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Does this make me a bad person?

Josh123

Josh123

Diamond Member
My mom and aunt are an hour and a half away staying with my grandma who is dying with alzheimer's. Everyone is saying good-bye to her but my older brother and I don't want to go see her. My mom just called and I tried to say good-bye to her through the phone. They said I must have said something good because she acted like she understood. I just feel bad because I don't think I would be comfortable seeing her.

Update:

I just got back about an hour ago. It was the first time I had seen her in 4 years. I was kind of shocked when I first walked in but it felt good to sit and talk to her. It really meant a lot to my mom and aunt though.

Update 2:

I just got a phone call from my mom and she said my grandma just passed away 🙁. Last night my brother called and said he was heading that way to see her so I think she was waiting to say bye to him and I'm really glad he went. I ended up texting my mom and aunt earlier before I found out telling them that I love them both. My mom said it was the best thing I could do at that time and said they really needed it.
 
I understand why you're uncomfortable, but you might want to reconsider. A small amount of time now would make a lot of difference to your family. Not to mention doing something like this even though you don't really want to can be good for character development. Also, if you don't you might suffer from guilt in the future. Sorry about your grandma, my mom is in the later stages of Alzheimers so I know what you're going through.
 
That makes me sad 🙁 Who gives a hoot whether or not you are comfortable ... try to think outside yourself, and think how much it might mean to your grandmother AND those around her 🙁
 
Man up and go. If you go you'll be uncomfortable for an hour or two, if you don't go you could regret it and that could cause more than an hour or two of uncomfort!
 
Originally posted by: Josh123
Originally posted by: cjchaps
How old are you and your brother?
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I'm 23 and he is 28.
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Then, YES, you are acting like a bad person... sad and weak.

For your own sake, in so many ways, man up and go say goodbye in person.

 
Originally posted by: Patt
That makes me sad 🙁 Who gives a hoot whether or not you are comfortable ... try to think outside yourself, and think how much it might mean to your grandmother AND those around her 🙁
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I know, I think I'm going to head that way right after work.
 
Originally posted by: Josh123
Originally posted by: cjchaps
How old are you and your brother?
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I'm 23 and he is 28.
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Uhh... you should at least go and stop by for the support of your mom. It's weird when people have alzhiemers. My dad's mom had it and she was like "I don't know who you are but they tell my I am your grandmother" the last time I talked to her. It's sad but good to know you talked to them at least...
 
Originally posted by: Josh123
Originally posted by: Patt
That makes me sad 🙁 Who gives a hoot whether or not you are comfortable ... try to think outside yourself, and think how much it might mean to your grandmother AND those around her 🙁
Click to expand...

I know, I think I'm going to head that way right after work.
Click to expand...

Good that your doing the right thing now :thumbsup:
 
Originally posted by: Josh123
Originally posted by: Patt
That makes me sad 🙁 Who gives a hoot whether or not you are comfortable ... try to think outside yourself, and think how much it might mean to your grandmother AND those around her 🙁
Click to expand...

I know, I think I'm going to head that way right after work.
Click to expand...

Glad to hear it ...
 
My grandfather passed when I was 17 or so (I'm 30 now). I didn't go and see him at the hospital, but looking back I wish I would have gone and been there with him and the rest of my family.
 
Originally posted by: SlowSpyder
My grandfather passed when I was 17 or so (I'm 30 now). I didn't go and see him at the hospital, but looking back I wish I would have gone and been there with him and the rest of my family.
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When I was 19, my grandfather was in the hospital, but, I was told, not for anything serious. I was in town for the weekend for my sister's law school graduation and took the time to go visit him, just to say "Hi." (even though I could think of 100 other things I wanted to do with my time).

He died a week later.

I never regret taking the time to go see him (even though, at the time, I did not know it would be for the last time). If I hadn't gone, I would have regretted it for the rest of my life.

MotionMan
 
I didn't even have a chance to say goodbye to my grandpa who got smacked by a bus when the lady driving it ran the red light. 2 others died w/ him.


Glad to hear you're going. Try your best to get your bro to go. Your mom will appreciate this greatly. Rarely can you say goodbye to someone you know.
 
I was 19 when I stood over my mother as she took her last breaths. It was hard saying goodbye, but it was something I knew I should do. If I hadn't, all I'd be left with was a missed opportunity, the regret of not taking that one last chance to see someone I loved before they passed.

My grandmother was hospitalized two weeks ago, right before my aunt and other mother were scheduled to visit. They went down, and I looked into getting a plane ticket, but couldn't until the following weekend, due to work and cost. I was hoping for one last chance at seeing my grandmother alive; unfortunately, that plane ticket ended up taking me to her memorial service. I wish I had just taken a day or two off work when I first heard, spent the extra dough on an immediate flight and had one last chance to see her. Now I'll never see her again.

Some missed opportunities can be revisited. A life cannot. Go see your grandmother. It will be good for you, for her, and most importantly for your family.
 
My grandmother passed away last year, and I sat with her for the last three hours of her life. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I would do it again.
 
Originally posted by: Josh123
Originally posted by: Inspector Jihad
also tell your brother to stop being a bitch and go with you.
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I would but I know it won't do any good 🙁.
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Forward him this thread, and tell him the whole internet thinks he's being a little bitch.
 
When I was younger, in my first year of college, my grandmother's Parkinson's began a rapid decline and she spent a couple months in a nursing home before she passed away. I wasn't comfortable and never stopped in to see her.

I still regret that very foolish and selfish decision. It's the only thing in my life that I would change if I could.

Visit her.

ZV
 
My grandmother passed away a few months ago after having a major stroke. She was 91... I did not go visit her since she was for the most part unconscious and on a morphine drip (they chose to remove feeding tube and water).

I just choose to remember her as she was, as I know that she lived a good life.
 
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