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Dads- how long after birth did you return (mentally) to work?

S

slackerinabox

Lifer
My first daughter was born 3 weeks ago and my head really hasn't been back to my work since then. Sales job with no set schedule which means I sometimes skip a day or two from sheer exhaustion, which I feel guilty about but am a zombie and feel useless. I need to get my focus back but sometimes I get 1 hour of sleep (and my wife's working from home)... Family visiting all the time too... ARGH.
 
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It was about 2-3 weeks for both of mine. I was at work, lol but spent all that time either talking to them on the phone or looking at baby pics.
 
immediately, gotta provide for the family ya know

of course some focus still at home, its not like it was before child, but someone's gotta make the donuts
 
classy said:
It was about 2-3 weeks for both of mine. I was at work, lol but spent all that time either talking to them on the phone or looking at baby pics.
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good, so the inlaws displaying passive aggressive concern that I'm out of the office today can eat it? I mean, I feel guilty too but the mental and physical exhaustion is something I should have figured would take more than a few days to adjust to. The first week was actually sweet, now she wakes up every 20 minutes.... It's an endless cycle of feed, poop, clean, soothe, feed.. wish my wife was stay at home then it would be all on her, but she has to work as well so we're splitting it off, which means we're both zombies.. argh, sorry for whining 🙂
 
My wife is an angel, she let me sleep when our baby would get up through the night (plus she was breastfeeding throughout the night, I couldn't really help with that).

Our daughter is 1 and I think it's worse now, she still gets up often throughout the night, and my wife and I take turns. So in the beginning while my wife was breastfeeding I was fine, but a year later I'm a zombie at work.
 
Wyndru said:
My wife is an angel, she let me sleep when our baby would get up through the night (plus she was breastfeeding throughout the night, I couldn't really help with that).

Our daughter is 1 and I think it's worse now, she still gets up often throughout the night, and my wife and I take turns. So in the beginning while my wife was breastfeeding I was fine, but a year later I'm a zombie at work.
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We pump and supplement with formula but my wife does more than what's fair considering she works from home and has to have meeting after meeting on the phone.. Still, the most sleep I've gotten is 3 hours straight. How do you deal with it? I'm trying to "man up" but I'm so tired that I fall down stairs and feel like throwing up most of the time. I feel mentally useless
 
congrats on the new baby.

as for "when"........too many variables: support system at home, level of pre-prep, level of involvement of parents (sad to say but some parents never really connect with the new baby...). Best thing is to set up a system, kind'a like triage and some point someone will have to take one for the team lol. We set it up so that we would take turns getting up in the night, so that at least one of us would get good sleep. The next night the other would take the time. And remember, if "you" aren't healthy and operating at good efficiency, then nothing you do will be very helpful. Use the weekends or open days, to stock up; cook so that you can have left-overs, or freeze extra (soup stock, spaghetti sauce, etc). Once you get more settled in a pattern, then you will start getting your "work" life back on track. Good luck.

ps......you can do this even if your wife is breast feeding, either pump or I would use pillows to prop the baby in place and my wife would never even wake up lol.

and our oldest is now 24 out on her own, and I still get calls at work for the occaisional questions or help, so once you've started........they will always be in your head.
 
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oldest is 6, youngest is a month old... i havent checked in since 2005...

But really, im wasted now. my first two kids wernt so bad, but this one is kicking my butt for some reason.
 
freedomsbeat212 said:
We pump and supplement with formula but my wife does more than what's fair considering she works from home and has to have meeting after meeting on the phone.. Still, the most sleep I've gotten is 3 hours straight. How do you deal with it? I'm trying to "man up" but I'm so tired that I fall down stairs and feel like throwing up most of the time. I feel mentally useless
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It will get better as you, your wife and the baby start to get a routine down. It's hard to explain, but over time the baby adjusts a little bit with your schedule, and you and your wife will find more efficient ways to do things.

The reason why I mentioned the breastfeeding was because our daughter would fall asleep quicker and for longer periods with breastfeeding than she would with a bottle of pumped. Something about the comfort of having Mom. Plus it saved my wife from having to pump earlier in the night, and kept her lactation strong throughout the night.

Regarding the lack of sleep, it's tough but I think my body adjusted to it over time. I rarely get 5 hours straight, but you learn to deal with it. As they get older you can get away with just giving them a pacifier, which sometimes works.
 
Wyndru said:
The reason why I mentioned the breastfeeding was because our daughter would fall asleep quicker and for longer periods with breastfeeding than she would with a bottle of pumped. Something about the comfort of having Mom. Plus it saved my wife from having to pump earlier in the night, and kept her lactation strong throughout the night.
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The warmth of the mother, the smell of the mother, and the baby can feel the mother.

Breastfeeding is superior to bottle feeding in every way.
 
Texashiker said:
The warmth of the mother, the smell of the mother, and the baby can feel the mother.

Breastfeeding is superior to bottle feeding in every way.
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Exhibit 1 to the contrary:
"Breast milk alone does not provide infants with an adequate intake of vitamin D"
--http://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/recommendations/vitamin_d.htm

You should be careful with your absolutes, comes off as ignorant.

Breastfeeding is great, but there is no need to be close-minded on the issue. Plus even bottle-fed babies feel and smell their mother. Its just a plastic nipple instead of a real one, and babies are DUMB.
 
Wyndru said:
It will get better as you, your wife and the baby start to get a routine down. It's hard to explain, but over time the baby adjusts a little bit with your schedule, and you and your wife will find more efficient ways to do things.

