Dear work...

[s0me0nesmind1]

Quit sending me fucking stupid emails explaining how proud you are of us and to reflect on how hard we worked for xyz holiday (e.g. labor day) and how we should take time to disconnect. You're so proud of us for working so hard and achieving great results...

I don't want to read your cheesy email. Unless it is a notification that you are giving us a bonus or additional time off then shove it. Even the fact that I have to roll my eyes and tap the delete key 2 sentences in annoys me. Money talks, bullshit walks.

/Rant

 

[BoomerD]

Quit sending me fucking stupid emails explaining how proud you are of us and to reflect on how hard we worked for xyz holiday (e.g. labor day) and how we should take time to disconnect. You're so proud of us for working so hard and achieving great results...

I don't want to read your cheesy email. Unless it is a notification that you are giving us a bonus or additional time off then shove it. Even the fact that I have to roll my eyes and tap the delete key 2 sentences in annoys me. Money talks, bullshit walks.

/Rant

Send that as :Reply All.

 

[gorcorps]

They're appealing to research that shows many people feel more motivated when their efforts are noted and appreciated publicly. Some people think it's cheesy and bullshit, some people seem to actually feel better seeing it. I thought they were stupid at first, but if others get something out of it then I guess they're good for something.

 

[boomerang]

That's a fine display of desk dominance.

 

[highland145]

They're appealing to research that shows many people feel more motivated when their efforts are noted and appreciated publicly. Some people think it's cheesy and bullshit, some people seem to actually feel better seeing it. I thought they were stupid at first, but if others get something out of it then I guess they're good for something.

This, sadly. A while back, I was talking to another business owner and his sales person complained that he didn't compliment her enough. She is paid well for her job. I told him to cut her pay and send her flowers.

 

[s0me0nesmind1]

They're appealing to research that shows many people feel more motivated when their efforts are noted and appreciated publicly. Some people think it's cheesy and bullshit, some people seem to actually feel better seeing it. I thought they were stupid at first, but if others get something out of it then I guess they're good for something.

I mean, I can understand when it's your direct boss gives a compliment. Hell, if my boss did send me complimenting emails I make sure to save them to potentially use as ammo when it comes to promotion time.

But those long stupid unspecific company wide ones? If that makes you feel good as if you are personally appreciated then you're simply a fucking moron.

 

[JoeBleed]

Send that as :Reply All.

be mindful of the reply all e-mail storm that will follow.

 

[s0me0nesmind1]

be mindful of the reply all e-mail storm that will follow.

I think large companies on a randomized annual basis for the purpose of reducing headcount they should send out a mass email and for every moron that does a Reply All with things like "I'm not sure what this is about but please remove me from the email chain" should get an immediate termination letter - because they are simply too stupid to even be using a computer.

 

[BarkingGhostar]

Quit sending me fucking stupid emails explaining how proud you are of us and to reflect on how hard we worked for xyz holiday (e.g. labor day) and how we should take time to disconnect. You're so proud of us for working so hard and achieving great results...

I don't want to read your cheesy email. Unless it is a notification that you are giving us a bonus or additional time off then shove it. Even the fact that I have to roll my eyes and tap the delete key 2 sentences in annoys me. Money talks, bullshit walks.

/Rant

I can one-up on that ...

Yesterday, dipshit has a conference call with A LOT of folks on the call. On one hand they fearless leader calls into question the recent surplus that is apparently cutting into the core skills of the company, but then on the other hand state that this will continue 'as the needs of the business' demands it, which BTW means as long as the company stock continues to decline so will the workforce. End result: Those being surplussed are the root cause of the stock's failing price and we will continue to throw the core skills to the wolves (ahem, the competition) because the fearless leaders take no responsibility for their decisions.

 

[Midwayman]

Reminds me of our office lately. They used to buy nice lunches for the whole company once in awhile and then they started things like bringing in trays of cold cuts for people to make their own sandwich. I means its still free food and all, but being really cheap with something that is supposed to be motivations sends the opposite message I think. It would be like cutting someone a bonus check for like $2.57. Don't spend it all in one place!

