• We’re currently investigating an issue related to the forum theme and styling that is impacting page layout and visual formatting. The problem has been identified, and we are actively working on a resolution. There is no impact to user data or functionality, this is strictly a front-end display issue. We’ll post an update once the fix has been deployed. Thanks for your patience while we get this sorted.

friends first before dating

Page 2 - Seeking answers? Join the AnandTech community: where nearly half-a-million members share solutions and discuss the latest tech.
Originally posted by: skywalker66
Originally posted by: freesia39
in a feeble attempt to keep this from happening again.

WHY WORRY SO DAMN MUCH?! IF IT HAPPENS, IT HAPPENS!
Click to expand...

some people prefer sitting around and waiting for things to happen. Then there are people like me, who learn as much as they can and do as much as they can in order to help 'make things happen'

fine, you don't get to know people well in a group settings. others do! let them be! don't whine about it! how about hang around the group all the time and you WILL get to know them? like duh?

.
Click to expand...

here's the thing, i dont want to feel forced that i must get to know a girl through a group and not one on one.
I would much rather just hang out with a girl one on one, and not be looked down upon as someone 'dating someone too soon'

i guess what im wondering is... does my rationale make sense, in that its worthwhile to hang out with a girl one on one? or should you always do it in groups if you don't know her that well?

its a simple dang question that I am just looking for some other people's inputs on...
Click to expand...

I fell into my current awesome relationship by hanging out one on one as friends. Well, her and her apartment came to our apartment to cook a few times, I knew her through friends, I got her AIM name, we chatted a bit, started hanging out, watching movies, etc. Got to that cuddly physically flirty stage, and things just sorta went. The only unusual time for both of us was discussing if we should be dating since we, well, already were pretty much 😛 Now we're together, no physcial or mental damage later. I say it's all good.
 
Originally posted by: hdeck
seriously, just sign up for an online dating service like match.com and let the internet do the work for you. you ask way too many questions.
Click to expand...

He's right. I looked at match and there are so many hot girls. I think I'll sign up.
 
Originally posted by: hdeck
seriously, just sign up for an online dating service like match.com and let the internet do the work for you. you ask way too many questions.
Click to expand...

 
Originally posted by: skywalker66
It seems to be that this is a scenario which is quite common today, where people prefer to getting to know someone well first, before they go out on dates with them.

Some people do this intentionally, other people say that this is just the way it ends up happening.

In either case it is something that I cannot understand. I dont know about anyone else. But I find that I can't get to know someone really well in a group setting, and that basically you have to call the person out and ask them to do something one on one with you, if you want to get to know them better (and i consider that the same as asking someone out on a date)

I suppose maybe there is a rare scenario where lets say you work with someone and you are aronud them all the time, so you get to know them. Or they were just the neighbor next door, or something like that. But it seems like those opportunities are so rare that it would be a long wait, and also your selection would be severly limited if you only dated people that you knew well beforehand (I also thought the point of dating was to get to know someone better, and that was why you dated)

I guess I hear people that say, "well I've noticed that it always happens that I'm real good friends with my guys or my girls first, before I date them"

And I'm wondering why this is so. Does dating just jynx the situation? Does dating just not work, and that is why some didnt meet/get-to-know their girlfriend/boyfriend through dating?

Or is it that people are just too afraid to ask other people out on dates? So the only people they get to know are those that they can get to know without stepping out on a limb (you get to know them in a way without having to hangout with them one on one)
Click to expand...

My gf and I started out as friends first, just talking alot, hanging out. Then we realized we really liked each other and we would be good together. Being friends first is a good idea. You see someone you like, talk to them and get to know them....hang out with them for a while, and see what happens.
 
Originally posted by: skywalker66
Originally posted by: Koing
Well I was friends with my gf before we went out with each other.

Never really 'dated' but we went out together as friends. BUT we didn't go out in groups or anything like that. She was out with my friends twice or three times but the other times 98% of the time it was just her and me.

It worked for us. I asked her out when I felt the time was right and yeah and we are still together.

But yeah I think people should ask someone out later and spend time 'together' and not in groups. Not that I spent any time with her friends lol.

People need to learn to take some rejection but that is easier said then done. But once you get more experience and confidence it comes easier and you don't care too much and brush it off. But this comes with experience and confidence.

Koing
Click to expand...


I guess some people would call hanging out with a girl one on one "dating" even though you two are just doing it as friends, some people will still call it 'dating' and look down on it, because you didnt get to know her through a group or something.
Click to expand...

We didn't 'date' as neither of us said so. Seems silly but I think it is fair enough to say we didn't date. We hung out together but we didn't date. When I decided to grow some balls and ask her out I did. Told her how I felt and she felt the same. Then yeah after that we went out together.

Koing

 
Being friends first is a good idea. You see someone you like, talk to them and get to know them....hang out with them for a while, and see what happens.
Click to expand...

isn't that what dating is, too?
 
Originally posted by: bigalt
Being friends first is a good idea. You see someone you like, talk to them and get to know them....hang out with them for a while, and see what happens.
Click to expand...

isn't that what dating is, too?
Click to expand...


The whole point is not to rush anything, which is what most people do. What I like to do is find someone I like and pursue it with the intention that nothing would ever happen between us. This way, I act like myself and if she likes me, then she really likes me for me.

This isnt brain surgury guys.
 
