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friends first before dating

S

skywalker66

Banned
It seems to be that this is a scenario which is quite common today, where people prefer to getting to know someone well first, before they go out on dates with them.

Some people do this intentionally, other people say that this is just the way it ends up happening.

In either case it is something that I cannot understand. I dont know about anyone else. But I find that I can't get to know someone really well in a group setting, and that basically you have to call the person out and ask them to do something one on one with you, if you want to get to know them better (and i consider that the same as asking someone out on a date)

I suppose maybe there is a rare scenario where lets say you work with someone and you are aronud them all the time, so you get to know them. Or they were just the neighbor next door, or something like that. But it seems like those opportunities are so rare that it would be a long wait, and also your selection would be severly limited if you only dated people that you knew well beforehand (I also thought the point of dating was to get to know someone better, and that was why you dated)

I guess I hear people that say, "well I've noticed that it always happens that I'm real good friends with my guys or my girls first, before I date them"

And I'm wondering why this is so. Does dating just jynx the situation? Does dating just not work, and that is why some didnt meet/get-to-know their girlfriend/boyfriend through dating?

Or is it that people are just too afraid to ask other people out on dates? So the only people they get to know are those that they can get to know without stepping out on a limb (you get to know them in a way without having to hangout with them one on one)
 
Well I was friends with my gf before we went out with each other.

Never really 'dated' but we went out together as friends. BUT we didn't go out in groups or anything like that. She was out with my friends twice or three times but the other times 98% of the time it was just her and me.

It worked for us. I asked her out when I felt the time was right and yeah and we are still together.

But yeah I think people should ask someone out later and spend time 'together' and not in groups. Not that I spent any time with her friends lol.

People need to learn to take some rejection but that is easier said then done. But once you get more experience and confidence it comes easier and you don't care too much and brush it off. But this comes with experience and confidence.

Koing
 
people bitch about the friend zone all the time, but i prefer dating a friend over a stranger...just makes things so much easier.

-=bmacd=-
 
When I was 13 I used to post annoying crap on message boards, then when people started to hate me I'd post even more. I know what you're gonig thru skywalker, hopefully you grow out of it within a year like I did.


Trust me, you aren't making friends.
 
why not try dating one of your chick "friends"

*edit* DOH didnt realize it was skywalker...

haha. please disregard my post.
 
Originally posted by: FuZioN
why not try dating one of your chick "friends"

*edit* DOH didnt realize it was skywalker...

haha. please disregard my post.
Click to expand...

heh yeah, that tends to make the situation a little bit less queer.
 
I used to never date my friends, then I started going out with my current ex(ish)-gf. We officially broke up but since we were friends before we've remained friends. Kinda weird in a way but whatever.
 
I just started seeing someone that I'd seen plenty of times, but never said anything beyond "hello." We really hit it off and I can see some serious potential. I think it's best to start from a relatively clean slate rather than being friends for a while.
 
in a feeble attempt to keep this from happening again.

WHY WORRY SO DAMN MUCH?! IF IT HAPPENS, IT HAPPENS!

you can't force any situation onto anyone. you can't magically escape the friend zone. you don't magically get to know someone. sometimes you're just hanging around someone and it goes somewhere else! if there was a magic ball to predict it then we would have any more of your threads whining about how to deal with this!

fine, you don't get to know people well in a group settings. others do! let them be! don't whine about it! how about hang around the group all the time and you WILL get to know them? like duh?

i think you're too afraid to touch another girl, hence the posting of wannabe psychological threads on dating.
 
Originally posted by: Koing
Well I was friends with my gf before we went out with each other.

Never really 'dated' but we went out together as friends. BUT we didn't go out in groups or anything like that. She was out with my friends twice or three times but the other times 98% of the time it was just her and me.

It worked for us. I asked her out when I felt the time was right and yeah and we are still together.

But yeah I think people should ask someone out later and spend time 'together' and not in groups. Not that I spent any time with her friends lol.

People need to learn to take some rejection but that is easier said then done. But once you get more experience and confidence it comes easier and you don't care too much and brush it off. But this comes with experience and confidence.

Koing
Click to expand...


I guess some people would call hanging out with a girl one on one "dating" even though you two are just doing it as friends, some people will still call it 'dating' and look down on it, because you didnt get to know her through a group or something.
 
Originally posted by: notfred
So, you're back to your original username and still posting the same old crap, huh?
Click to expand...

crap, i thought i lost the password to this name. I'm on a friends computer now, maybe i can recover this account, wohooo!
 
Originally posted by: skywalker66
Originally posted by: notfred
So, you're back to your original username and still posting the same old crap, huh?
Click to expand...

crap, i thought i lost the password to this name. I'm on a friends computer now, maybe i can recover this account, wohooo!
Click to expand...

OMG you post threads like this not only from YOUR computer but from your FRIEND'S computer? you need help.
 
was best friends with my current gf for the last 2 years of high school. we ended up goin to the same university and started dating winter quarter freshman year. 3 years later we are still together. shes my first gf
 
Originally posted by: freesia39
in a feeble attempt to keep this from happening again.

WHY WORRY SO DAMN MUCH?! IF IT HAPPENS, IT HAPPENS!
Click to expand...

some people prefer sitting around and waiting for things to happen. Then there are people like me, who learn as much as they can and do as much as they can in order to help 'make things happen'

fine, you don't get to know people well in a group settings. others do! let them be! don't whine about it! how about hang around the group all the time and you WILL get to know them? like duh?

.
Click to expand...

here's the thing, i dont want to feel forced that i must get to know a girl through a group and not one on one.
I would much rather just hang out with a girl one on one, and not be looked down upon as someone 'dating someone too soon'

i guess what im wondering is... does my rationale make sense, in that its worthwhile to hang out with a girl one on one? or should you always do it in groups if you don't know her that well?

its a simple dang question that I am just looking for some other people's inputs on...
 
Originally posted by: skywalker66
Originally posted by: freesia39
in a feeble attempt to keep this from happening again.

WHY WORRY SO DAMN MUCH?! IF IT HAPPENS, IT HAPPENS!
Click to expand...

some people prefer sitting around and waiting for things to happen. Then there are people like me, who learn as much as they can and do as much as they can in order to help 'make things happen'

fine, you don't get to know people well in a group settings. others do! let them be! don't whine about it! how about hang around the group all the time and you WILL get to know them? like duh?

.
Click to expand...

here's the thing, i dont want to feel forced that i must get to know a girl through a group and not one on one.
I would much rather just hang out with a girl one on one, and not be looked down upon as someone 'dating someone too soon'

i guess what im wondering is... does my rationale make sense, in that its worthwhile to hang out with a girl one on one? or should you always do it in groups if you don't know her that well?

its a simple dang question that I am just looking for some other people's inputs on...
Click to expand...

First of all, you really can't force these things. When it's time things WILL come together. Trust me.

What do you mean by being looked down upon for dating too early? Like I mentioned above, I went on a date 24 hours after asking out a girl and really talking to her for the first time. Groups may be more comfortable, but one-on-one is where connections are made.
 
seriously, just sign up for an online dating service like match.com and let the internet do the work for you. you ask way too many questions.
 
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