Floridians Unite!!! Time to Crush California!!! - State Combat Thread :P

ISAslot

Platinum Member
Jan 22, 2001
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Not to condone violence or anything, but for the sake of entertainment; I propose a thread about 2 different states. You choose the states, and mix them into military action. Then list the reasons, or explain why you think the state you have chosen wins. You can, of course, be serious or humorous if you like. :)

Ready?

Go!

Florida vs. California

Soldiers Team Florida: Old People, Plethora of eager Teens, N'Sync, Illegal immigrants who despise Cali. for some unknown reason.

Soldiers Team California: IT professionals, Old people, More teens, Illegal immigrants who despise Fla. for some unknown reason.

The industrial machines of the states commence into action after the first news of eminent battle reaches the heads of state.

Florida converts as many elderly people's Lincolns and Cadillac?s as possible into make shift tanks.

California sets up an automotive all out, buy commandeering all Californian automobiles in order to use them offensively in Florida.

Outcome: Florida wins, barely.

-------------------------------------

Reason for outcome:

The industrial might of California was gravely impaired when the state blacked out, leaving the massive computers that ran the war machine ineffective. Without the help of a strong communication/logistics backbone the IT professionals sat waiting in their chairs for the power to come back on.
The older people of Cali. drove with the teens to Florida and raided the homes of N'Sync in Orlando, which served as multiple Floridian pseudo-command centers. The N'Sync Command centers were destroyed along with the N'Sync figureheads.
Florida responded sending the makeshift tanks into battle with the Californian cars, but the number of Californian cars was too great for them. The ill-equipped Floridian roads quickly jammed with the increased traffic, and the illegal immigrants of Florida took advantage of this situation, and stole all the California cars they could. Then they drove them back to California, where the sitting IT professionals made easy targets. The teens of Florida were joined by the teens of Cali. in Florida, where they just had LAN parties and played video games. The illegal immigrants of Cali. raided the Canadian city of Ottawa an after misunderstanding key English instructions.
After the H-bomb was dropped on Sacramento via the space shuttle, California surrendered to Florida, then Florida quickly renamed California, Florafornia.
 

mcveigh

Diamond Member
Dec 20, 2000
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And Florida has the elite undercover cross-dressing-transvestites from South Beach and Key West!
 

Haircut

Platinum Member
Apr 23, 2000
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Czar, isn't Disney Land in California
Walt Disney World is the one in Florida :)
 

woodly6

Diamond Member
May 25, 2001
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Last call for alcohol. Last call for your freedom of speech. Drink up. Happy hour is now enforced by law. Don't forget our house special, it's called a Trickie Dickie Screwdriver. It's got one part Jack Daniels, two parts purple Kool-Aid, and a jigger of formaldehyde from the jar with Hitler's brain in it we got in the back storeroom. Happy trails to you. Happy trails to you.

I am Emperor Ronald Reagan
Born again with fascist cravings
Still, you made me president

Human rights will soon go 'way
I am now your Shah today
Now I command all of you
Now you're going to pray in school
I'll make sure they're Christian too

California Über alles
Über alles California

Ku Klux Klan will control you
Still you think it's natural
knockin' for the master race
Still you wear the happy face

You closed your eyes, can't happen here
Alexander Haig is near
Vietnam won't come back you say
Join the army or you will pay

California Über alles
Über alles California

Yeah, that's it. Just relax. Have another drink, few more pretzels, little more MSG. Turn on those Dallas Cowboys on your TV. Lock your doors. Close your mind. It's time for the two-minute warning.

Welcome to 1984
Are you ready for the third world war?!?
You too will meet the secret police
They'll draft you and they'll jail your niece

You'll go quitely to boot camp
They'll shoot you dead, make you a man
Don't you worry, it's for a cause
Feeding global corporations' claws

Die on our brand new poison gas
El Salvador or Afghanistan
Making money for President Reagan
And all the friends of President Reagan

California Über alles
Über alles California


-Jello Biafra
 

Czar

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
28,510
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<< Czar, isn't Disney Land in California
Walt Disney World is the one in Florida :)
>>



That was before the war ;)
 

Red Dawn

Elite Member
Jun 4, 2001
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Floriduh has Blue Hairs driving 20 miles per hour under the speed limit with their left turn blinker permanently on with Larwence Welk Blaring out their Radios. Californians have Yuppies with Ponytails driving BMW's with the Grateful Dead and The Eagles blaring out of their radios.Advantage California


Floriduh has Cocaine and Pacemakers, California has Latte's and Expresso. Advantage Floriduh.

Floriduh has Jeb Bush, California has Grey Davis. Advantage California.

Floriduh has Tony Montana, California has Joe Montana. Advantage California.

Floriduh had Gators, California has Great White Sharks. Advantage California.

Floriduh has Miami, California has San Francisco. Advantage California

Floriduh has Orlando, California has LA. Advantage Floriduh.

Floriduh has Hurricanes, California has Earthquakes. Advantage California.

Floriduh has the the Pro Sports Teams Buccaneers, Dolphins, Magic,Heat, Marlins and Devil Rays. California has the Pro Sports Teams Warriors, Kings, Lakers, Clippers,Giants, A's, Angels, Padres, the Scumbag Dodgers, Forty Niners,Chargers, the Oakland Traitors err Raiders, USC Trojans and UCLA Bruins. Despite California having the Traitors and the Scumbag Dodgers, advantage California.

