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I'd say it is pretty decent. I am assuming you have altered your resume to better fit their Job description. As well as altering the 2nd paragraph of your coverletter to do the same? If so, I think you are good to go.
 
Originally posted by: dbk
talk about a specific project/assignment you did at the consulting firm
Click to expand...

but it is almost non relevant to this financial firm.. that's the issue
I'm trying to switch industries completely to what I'm more interested in
I'll add in more detail to the second paragraph
 
Tell them you can't hook up with a girl to save your life so you'll have plenty of time to dedicate to projects.
 
Originally posted by: skim milk
Originally posted by: dbk
talk about a specific project/assignment you did at the consulting firm
Click to expand...

but it is almost non relevant to this financial firm.. that's the issue
I'm trying to switch industries completely to what I'm more interested in
I'll add in more detail to the second paragraph
Click to expand...

then maybe highlight a school project/assignment/research?
 
"over one year" sounds desperate. If it was about a year, say "one year". If it was a year and a half, say that.

I agree with what dbk is trying to tell you. Paragraphy #3 (the one with only 2 sentences) is weak. Throw in one sentence about each of the two companies, and point out how you increased, improved, accelerated, brought something to the table while you were there. Your resume then needs to support that story. It might not be absolutely relevant to the position to which you're applying, but it shows that you're going to bring it. You're the MAN. They NEED you.

Describing the internships as "very analytical" and claiming that you were "successful" is very general and doesn't say anything at all. Give some sort of examples to back up your claim.


Also, is this you blindly sending a company a letter/resume? Do you know anyone? Is there some way you can claim connection to this company? It's always best to start out with, "I was discussing my career path with Professor XXXXX, and he suggested that I apply to ya'll," or something that connects you to them.


Also, if you do manage to rope an interview, try to remember that it's inappropriate to refer to women as "girls". They're "chicks", "hoes" or "bitches", and it wouldn't be inappropriate to discuss your sexual fantasies and potentially homoerotic dreams with the HR manager, future boss, and future co-workers.

If you have stories about your cat or pictures of your cat, you should share those too.


Good luck!
 
Go easy on the adjectives.

This letter is to express my interest in the open position in the XXX Finance Group of *Company name*. I am a recent graduate with over one year of work experience at a *omitted for privacy* consulting firm.

As my enclosed resume shows, my background includes highly quantitative coursework and internship experiences in financial services, which shows my strong desire to work and build a career in this industry. Through my work experience at a consulting firm, I?ve been able to sharpen necessary skills in time management and teamwork to work effectively. My roles have included assisting with proposal work and creating team presentation material to serve public clients.

More relevant to the open position in the XXX Finance Group, I have completed internships at *Company 1* and *Company 2*. These internships were very analytical in nature and I have been successful at both, culminating in full-time offers.

I am enthusiastic to learn more about this open position at XXXXX. I am seeking to build a long-term career in financial services and would like to speak with you in further detail. Thank you for your consideration and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,
Click to expand...

You should get rid of some of the bolded words. The letter shouldn't be devoid of adjectives, but overuse tends to set off bullshit alarms. Your letter is no where near the worst I've seen in this regard, but just something to keep in mind.
 
Originally posted by: skim milk
September 5, 2009

Mr. XXX
Street
Suite
City, State

Dear Mr. Anand,

This letter is to express my interest in the open position in the XXX Finance Group of *Company name*. I am a recent graduate with over one year of work experience at a *omitted for privacy* consulting firm.

As my enclosed resume shows, my background includes highly quantitative coursework and internship experiences in financial services, which shows my strong desire to work and build a career in this industry. Through my work experience at a consulting firm, I?ve been able to sharpen necessary skills in time management and teamwork to work effectively. My roles have included assisting with proposal work and creating team presentation material to serve public clients.

More relevant to the open position in the XXX Finance Group, I have completed internships at *Company 1* and *Company 2*. These internships were very analytical in nature and I have been successful at both, culminating in full-time offers.

I am enthusiastic to learn more about this open position at XXXXX. I am seeking to build a long-term career in financial services and would like to speak with you in further detail. Thank you for your consideration and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,
Click to expand...



Dear Mr. Anand,

I wish to express my interest in the open position in the XXX Finance Group of *Company name*. I am a recent graduate in ______ with over one year of work experience at a *omitted for privacy* consulting firm.

My work at (inset name) developed my time management and teamwork skills, complementing the strong technical background I gained at univeristy. I have also gained front-office exposure through preparing team presentations for public clients and assisting with proposal work and believe I have the composure and maturity for client-facing roles.

I displayed these skills in my internships at xxx and yyy. My work was appreciated by my former employers, and I have been offered full-time offers. I am enthusiastic to learn more about xxx because I believe this opporunity provide a strong foundation for a successful career in client services.

Please find my resume attached. I look forward to discussing this opporuntity with you in the near future.

SIncelerly yours,

FRITO LAYS




thats all i could do with what u gave us, try and provide examples of your work and flesh out your skills. prrof read to remove pointless words/sentences.

hope it helps
 
Originally posted by: Barack Obama
Originally posted by: skim milk
September 5, 2009

Mr. XXX
Street
Suite
City, State

Dear Mr. Anand,

This letter is to express my interest in the open position in the XXX Finance Group of *Company name*. I am a recent graduate with over one year of work experience at a *omitted for privacy* consulting firm.

As my enclosed resume shows, my background includes highly quantitative coursework and internship experiences in financial services, which shows my strong desire to work and build a career in this industry. Through my work experience at a consulting firm, I?ve been able to sharpen necessary skills in time management and teamwork to work effectively. My roles have included assisting with proposal work and creating team presentation material to serve public clients.

More relevant to the open position in the XXX Finance Group, I have completed internships at *Company 1* and *Company 2*. These internships were very analytical in nature and I have been successful at both, culminating in full-time offers.

I am enthusiastic to learn more about this open position at XXXXX. I am seeking to build a long-term career in financial services and would like to speak with you in further detail. Thank you for your consideration and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,
Click to expand...



Dear Mr. Anand,

I wish to express my interest in the open position in the XXX Finance Group of *Company name*. I am a recent graduate in ______ with over one year of work experience at a *omitted for privacy* consulting firm.

My work at (inset name) developed my time management and teamwork skills, complementing the strong technical background I gained at univeristy. I have also gained front-office exposure through preparing team presentations for public clients and assisting with proposal work and believe I have the composure and maturity for client-facing roles.

I displayed these skills in my internships at xxx and yyy. My work was appreciated by my former employers, and I have been offered full-time offers. I am enthusiastic to learn more about xxx because I believe this opporunity provide a strong foundation for a successful career in client services.

Please find my resume attached. I look forward to discussing this opporuntity with you in the near future.

SIncelerly yours,

FRITO LAYS




thats all i could do with what u gave us, try and provide examples of your work and flesh out your skills. prrof read to remove pointless words/sentences.

hope it helps
Click to expand...

I don't know, does yours make the letter better? I'm not sure. It sounds like my version flowed better
 
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