• We’re currently investigating an issue related to the forum theme and styling that is impacting page layout and visual formatting. The problem has been identified, and we are actively working on a resolution. There is no impact to user data or functionality, this is strictly a front-end display issue. We’ll post an update once the fix has been deployed. Thanks for your patience while we get this sorted.

Final Fantasy XIII Reviews

Jschmuck2

Diamond Member
Final Fantasy XIII is Released, Sucks

Tokyo, Japan – Gamers were stunned today when they discovered that Square-Enix’ latest installment of the Final Fantasy series sucked huge, unforgiving donkey balls.

“I mean – holy shit,” said Tyler Flotes, graphic designer and gamer from Austin, Texas, “That thing really, really fucking sucked. Like, no joke man, that thing sucks Goddamn dinosaur eggs.”

Critics have harangued the new Final Fantasy for focusing too much on graphical “eye candy” and not enough on story, gameplay and not being a masturbatory piece of garbage that doesn’t even let you start playing until four hours into the fucking thing.

“I mean….holy shit,” said Jeff Torres, aspiring actor and gamer from Los Angeles, “Fuck this game in its stupid head. If Square Enix wanted me to feel like they knocked me over and took a dump on my chest, well mission fucking accomplished.”

Adding, “Seriously dude, fuck that game. That game is ramshit.”

Dr. Richard Hellsby, professor of Gender Studies at the University of Pennsylvania and noted RPG enthusiast weighed in on the subject.

“Final Fantasy XII is an interesting case because I can’t recall, at any point in recent history anyway, when Square has released a game that sucks as hard as this game sucks. To wit: never has a Final Fantasy game sucked bigger hippo tits than this one.”

He added, “And as a scholar in the field of Gender Studies, I understand that the Japanese hero archetype is certainly more effeminate than what we’re used to here in the states and I respect that but c’mon.”
 
Last edited:
WTF is this? I would guess you're quoting something but you don't provide a link so I have to assume you wrote it yourself, in which case, how's being a freshman in high school treating ya?

Lastly, is it about Final Fantasy XII or XIII?
 
Sounds like a really bad attempt at being a funny news story a la The Onion.

And let me tell ya... this attempt sucked huge, unforgiving donkey balls. I mean I've seen shitty fucking posts before, but holy shit-on-a-shingle does this one take it right up the pooper.
 
Yeah, it does reek of fail.

Good to know he's at least taking a crack at new release games. Not like the game is 4 months old or anything...
 
You guys hurt my internet feelings.

Then again, for a Rockies fan, I wouldn't expect anything less 😉
 
Back
Top