• We’re currently investigating an issue related to the forum theme and styling that is impacting page layout and visual formatting. The problem has been identified, and we are actively working on a resolution. There is no impact to user data or functionality, this is strictly a front-end display issue. We’ll post an update once the fix has been deployed. Thanks for your patience while we get this sorted.

Do we really need the Red States?

I know this is really old and rather smug, but as small-town USA crumbles (with factories being closed down left and right), and the homophobia and fear mongering that I see generated from Southern and mid-western states, I really do wonder - do the Blue States need the Red States?

Dear Red States...

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We
believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially
to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot
Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You
get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states
pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have
kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no
purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their
children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and
hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our
resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent
of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple
and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of
America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)
90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most
of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and
condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,
Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care
costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the
tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern
Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh,
Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred
unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say
that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved
in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people
with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt
weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States
Click to expand...
 
Nope, I think our country needs more jobs where we sell air: like insurance, software, interest, and derivatives. That is a grounded, self-sufficient economy. And mmm doesn't derivatives pie taste so good? Just like mom used to make.
 
Originally posted by: yllus
Not if you don't want half your country's natural resources anymore?
Click to expand...

No, you didn't read the post. All the blue states have all the resources because someone said they did! That have like 93.2908% of all resources, it has been proven in a mass email!

BTW, Timewarp FTW!
 
Originally posted by: yllus
Not if you don't want half your country's natural resources anymore?
Click to expand...

mostly in the blue states, except for oil

but guess what, we would have most of the border with canada (they have oil) plus its traded globally anyways.
 
Originally posted by: nakedfrog
Wow, is that ever a stupid email forward. Partisan hackery FTL.
Click to expand...

It's only partisan hackery if the libs are talking right? If it's the retardicans it's just fact right?
 
Originally posted by: Cogman
Originally posted by: yllus
Not if you don't want half your country's natural resources anymore?
Click to expand...

No, you didn't read the post. All the blue states have all the resources because someone said they did! That have like 93.2908% of all resources, it has been proven in a mass email!

BTW, Timewarp FTW!
Click to expand...

actually that is pretty close to true, the deep south is fairly resource poor, and the rest of it is grain land.

iirc, most of the top ag producing states are 'blue', i think texas would have been the only dissenter in 2008. the 'farm states' ie ND, sd, nebraska kansas, montana don't actually produce a huge amount of food.

the plains states have reasonable about amounts of coal/oil, and thats about it.
 
Originally posted by: NFS4
Who else are we gonna get to fight our wars?


**Ducks**
Click to expand...

I actually think you're completely right - us Blue staters are cowards in that regard, and someone does indeed need to fight our wars...
 
I got an email from the blue states recently asking for my help in moving 10 million dollars out of the the red states. Do you think it was a good idea to help by giving him my banking info?
 
I think the blue states are missing the important part. We in the red states get GUNS, so we will take what we want from the unarmed blue states.
 
This is by far one of the dumbest things I've ever read and it makes sense coming from a dumbocrat. I don't even care who is on which side but I typically see this caliber of nonsense from you idiots in "Blue States". Probably why Apple targets your children.

See...other people can troll too.
 
Originally posted by: sourceninja
I think the blue states are missing the important part. We in the red states get GUNS, so we will take what we want from the unarmed blue states.
Click to expand...

Their only tool is violence and intimidation then, right?

We'll just use our mass of wealth to hire Ninjas!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

TRENDING THREADS

Back
Top