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Favorite Simpsons Quotes

Mr. burns: so do u have a way to get rid of the protesters?
Grandpa: One way to get rid of them is to tell 'em stories that dont go anywhere. Like the time we went over to shelbyville during the war, I wore an onion on my belt....which was the style at the time...you couldnt get those white ones, you could only get those big yellow ones.................now where was I........oh yeah, the important thing was I was wearing an onion on my nelt, which was the style at the time, you couldnt get those... (trails off)
 
"I could blow smoke in the president's stupid monkey face, and he would just have to sit there groovin' on it"

edit: for misspelling of president 😱
re-edit: for the coincidence that quizzelsnatch posted a quote from the same episode 😀
 
"The fingers you have used to dial are too fat. To obtain a special dialing wand,
please mash the keypad with your palm now."
 
there was an amusing one in this sunday's ep

Chinese adoption lady: "So Lisa, are you looking forward to being surpassed academically by your new chinese baby sister?"
Lisa: "Well, I don't mean to brag, but I am considered pretty smart"
Chinese adoption lady: "Yeah? Well, Tibet was considered pretty independent"
 
Bart:Take 'em away boys.
Wiggum:Hey, I'm the Chief here. Bake 'em away toys.
Lou:What did you say Chief?
Wiggum:Just do what the kid said.
 
theres better ones i'm sure but this one comes to mind...

from "A Tale of Two Springfields"...from the "phoney McRingring" film

Phoney: "Scientists say even a monkey can remember 10 numbers. You're not stupider than a monkey are you?"
Chief Wiggum: "Well, how big of a monkey?"
Phoney: "Of course you're not!"

edit, this one's good too...

a news story reported by kent brockman...
brockman: "The world's first two story outhouse."
*two guys go in the outhouses*...
"Oh, God, stop!"

and more classic quotes from brockman...

Kent Brockman "Professor, without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it's time for our viewers to crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside?" Professor "Yes I would, Kent."

"Ladies and gentlemen, uh, we've just lost the picture, but what we've seen speaks for itself. The Corvair spacecraft has apparently been taken over- 'conquered' if you will- by a master race of giant space ants. It's difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive Earthman or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain: there is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here. And I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves."
 
Lois: Peter, why would they make you presidesnt?
Peter: Maybe it's because I can recite all 50 states in a quarter of a second - NYAH!
Lois: Peter, that was just a loud yelping noise.
 
"Resist the temptation to read or talk to loved ones. Do not attempt sexual relations
as years of TV radiation have left your genitals withered and useless"
 
peter: i feel bad... i told lois i wouldnt drink tonight...

friends: ahh dont feel bad.

peter: hey i never thought of it like that. (chugs a beer)
 
Originally posted by: jjzelinski
Peter: Oh dont worry I read about this in a book.

Brian: are you sure it was a book? are you sure it wasnt nothing?!
Click to expand...
Can't you read the thread topic?

why are you posting family guy quotes?
 
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