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Don't use the word utilize. It is wrong in this sentence and should be use instead.

Also, there is nothing very attractive about any of this letter to me. It all just seems like fluff. I'm not sure how to make it better but it didn't grab my attention.
 
Keep GodlessAstronomer's advice about the adjectives in mind as you're adding new text to this letter.

"advanced Excel skills" made me chuckle. I'm an engineer/researcher type, and maybe it's different for finance people. I do realize that Excel is more powerful than the world and 99% of the people who use it don't know 99% of what it can do (me included maybe). Even so, "advanced Excel skills" sounds a little pathetic. I'd go with something like, "at *Company 1*, I analyzed trends and anomalies in financial research from member firms," or, "I wrote code/software/macros/whatever to analyze..."

I don't know about that word "spearheaded"... it's got me thinking about mounting an attack through the desert or something. Tone it down. Maybe "oversaw," "supervised," "was responsible for," or "led a team" or something like that.

Nix the word "significantly" in that sentence. If you want to show them "significant," then tell them quantitatively how much you improved the process. 3%? 25%? 10,000%???!! If you can't quantify it, then just don't say "significantly".
 
Also, I wouldn't not hire you just because SandEagle says you're a douche, but I would want to know why he's saying that you're a douche. You should be prepared to answer that during the interview... unless you can't help but be a douche, and in that case I'd be able to see it for myself during the interview.


Good luck!
 
agreed with the adjectives. You do not need them, what you say during the interview will allow them to access how "advanced" your skills really are. If you have some work experience that is similar to their job description, give a quick summary of that experience.
 
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