Originally posted by: hdeck
seriously, just sign up for an online dating service like match.com and let the internet do the work for you. you ask way too many questions.
Click to expand...

Some of those sites consider their match rate very important for advertising purposes, so they'll actually reject you if they think they won't be able to match you with someone. I don't know about match.com, but I'm pretty sure e-harmony works that way. skywalker66 would most definitely be rejected, and that can't be good for his self-esteem. 🙂

I suggest Lowered Expectations, the dating service that advertises on MadTV (or advertised... I haven't watched it in years). 😉
 
Originally posted by: hdeck
seriously, just sign up for an online dating service like match.com and let the internet do the work for you. you ask way too many questions.
Click to expand...

too bad you have to be over 18 to do this 🙁
 
I was friends with my current girlfriend for over a year before we were "officially" dating. She was my next-door neighbor at college and I just ended up hanging out with her and her roomate all the time. We slowly became good friends, then became flirty, and then at some point (we don't really know when it happened) we were "together". And you don't necessarily have to be friends first: I was friends with her roomate first, since we had a class together. She (current gf) said that when she first met me, she didn't like me at all! Then she said I sort of slowly grew on her. . . and now we've been together for 4 years 🙂
 
I think being friends first isnt such a hot idea, only because it sets a guy up for failure a lot of times. Girls will put you on a shelf and say "he's my FRIEND... he's like a brother to me!" I've said this before here, and what that means is "I am not attracted to him but I will get free stuff out of him". This isn't always the case, but a lot of times it is. If you are too nice before you are romantic you run a high risk of getting shelved because she'll lose attraction after a while.


As far as getting to know people, thats what dating is for. What people like to rush into is marriage. After a year they are ready to hop right into it, saying "WEVE BEEN TOGETHER A YEAR!" like its some kind of accomplishment, then 2 years later they are divorced.
 
Originally posted by: mugs
Originally posted by: hdeck
seriously, just sign up for an online dating service like match.com and let the internet do the work for you. you ask way too many questions.
Click to expand...

Some of those sites consider their match rate very important for advertising purposes, so they'll actually reject you if they think they won't be able to match you with someone. I don't know about match.com, but I'm pretty sure e-harmony works that way. skywalker66 would most definitely be rejected, and that can't be good for his self-esteem. 🙂

I suggest Lowered Expectations, the dating service that advertises on MadTV (or advertised... I haven't watched it in years). 😉
Click to expand...

all i know is my friend's reasonably unattractive roomate brings different girls home quite often and most of them actually seem quite normal.
 
stop posting. or die. either one, please choose
Click to expand...


I like when I don't have to guess whether or not I've touched a nerve. If I wanted someone to die for something they said, it would certainly have to be true, at the very least.

Don't try to shoot the messenger.
 
Originally posted by: UnixFreak
stop posting. or die. either one, please choose
Click to expand...


I like when I don't have to guess whether or not I've touched a nerve. If I wanted someone to die for something they said, it would certainly have to be true, at the very least.

Don't try to shoot the messenger.
Click to expand...

pretty sure he was speaking to skywalker, thus why he didn't quote:beer:
 
Originally posted by: fivespeed5
Originally posted by: skywalker66
Originally posted by: notfred
So, you're back to your original username and still posting the same old crap, huh?
Click to expand...

crap, i thought i lost the password to this name. I'm on a friends computer now, maybe i can recover this account, wohooo!
Click to expand...

OMG you post threads like this not only from YOUR computer but from your FRIEND'S computer? you need help.
Click to expand...

that is assuming he has friends and isnt just bsing us...
 
pretty sure he was speaking to skywalker, thus why he didn't quote
Click to expand...

yeah, probably, but it still holds true. Anytime you are trying to censor someone, the natural human reaction for others is to wonder why this person wants to censor the statement. Its especially true with Americans.

Not trying to start a flame war with him, I'm just sayin 😀
 
Originally posted by: UnixFreak
pretty sure he was speaking to skywalker, thus why he didn't quote
Click to expand...

yeah, probably, but it still holds true. Anytime you are trying to censor someone, the natural human reaction for others is to wonder why this person wants to censor the statement. Its especially true with Americans.

Not trying to start a flame war with him, I'm just sayin 😀
Click to expand...

yes but when dealing with skywalker, it is usually an unspoken agreement that common decency can be thrown on the window😀:beer:
 
I am beginning to think this is a gimmick by an Anandtech "insider". He posts with 2 usernames, and publically admits it too. How is he not banned yet?
 
Originally posted by: amdskip
I think I'm going from the friends zone to better things shortly. It is possible!
Click to expand...

perception and reality aren't always the same, but good luck:beer:
 
Originally posted by: hdeck
pretty sure he was speaking to skywalker, thus why he didn't quote:beer:
Click to expand...

of course. :beer: for you!

rolleye.gif
for the other guy.
 
actually..this topic interests me. Im in some situation where i just met a girl that i would be interested to date. we are still in the 'interview' phase though but i think she would be interested. Reading girls signals hasnt been a very clear endeavor for me though. Its funny how she sort of just fell into my world from a random chance meeting. (several actually) I was just minding my own business, focussing on stuff for work and fun, and all of a sudden ran into this pretty girl that i got along well with. my point is, you cant be wanting and looking for someone because you will be dissappointed.

 
You must log in or register to reply here.

TRENDING THREADS

Back
Top