Does this make me a bad person?

[Skipholiday]

Ditto.. this should be a no_brainer..

Originally posted by: Perknose

Originally posted by: Josh123

Originally posted by: cjchaps
How old are you and your brother?

I'm 23 and he is 28.

Then, YES, you are acting like a bad person... sad and weak.

For your own sake, in so many ways, man up and go say goodbye in person.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: Josh123

Originally posted by: cjchaps
How old are you and your brother?

I'm 23 and he is 28.

Consider this a sign it's time you grew up. You do realize you being 'there' is good for not only your grandmother, but others around her.

Hopefully on your deathbed at least someone thinks to stop by once in a while.

 

[Vonkhan]

I'd give up anything to see my grandma one last time

 

[Bryophyte]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
And what about your mother? You "comfortable" leaving her there to help her own mother die with no support from you or your 28 yr old brother?

Yep. When my grandma died a few years ago, she had been in a nursing home for a few months and we'd been seeing her very often. We'd been gone just a few hours when we got a call that she'd died, so I took my mom to say goodbye to her before they took her from her room. I'm glad I was there for my mom, that's the only time I can ever remember her just completely breaking down. Seeing my grandma lying there wasn't nearly as scary as I expected, just really sad.

 

[Mxylplyx]

Originally posted by: Josh123

Originally posted by: cjchaps
How old are you and your brother?

I'm 23 and he is 28.

Get your sorry ass over there. Death is something you are going to have to face sooner or later, so this is a good place to start. If seeing you would bring one ounce of joy into her life, you have an obligation to go.

edit: Just saw the update. Good choice op.

 

[MrsPickins]

Originally posted by: kamper
My oma died after about a 10 year decline through alzheimers. Every time I saw her and she was a little more confused than the last time, it made enough of an impression on me that I can no longer picture her with regular mental capacity. I sometimes wonder, if I hadn't seen her at all for the last few years, if I would be able to remember who she really was.

That said, even when she got to the point where she didn't know her own husband and could barely chew her own food, we could still make her laugh and it sounded just like it always had before. Visits of any sort were the only thing that remotely seemed to ease her pain so I couldn't not have gone and kept a clear conscience. I can understand how it's hard though.

This is what I'm afraid of. My father died suddenly of a heart attack when I was 16, and it took years before I could think of him at all without immediately seeing him in the hospital bed with a tube stuck down his throat. My mother died suddenly when I was 22, but I didn't see her until the funeral, so I don't have those bad mental images like I do with my dad.

I've seen my grandmother (98 years old) in the nursing home once in the last year, and it was torture. She didn't know who I was and asked me the same 4 questions over and over until I left: where do you live? are you married? how are your parents? do you have children? I only stayed 20 minutes.

I want to remember her playing dress up and post office with me and making me fried chicken, instead of the skeletal figure in the housecoat I saw last February.

(Although this doesn't excuse my selfishness, I do have an aunt, uncle, and many cousins who visit her regularly.)

 

[BHeemsoth]

Four years ago my grandfather was diagnosed with aggressive lung cancer, which killed him within six weeks. During the last week I made the trip to go see him one day (5 hours each way), he died a couple of days later.

Seeing him in the hospice in that condition was tough, but it was nice to be able to say my final goodbye. Go out there and see her.

 

[FoBoT]

i had a similar scenario when my paternal grandmother finally passed. she was bed ridden and inconherent for about 1-2 years before she passed

the last time i visited home before she passed, they had her in a facility/home temporarily and i didn't go see her. i coudn't bear seeing her like that, i wanted to remember her the way she was when i was a kid, energetic and baking us cookies, etc etc etc

 

[Josh123]

Updates

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: Josh123
My mom and aunt are an hour and a half away staying with my grandma who is dying with alzheimer's. Everyone is saying good-bye to her but my older brother and I don't want to go see her. My mom just called and I tried to say good-bye to her through the phone. They said I must have said something good because she acted like she understood. I just feel bad because I don't think I would be comfortable seeing her.

Update:

I just got back about an hour ago. It was the first time I had seen her in 4 years. I was kind of shocked when I first walked in but it felt good to sit and talk to her. It really meant a lot to my mom and aunt though.

Update 2:

I just got a phone call from my mom and she said my grandma just passed away . Last night my brother called and said he was heading that way to see her so I think she was waiting to say bye to him and I'm really glad he went. I ended up texting my mom and aunt earlier before I found out telling them that I love them both. My mom said it was the best thing I could do at that time and said they really needed it.

:thumbsup: for you and your brother manning up

and

for your loss. RIP Grandma. My Grandma likely has a good card game going on up there. I'm sure she'll let her in.

 

[OutHouse]

i know it was hard and somethings we have to do in life are difficult and uncomfortable. last jan a very good friend of mine dad had a massive heart attack and was brain dead but on life support. my friend asked me to be there with him when they unhooked his dad. I sure as hell did not want to watch a old family friend die but i did and it helped my friend out a lot that i was there for him.

 

[xeno2060]

Sorry for your loss. My mother and grandmother passed away at the first of the year.