be the least appropriate. 'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.
I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, Feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
- Jan 2, 2001
- 25,322
- 4,987
- 136
I don't think Johns Hopkins, The American Cancer Society, The American College of Gastroenterology and United States Preventive Services Task Force are health insurers and they all say 10 years beginning at age 50.
lol n1 boomer.
like i said i'm really not that worried. i'm not one to worry about things out of my control.
like i said i'm really not that worried. i'm not one to worry about things out of my control.
zinfamous
No Lifer
- Jul 12, 2006
- 111,864
- 31,359
- 146
eh, it's all probably going to be rescinded soon. 10-20 year data shows no significantly effective benefit to colonoscopy--which is full exploration of the the bowel, as opposed to sigmoidoscopy, which is only partial.
Even the initial proponent of the procedure, the person whom almost singlehandedly responsible for making the procedure so routine now believes that it likely does more harm than good, when recommended as a general procedure for everyone.
http://marketplace.publicradio.org/...-should-the-colonoscopy-be-the-gold-standard/
same is happening with mastectomies and pap smears.
- Jan 2, 2001
- 25,322
- 4,987
- 136
That's great. I'm all for less expensive, less invasive, less anethetised and maybe less often procedures in any area.
interesting. i kind of need one though, i've already had urine and blood tests, plus an ultrasound of everything below the lungs and above the intestines.
also, i've done a little research into the doctor and i'm pretty happy with the recommendation to him i received from my primary doc. he has pretty good reviews.
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zinfamous
No Lifer
- Jul 12, 2006
- 111,864
- 31,359
- 146
yeah, it's still useful and probably necessary for certain patients--but like many of the ACS standard procedures now considered necessary for daily health--it is seen as more problematic than useful.
This isn't an issue of reducing costs, either. It's the fact that far too many unnecessary procedures tend to cause more problems than they prevent.
In fact, the absolute best way to detect various forms of butt cancer now seems to be a dog sniffing your keister and your poo:
http://www.sciencenetlinks.com/sci_update.php?DocID=291
as cool as that it is, don't expect dogs to show up at your GP or GI's office. the hope is that we will be able to isolate and eventually be able to detect the exact compounds the dogs are detecting with their noses, and further be able to distinguish the various compounds put out by the thousands of different cancers using an almost completely non-evasive device.
how's that for a billion dollar project?
cool stuff zinfamous, sounds similar to the technologies that are being used to detect airborne particulates with lasers. military is using the stuff to detect different chemical weapons and IEDs. a friend of mines father owns a company that designs those systems for the military.
zinfamous
No Lifer
- Jul 12, 2006
- 111,864
- 31,359
- 146
well, we've used light to detect concentrations and purity of things like DNA, RNA and various other compounds in chemical analysis for a few decades now (spectroscopy). same sort of thing, I imagine. very cool stuff, nonetheless.
I'm still completely perplexed and in utter awe over things like those laser thermometers. I mean, I'm just a caveman. that stuff frightens me.
How do it work?
highland145
Lifer
- Oct 12, 2009
- 43,973
- 6,338
- 136
Thanks for the info. Glad that I can cancel that "Exit Only" tattoo.
If you don't mind, what's your background.
boomerang
Lifer
- Jun 19, 2000
- 18,883
- 641
- 126
I ended up drinking the last half right on the toilet with the jug and cup on the tub. It just didn't make sense to get up anymore.
The first time I had the enormous jug and the second, not so large but I don't remember any more details about them. The first one I didn't finish it all. I started getting the shakes so bad I decided to quit. Maybe from dehydration? Don't know.
I got scoped from the top end one time too. Now that's an experience. The prep is no big deal just quit eating x hours before the procedure. I went in and they handed me a tray to hold under my mouth and sprayed an enormous quantity of whatever liquid into the back of my throat. They sprayed and sprayed and sprayed. I was then told to spit it out into the tray and the whole inside of my mouth instantly went numb. Very strange feeling. It's to quash the gag reflex when the scope goes down your throat. Even though you're totally out for the procedure I guess the gag reflex still comes into play.
Bunch of old farts talking about their medical procedures. And we swore we'd never do that, didn't we?
well, we've used light to detect concentrations and purity of things like DNA, RNA and various other compounds in chemical analysis for a few decades now (spectroscopy). same sort of thing, I imagine. very cool stuff, nonetheless.
I'm still completely perplexed and in utter awe over things like those laser thermometers. I mean, I'm just a caveman. that stuff frightens me.
How do it work?
I've had to use a laser thermometer a few times and they had me in awe too. I played with them probably 90% of the time they were in my possession just seeing what I could get readings off and how far away lol.
zinfamous
No Lifer
- Jul 12, 2006
- 111,864
- 31,359
- 146
I currently work in genetics. Mostly MoBio/developmental bio experience.
I'm only familiar with cancer and clinical stuff b/c personal experience leads to interest, family work, and because I heard about the dogs on NPR last week.
*possibly* going into cancer research though. not sure, yet. :\
highland145
Lifer
- Oct 12, 2009
- 43,973
- 6,338
- 136
Thanks, Grats and best of...I currently work in genetics. Mostly MoBio/developmental bio experience.
I'm only familiar with cancer and clinical stuff b/c personal experience leads to interest, family work, and because I heard about the dogs on NPR last week.
*possibly* going into cancer research though. not sure, yet. :\
Been there done that. When you have an ulcer you know it, I have no idea why they needed to do the colonoscopy but they did.
H.Pylori no more and only one more ulcer since.
H.Pylori no more and only one more ulcer since.
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I had one done a few years ago and I do not remember drinking as much stuff as you guys. Then again the doctor I met at the bar kept telling me to drink what he was having and I wouldnt feel a thing Seriously, I remember being up all night on the toilet, which was normal for me at the time because I had developed c. diff and constant attacks and running to the bowl were not an uncommon occurrence at that time. Then we went to the hospital, got a shot and woke up a half hour later. Nothing to it really. I have heard that the discomfort you feel is the air they use to expand the colon to look around, which gives you the bloated feeling afterwards, though I don't remember how much of that is true.
Peace
Lounatik
Seriously, I remember being up all night on the toilet, which was normal for me at the time because I had developed c. diff and constant attacks and running to the bowl were not an uncommon occurrence at that time. Then we went to the hospital, got a shot and woke up a half hour later. Nothing to it really. I have heard that the discomfort you feel is the air they use to expand the colon to look around, which gives you the bloated feeling afterwards, though I don't remember how much of that is true.Peace
Lounatik
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