Thanks for the thoughts. I was really just venting as I have been feeling extra moody this year (to the point I might be heading to a doctor - I feel like I'm emotionally on edge all the time lately) and I won't dump this stuff on my wife out of respect for her.
You pretty much hit the nail on the head when you said that #6 is the root cause of my dislike for the season. My parents were decent folks, but my mother and father have/had a lot of issues and they all seemed to manifest themselves at holidays. Over the years I have come to learn that my mother was pretty much emotionally abused by my grandfather her whole childhood. He basically destroyed her self confidence- to the point that her only reaction to anyone doing anything except what she said was to either cry or scream at the top of her lungs. That turned all holidays into "do what mom wants days," so everyone in our house tip toed on eggshells on all major holidays so as to try not to upset my mom. My dad wasn't any help with this. Long before I was born he decided that he didn't want to fight with my mom, and his reaction to her temper tantrums was to leave the house. And let me tell you, its awesome when your mom gets pissed at 7AM Xmas morning and your dad leaves the house and doesn't come home until dinner. Then dinner comes, someone starts to complain about some little thing, and mom is off to the bedroom crying. Not to mention it was "fun" to watch my divorced grandparents (who only ever got together at Christmas) sit at opposite ends of the table giving each other the evil eye. etc. Wash rinse repeat for 20 odd years.
Then shortly after xmas when I am 23 my dad tells me the he and my mother are getting divorced and he is moving back to eastern Europe. His rationale? My brother and I are grown up now and "don't need him," and his income wasn't enough to let him live the way he wanted in the U.S. After he left, only my brother, my mother, and my aunt were remaining in the U.S. My mom comes up to visit a couple times a year to see the grandkids, but its clear that we are second fiddle to her church schedule. She doesn't even call me on my birthday or our anniversary (I'm starting to wonder if she knows on which date either event is). I only hear from my brother when he needs something (maybe once or twice a year). I speak to my dad somewhat often, but its getting hard because he is seemingly going out of his way to make every effort to hurt my brother and I, though I suspect he doesn't realize it. So yeah - my "family" is pretty much completely dysfunctional.
To the contrary, my wife's family is about as close as a family can get. There are a couple of iffy people, but its clear that everyone in her family loves each other and would do anything for one another. As a result, the holiday season for them is filled with happy events spent together, laughing, etc. I really wish I could get into that spirit and just feed off of it . . . and for a time I could. But as I have gotten older my reaction to those events has become increasingly dark. To the point that I want almost nothing to do with them. All those events do is remind me of how my experiences growing up were not that way, and how my own family is opposite to my wife's family. I know the way I feel is rooted in selfishness and I should be able to just get over it. But (frustratingly) I just can't seem to move past it. Now I am just trying to insulate my kids from my own feelings so that they don't grow up to feel the same way. I'd rather they think I was happy and grow up normal, than know I am not happy and feel like it was somehow their fault or their responsibility to fix it.
Anyway - sorry to drone on and on. I'm not looking for sympathy or even empathy. I just need some kind of outlet so that I don't lay all this crap down on my family and ruin their experiences.