Floriduh has Cape Canaveral, California has Ectasy. Advantage California

Floriduh is Closer to Texas than California. Advantage California

Floriduh has the Klu Klux Klan, California has Tree Hugging Liberals. Advantage..Toss up.
 

orty

Golden Member
Nov 27, 2000
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Hey, if you Floridians need a bit of an advantage in the attack, I'm sure I could round up a ton of Oregonians that will support your cause. None of us really like Florida, either, but we sure hate California a LOT more. :p

So if you need help with a little attack from the North, just say the word! :)
 

DannyLove

Lifer
Oct 17, 2000
12,876
4
76
i'm not for either state, and I live in Califorcrap. I'm a Seattle guy myself (too bad I havent been there :eek::()

danny~!
 

Ryan

Lifer
Oct 31, 2000
27,519
2
81
Yes, I live in florida (panama city). Plus we have planty of nudity at spring break - so that should distract our opponents! :)
 

Urinal Mint

Platinum Member
Jan 16, 2000
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<< Floriduh is Closer to Texas than California. Advantage California >>



Really RD, did you want to drag me into this? :D
 

Red Dawn

Elite Member
Jun 4, 2001
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<< , I'm sure I could round up a ton of Oregonians that will support your cause. >>

Yeah but you would need to give them 2 weeks notice so they could sober up.
 

orty

Golden Member
Nov 27, 2000
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<< Yeah but you would need to give them 2 weeks notice so they could sober up. >>



Are you joking? We have to get drunk to even consider venturing South across the border -- that's the only way we can stand the place. <hehe>
 

Isla

Elite member
Sep 12, 2000
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Florida has some of the world's best beaches.... I've been to all the Florida beaches on this list and I have to agree with the choices.

Best US Beaches

We also have Ybor City, where my family settled as immigrants 100 years ago. (Soy Asturiana, Gallega, y Cubana)

 

Linflas

Lifer
Jan 30, 2001
15,395
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Red you are likely to hate this but I have to say it anyway: With your obvious love of your home state and the way you leap to its defense you would make a pretty good southerner. I mean this in only the nicest way of course. :p Welcome to the club.
On a serious note it is nice to see that Red truly loves his home and is passionate in defending it against anyone that would put it down. Whatever its faults (no pun intended) California is a gorgeous state and I would like to see more of it someday.
 

Red Dawn

Elite Member
Jun 4, 2001
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<< We have to get drunk to even consider venturing South across the border >>

Hell you guys were drunk when you wandered north of the border the first time. Oregon's there because Californians needed a place to go to retire. I know hell of a lot of people that live up in Oregon and almost every single one of them are ex Californians. Southern Oregon is great. I have friends and family that live in Medford and Grant's Pass and I try to make it up there once a year. In fact I wished that I had moved there instead of this hell hole Merced (107 degrees forcasted today)
 

Red Dawn

Elite Member
Jun 4, 2001
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<< Florida has some of the world's best beaches.... I've been to all the Florida beaches on this list and I have to agree with the choices >>

I've never been to Florida and my post regarding it was just a joke.



<< With your obvious love of your home state and the way you leap to its defense you would make a pretty good southerner >>

Hey I'd like to visit the South one day. I'd also like to visit the Northeast too (especially during the fall Months. I've been to Oklahoma and Texas and I never want to go back there as long as I live. Southern Oregan and the Northern most part of California though is the nicest places I've ever been. I prefer Southern Oregan as the Northern Part of California seems a little to rural for my tastes.
 

orty

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Nov 27, 2000
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Yes, that's why us &quot;Native&quot; Oregonians are bitter -- Californians are taking over our state. Whether to retire, or to just take over our towns, drive up prices, and to destroy our roads with their &quot;oh no! There's a half-inch of snow on the ground, better put on the studded tires!&quot; attitude (though they still drive like f**kin' maniacs in their big ol' SUVs and think four-wheel drive enables them to drive better ... reality: they just slide on 4 wheels).

I love it here -- I know of 5 generations of Native Oregonians in my family, and I've lived in the state for all my life. Tom McCall, Oregon's almost infamous governor in the 70s, had the right idea when he tried to stop migration from the South. Too bad that idea never caught on.

OK, off my soapbox now :)

-orty
 

Isla

Elite member
Sep 12, 2000
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Oh no Red, you are totally right about some things! Jeb Bush is definitely a disadvantage... ;)

All in good fun~
 

Urinal Mint

Platinum Member
Jan 16, 2000
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What's so wrong with Texas, RD?

Maybe I can dispel some of your misconceptions, if in fact that's what they turn out to be.
 

Red Dawn

Elite Member
Jun 4, 2001
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<< love it here -- I know of 5 generations of Native Oregonians in my family, and I've lived in the state for all my life. Tom McCall, Oregon's almost infamous governor in the 70s, had the right idea when he tried to stop migration from the South. Too bad that idea never caught on. >>

That's because you guys wanted indoor plumbing and electricity like the rest of the country.