 

[JoeBleed]

I think large companies on a randomized annual basis for the purpose of reducing headcount they should send out a mass email and for every moron that does a Reply All with things like "I'm not sure what this is about but please remove me from the email chain" should get an immediate termination letter - because they are simply too stupid to even be using a computer.

If only. i think we would have lost 1/4 of the employees that work for my corporation some years ago. adding restrictions to large distribution lists i think ended up helping. but someone on the support team actually replied all asking for people to stop replying. I think we all know how well that worked. our e-mail servers were nearly crippled for a day.

 

[purbeast0]

"Thanks for working for free over the holiday weekend you dumbasses!"

There, translated for you.

 

[pete6032]

x

 

[IndyColtsFan]

Quit sending me fucking stupid emails explaining how proud you are of us and to reflect on how hard we worked for xyz holiday (e.g. labor day) and how we should take time to disconnect. You're so proud of us for working so hard and achieving great results...

I don't want to read your cheesy email. Unless it is a notification that you are giving us a bonus or additional time off then shove it. Even the fact that I have to roll my eyes and tap the delete key 2 sentences in annoys me. Money talks, bullshit walks.

/Rant

Sounds like you work at my company. They think extra “Jeans Days” are a huge reward here. I refuse to wear jeans on those days out of principle.

 

[IndyColtsFan]

Reminds me of our office lately. They used to buy nice lunches for the whole company once in awhile and then they started things like bringing in trays of cold cuts for people to make their own sandwich. I means its still free food and all, but being really cheap with something that is supposed to be motivations sends the opposite message I think. It would be like cutting someone a bonus check for like $2.57. Don't spend it all in one place!

My company is going overboard with “Teambuilding” BS. You may have seen some of my other posts making fun of Teambuilding, but this place is the worst:

1. We have a company picnic.
2. We have a division picnic.
3. We have one day per month where the last 2 hours are devoted to socializing.
4. We are now apparently having quarterly departmental Teambuilding activities (the first was an off-site “Iron Chef” contest).
5. We are apparently going to have quarterly Teambuilding activities just for our team.
6. We are apparently having at least 2, maybe 4, days per year dedicated to “development” which are just teambuilding/networking sessions.
7. This doesn’t count the various holiday activities or one-off Teambuilding sessions, of which there are several.
8. This doesn’t count the monthly “Employee Association” events either.

All the while, our team is drowning in work and we can’t get more help.

I’ll let the reader guess how many of these activities I’ve attended. It isn’t hard.

 

[snoopy7548]

They're secretly telling you it's time to just reset and start fresh. CTRL+A, Delete. Get up from your desk, go to the bathroom, and browse ATOT/reddit for the rest of the day.

 

[Feneant2]

IndieColtsFan, if the answer is less than all of them this will appear in your performance agreement as 'not a team player'.

Don't feel bad, we no longer have a company picnic, no longer have a company Xmas luncheon, no longer have monthly 'cake meetings' to celebrate birthdays, no longer have a cafeteria to buy food, no longer have garbage pickup and no longer have water coolers <-- That last one they indicated that 'Tap water is good enough'. The only thing we have left, other than our workstations, is toilet paper in the bathrooms.

And yet they then wonder why our typical employee engagement results hover around the 20%mark.

 

[snoopy7548]

Sounds like you work at my company. They think extra “Jeans Days” are a huge reward here. I refuse to wear jeans on those days out of principle.

You should wear snow pants.

I guess I'm "lucky" to work at a place where it's acceptable to wear jeans every day (which I do). Some people wear shorts during the summer. One of the perks of working for a smaller (<500 employees I think) private company.

 

[Carson Dyle]

Dear SomeonesMind,

We regret to inform you that your services are no longer needed. Thank you for your time with Work. Begin clearing your work space now. Security will be there momentarily to escort you from the building.

Work

 

[Red Squirrel]

My favourite is CEO emails about how well the company is doing and how well the teams have worked together to achieve whatever goal they had and that profits are at an all time high.