The reason why I mentioned the breastfeeding was because our daughter would fall asleep quicker and for longer periods with breastfeeding than she would with a bottle of pumped. Something about the comfort of having Mom. Plus it saved my wife from having to pump earlier in the night, and kept her lactation strong throughout the night.

Regarding the lack of sleep, it's tough but I think my body adjusted to it over time. I rarely get 5 hours straight, but you learn to deal with it. As they get older you can get away with just giving them a pacifier, which sometimes works.
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We did (and continue) to split off days but the problem with that is that I'm missing every other day of work -my shift on my days is from 9:30 pm until around 6:30 am and I don't think I get a wink of REM sleep so, while I pysche myself up that I'm going to shower and head to work, I usually nod off at 7 and wake up at 10 am pissed off that I'm making an awful impression at my job. It's not a 9 to 5 but, still.. Missing every other day means my sales goals are going to be hard to meet. I'm aiming to pick up the slack after this weekend but my unhealthy plan includes smoking again, lots of coffee, and lots of red bull.. In other words, I'm reverting to my college days 🙂 Not healthy at all..

You're absolutely right about breastfeeding, my wife has a much easier time of soothing the baby much of the time. Last night was a doozy for her though, so "easier" is relative.
 
What? I went back to work the next day. I didn't give birth...my wife did...


The pussyfication of America continues.
 
HardcoreRobot said:
Exhibit 1 to the contrary:
"Breast milk alone does not provide infants with an adequate intake of vitamin D"
--http://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/recommendations/vitamin_d.htm

You should be careful with your absolutes, comes off as ignorant.

Breastfeeding is great, but there is no need to be close-minded on the issue. Plus even bottle-fed babies feel and smell their mother. Its just a plastic nipple instead of a real one, and babies are DUMB.
Click to expand...

I like the 50/50 approach (switching to 40/60 when she produces more milk)... Formula seems to leave the baby gasier and constipated, she just seems happier with the boob. I've also read studies linking formula use to ADHD and, while I'm sure some of it's hippy bullshit, a split is a nice mix of convenience and maternal nurturing.
 
BoomerD said:
What? I went back to work the next day. I didn't give birth...my wife did...


The pussyfication of America continues.
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Does your wife work? NYC is different, I don't know many housewives since living expenses are so high. My wife's midwestern mom is still a housewife but our mortgage is twice theirs because, you know, our property's worth something and increases at a steady rate 😉 My point is that both of us have to work so the only fair thing for me to do is to take up 1/2 of the baby work, though I would love love love for my wife to be a full time mom, though it would be putting her masters to waste.
 
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HardcoreRobot said:
Exhibit 1 to the contrary:
"Breast milk alone does not provide infants with an adequate intake of vitamin D"
--http://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/recommendations/vitamin_d.htm

You should be careful with your absolutes, comes off as ignorant.
Click to expand...


People made it just fine for hundreds of thousands of years before bottles and formula came along. A few years of studies by the CDC can not best hundreds of thousands of years of proven effectiveness.

CDC established - 1992

Breastmilk - established million of years ago (humans within the past 200,000 years).

I will take breastmilk for the win thank you.


freedomsbeat212 said:
I like the 50/50 approach (switching to 40/60 when she produces more milk)...
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The only way she is going to produce more milk, is if the baby nurses more.
 
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freedomsbeat212 said:
Does your wife work?
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What does that have to do with it? The female of the species gives birth...they're the ones who need the "down time" to recuperate from the birth process. MOST wimmenz prefer a few weeks to a few months to "bond" with the babby...men should just go to fuck back to work.

But to answer your question...when child 1 was born, No, she wasn't working. When child 2 was born, yes she was...but was fired for taking maternity leave past 4 weeks. <shrug> she hated the job anyway, (baker in a small grocery store) and fought the termination...and got unemployment until she found a new job.
 
Texashiker said:
People made it just fine for hundreds of thousands of years before bottles and formula came along. For few years of studies by the CDC can not best hundreds of thousands of years of proven effectiveness.




The only way she is going to produce more milk, is if the baby nurses more.
Click to expand...

Preaching to the choir, I was a bit mean and insistent early on about her pumping and nursing more but we're using formula as a compromise. my wife absolutely hates pumping and hasn't adjusted to the pain. I think she's enjoying nursing more now... I really want to get to 100% milk through nursing and pumping, but we'll see how she does. Maybe the pump I got sucks (ameda), she grimmaces through the process.
 
BoomerD said:
What does that have to do with it? The female of the species gives birth...they're the ones who need the "down time" to recuperate from the birth process. MOST wimmenz prefer a few weeks to a few months to "bond" with the babby...men should just go to fuck back to work.

But to answer your question...when child 1 was born, No, she wasn't working. When child 2 was born, yes she was...but was fired for taking maternity leave past 4 weeks. <shrug> she hated the job anyway, (baker in a small grocery store) and fought the termination...and got unemployment until she found a new job.
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Yeah, my wife doesn't work at a grocery store and has a real career, two in fact. If we were more working class I bet we could give up her minimum wage salary in order to avoid being called a pussy.
 
HardcoreRobot said:
Exhibit 1 to the contrary:
"Breast milk alone does not provide infants with an adequate intake of vitamin D"
--http://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/recommendations/vitamin_d.htm

You should be careful with your absolutes, comes off as ignorant.

Breastfeeding is great, but there is no need to be close-minded on the issue. Plus even bottle-fed babies feel and smell their mother. Its just a plastic nipple instead of a real one, and babies are DUMB.
Click to expand...

You could just take the baby outside to get vitamin d. Most people in the US are deficient in vitamin d and it has nothing to do with diet.
 
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