Euphemisms

[Chryso]

Shaking hands with the bishop

 

[daveshel]

Can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. (thinking of Hillary)

 

[funkymatt]

chaffing the carrot
bopping the bishop
taking the browns to the superbowl
dropping off the cosby's at the pool


some other ones that I can't think of right now..

 

[hanoverphist]

a screwdriver short of a tool set (my grampas fave)
a few sammiches shy of a picnic (one of my fave)


theres probably more that im not remembering too. i like to mix mine also, like saying "hes a few sammiches short of the top floor" (mix of the elevator doesnt go all the way to the top floor, does it?" and the picnic one)

 

[rivan]

I've always liked the endless variants of "not the [blank]est [blank] in the [black]"

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Not the brightest bulb in the pack.

Of course, those and the tool in the shed one are the only ones I can think of...

 

[GasX]

I could list euphemisms all day. Here are some good ones:

special needs child
family jewels
sunshine units
balloon knot
shuffled off this mortal coil
gone pear shaped
wet work
downsizing
pre-owned
twig and berries

 

[palswim]

Originally posted by: hanoverphist
a screwdriver short of a tool set (my grampas fave)
a few sammiches shy of a picnic (one of my fave)


theres probably more that im not remembering too. i like to mix mine also, like saying "hes a few sammiches short of the top floor" (mix of the elevator doesnt go all the way to the top floor, does it?" and the picnic one)

Yes!

"Does the Pope crap in the woods?"

 

[GasX]

Originally posted by: palswim

Originally posted by: hanoverphist
a screwdriver short of a tool set (my grampas fave)
a few sammiches shy of a picnic (one of my fave)


theres probably more that im not remembering too. i like to mix mine also, like saying "hes a few sammiches short of the top floor" (mix of the elevator doesnt go all the way to the top floor, does it?" and the picnic one)

Yes!

"Does the Pope crap in the woods?"

I am a big fan of the mixed metaphor euphemism myself. After all, it's not rocket surgery, you know...

 

[judasmachine]

I'm firing the surgeon general
I'm patting the robertson

 

[kranky]

Originally posted by: Mwilding

Originally posted by: palswim

Originally posted by: hanoverphist
a screwdriver short of a tool set (my grampas fave)
a few sammiches shy of a picnic (one of my fave)


theres probably more that im not remembering too. i like to mix mine also, like saying "hes a few sammiches short of the top floor" (mix of the elevator doesnt go all the way to the top floor, does it?" and the picnic one)

Yes!

"Does the Pope crap in the woods?"

I am a big fan of the mixed metaphor euphemism myself. After all, it's not rocket surgery, you know...

You buttered your bread, now you have to lie in it.

 

[Engraver]

"Bless his/her heart" = "That dumb bastard" in the south.

 

[Atomic Playboy]

I've always liked "kick the bucket." It's a lovely phrase, it means to die. But where does it come from? It sounds hillbillyish, since city folk don't often have much use for a bucket. But I've never heard of a fatal bucket kick. Maybe when you're milking a cow, if she kicks the bucket, tere goes all the milk... but then again, you wouldn't kill the cow for that, would you? Maybe you would. "Dammit Bessie, you done kicked the bucket now!" I don't honestly know anything about farming, so I guess it could work.

George Carlin does an absolutely brilliant bit about euphamisms in one of his standup routines (Doin' it Again, maybe?). "Thanks to our fear of death in this country, I won't have to die...I'll pass away. Or I'll expire like a magazine subscription. If it happens in the hospital, they'll call it a terminal episode. The insurance company will refer to it as negative patient-care outcome. And if it's the result of malpractice, they'll say it was a therapeutic misadventure. I'm telling you, some of this language makes me want to vomit. Well, maybe not vomit. Makes me want to engage in an involuntary personal protein spill."

 

[maxster]

Size doesn't matter.

 

[Capt Caveman]

"I am I cried. I am said I."

 

[lizardth]

Working harder than a cat trying to bury a pile of sh*t on a marble floor.

 

[MaxDepth]

I am as happy as a hog in high grass!

 

[HN]

*golf clap*

 

[jmdeathsquad]

light in the loafers

 

[legoman666]

two fries short of a happy meal.

 

[ParStyles]

Busier than a 1 legged man and a butt kicking contest.

 

[BoomerD]

Originally posted by: ParStyles
Busier than a 1 legged man and a butt kicking contest.

One of my favorites...as with:
Busier than a one-armed paper hanger.

Let's not forget:

Happier than a pig in shit
Uglier than 10 miles of bad road
Dumber than a box of rocks (or bag-o-rox)

 

[ManyBeers]

Hey!! Where are the stinking rating stars fellows. I'll grudgingly accept 3. But as a warning to all concerned let's not make it a habit to fail to rate ManyBeers' threads very highly. Thanks.

 

[jjones]

making knucklebabies

 

[Exterous]

a couple dicks short of being a whore
52 cards short of a deck (of cards)

 

[Rustler]

He's dummer than a bag of hammers.