Followed by an email that they're doing layoffs and restructuring.

 

[IndyColtsFan]

IndieColtsFan, if the answer is less than all of them this will appear in your performance agreement as 'not a team player'.

Ha! That’s the best part and I forgot to mention - participating in the quarterly departmental events is in our performance plan. We have our mid-year “conversation” next week and my boss may say something about me not showing up. They’re free to ding me, but there will be consequences for them if they do.

Don't feel bad, we no longer have a company picnic, no longer have a company Xmas luncheon, no longer have monthly 'cake meetings' to celebrate birthdays, no longer have a cafeteria to buy food, no longer have garbage pickup and no longer have water coolers <-- That last one they indicated that 'Tap water is good enough'. The only thing we have left, other than our workstations, is toilet paper in the bathrooms.

And yet they then wonder why our typical employee engagement results hover around the 20%mark.

I think I may have given the wrong impression, so let me take a moment to correct it. I’m impressed that my company gives employees who enjoy that sort of thing these kinds of options. HOWEVER, where I draw the line is making them mandatory. I (and many others in my department) are introverts and these things accomplish absolutely nothing for us. I speak from experience - I’m 47 and have decades of work experience including being forced to do these things in the past. They’re of no value to me. I’m a rockstar and do a great job, people get along with me, and I work well with others. I just want to do my job and go home. Fortunately I may have a new opportunity around the corner which will give me that. I hope it pans out.

 

[paperfist]

Quit sending me fucking stupid emails explaining how proud you are of us and to reflect on how hard we worked for xyz holiday (e.g. labor day) and how we should take time to disconnect. You're so proud of us for working so hard and achieving great results...

I don't want to read your cheesy email. Unless it is a notification that you are giving us a bonus or additional time off then shove it. Even the fact that I have to roll my eyes and tap the delete key 2 sentences in annoys me. Money talks, bullshit walks.

/Rant

So that’s not motivational to you?

As a contractor I see stuff like that on some of these businesses walls. Like “we’re at $200k for the 2nd week of the month but dental is down 20% come on team let’s pull together!”

And I think most of these people are near minimum wage, how is that doing anything but insulting them? Even the ones that make $50k I wouldn’t think would be that excited to see how much the company generates compared to what you grab.

 

[spacejamz]

My favourite is CEO emails about how well the company is doing and how well the teams have worked together to achieve whatever goal they had and that profits are at an all time high.

Followed by an email that they're doing layoffs and restructuring.

In previous years, our company provided a profit sharing bonus that was determined by meeting quarterly revenue goals....the first 3 quarters, we exceeded (greatly in some instances) this goal, but magically, the 4th quarter would come up short and we would miss the bonus. This happened more often than not...

 

[IndyColtsFan]

In previous years, our company provided a profit sharing bonus that was determined by meeting quarterly revenue goals....the first 3 quarters, we exceeded (greatly in some instances) this goal, but magically, the 4th quarter would come up short and we would miss the bonus. This happened more often than not...

And I bet the executive bonus plan magically met all its goals and paid out, too.

 

[gorcorps]

My company is going overboard with “Teambuilding” BS. You may have seen some of my other posts making fun of Teambuilding, but this place is the worst:

1. We have a company picnic.
2. We have a division picnic.
3. We have one day per month where the last 2 hours are devoted to socializing.
4. We are now apparently having quarterly departmental Teambuilding activities (the first was an off-site “Iron Chef” contest).
5. We are apparently going to have quarterly Teambuilding activities just for our team.
6. We are apparently having at least 2, maybe 4, days per year dedicated to “development” which are just teambuilding/networking sessions.
7. This doesn’t count the various holiday activities or one-off Teambuilding sessions, of which there are several.
8. This doesn’t count the monthly “Employee Association” events either.

All the while, our team is drowning in work and we can’t get more help.

I’ll let the reader guess how many of these activities I’ve attended. It isn’t hard.

Seventeen?