Dads- how long after birth did you return (mentally) to work?

[Texashiker]

Preaching to the choir, I was a bit mean and insistent early on about her pumping and nursing more but we're using formula as a compromise. my wife absolutely hates pumping and hasn't adjusted to the pain. I think she's enjoying nursing more now...

I dont know if you know about this - but giving the baby a bottle or pacifier increases the rick of nipple confusion.

http://www.breastfeeding.com/all_about/all_about_confusion.html

The more often a baby is given a pacifier or bottle, the less the baby will nurse from the mother.

 

[slackerinabox]

I dont know if you know about this - but giving the baby a bottle or pacifier increases the rick of nipple confusion.

http://www.breastfeeding.com/all_about/all_about_confusion.html

The more often a baby is given a pacifier or bottle, the less the baby will nurse from the mother.

Interesting stuff. I'm 100% pro boob - sharing this article with my wife. Thanks!
(how do you deal with feedings though? my wife psychically can't be on call every day all day since she works)

 

[BoomerD]

Yeah, my wife doesn't work at a grocery store and has a real career, two in fact. If we were more working class I bet we could give up her minimum wage salary in order to avoid being called a pussy.

The point still is...SHE gave birth, not YOU. Once she's recovered from the birth process, she can return to work. Why do YOU, need to take time off beyond that point? It's not like it was YOUR vagina that went through the stretching/tearing of birth. (or was it?)

Obviously, she's not going to become a "stay-at-home" mom, so why not just get the babby to the day care now?

If your wife is ready to go to work...good. You don't need to take time off of work. "Paternity leave" is bullshit.

 

[slackerinabox]

congrats on the new baby.

as for "when"........too many variables: support system at home, level of pre-prep, level of involvement of parents (sad to say but some parents never really connect with the new baby...). Best thing is to set up a system, kind'a like triage and some point someone will have to take one for the team lol. We set it up so that we would take turns getting up in the night, so that at least one of us would get good sleep. The next night the other would take the time. And remember, if "you" aren't healthy and operating at good efficiency, then nothing you do will be very helpful. Use the weekends or open days, to stock up; cook so that you can have left-overs, or freeze extra (soup stock, spaghetti sauce, etc). Once you get more settled in a pattern, then you will start getting your "work" life back on track. Good luck.

ps......you can do this even if your wife is breast feeding, either pump or I would use pillows to prop the baby in place and my wife would never even wake up lol.

and our oldest is now 24 out on her own, and I still get calls at work for the occaisional questions or help, so once you've started........they will always be in your head.

thanks for the thoughtful post. We're still working on our system. Shifts didn't work because both of us are exhausted every day. splitting off days is better but we're still working it out. I have to learn how to cook, though our vacuum sealer has gotten a lot more use.

 

[ponyo]

What? I went back to work the next day. I didn't give birth...my wife did...


The pussyfication of America continues.

This. I closed up shop for the day and gave everyone day off with pay. Next day I was back at work. Your focus should be how to make more money so your wife can stay home with the baby. That's the best thing you can do for your child as the male parent.

 

[slackerinabox]

The point still is...SHE gave birth, not YOU. Once she's recovered from the birth process, she can return to work. Why do YOU, need to take time off beyond that point? It's not like it was YOUR vagina that went through the stretching/tearing of birth. (or was it?)

Obviously, she's not going to become a "stay-at-home" mom, so why not just get the babby to the day care now?

If your wife is ready to go to work...good. You don't need to take time off of work. "Paternity leave" is bullshit.

Because WE take care of the baby, which is a 24 hour job. SHE earns more so I often let her sleep in and am literally by the baby's side for 12 hours straight because trying to get to sleep seems useless since I'm just going to get woken up in 20 minutes anyways. Though I'm not making excuses, I do feel like I'm doing something wrong and am open to coping methods. Honestly, how do people get used to so little sleep? I'm not a heavy sleeper to begin with and usually slept only 6 hours a night. I can't function on 2 or 3.. Man up, for sure, but I'm looking for man up methods I don't have the endurance to sleep only 2 hours, commute, meet clients without my teeth shattering, and make a great impression. I guess it'll just be a time healing all thing, but I wonder what other people do. I'm literally brain dead, I lose things constantly leave the house without socks, forget to get the laundry done until I'm absolutely out of pants..shave only sporadically and am only pretending that my beard is a fashion decision.. drink too much coffee to compensate and started smoking again, all while having migraines.. in other words I'm a mess... though completely agree that my indifference to my job is not a good thing, next week is me trying to make a good impression again

 

[slackerinabox]

This. I closed up shop for the day and gave everyone day off with pay. Next day I was back at work. Your focus should be how to make more money so your wife can stay home with the baby. That's the best thing you can do for your child as the male parent.

It's kinda impossible for me to go from $60k a year to $140,000 in this economy. I wish i could "man up" to make my wife's earnings unnecessary allowing her to work at home, but I'm happy for the people who can more than double their salary based just on a decision

 

[Wyndru]

Preaching to the choir, I was a bit mean and insistent early on about her pumping and nursing more but we're using formula as a compromise. my wife absolutely hates pumping and hasn't adjusted to the pain. I think she's enjoying nursing more now... I really want to get to 100% milk through nursing and pumping, but we'll see how she does. Maybe the pump I got sucks (ameda), she grimmaces through the process.

My wife has both the Ameda (dual pump) and the Medela (single pump) pumps, and she prefers the Medela for comfort, even though it takes longer than the Ameda. It's hard to say what is better though without knowing your wife's breast shape (pics please? ).

/perv...Let's try that again...It's hard to say what is better though since comments range VERY widely on the sites. Some people love one and think it's the most comfortable, and the next comment says it's the worst.

 

[dfuze]

Unless I missed it, who said he is taking paternity leave? I took a couple days off but that was with accumilated vacation time. Nothing wrong with wanting to be around the new family member after they are born.

 

[slackerinabox]

Unless I missed it, who said he is taking paternity leave? I took a couple days off but that was with accumilated vacation time. Nothing wrong with wanting to be around the new family member after they are born.

Yep, I'm not taking paternity leave at all. I'm a real estate agent so I don't have to be in the office but my current exhaustion sees me only doing a 20 hour work week (from 6 days/60 hour average) with some genuine at home work (advertising, etc.) but I'm done from 5 to 10 clients a week to 2, which I find inexcusable but I haven't built up the stamina to do both yet.

Next week I aim to put in 30 hours and meet with 3 clients at least. Luckily one client is a $500k+ client so, if I close the deal soon that'll pick up the slack without me putting in more hours, but I'm still stressed that I'm not working to my max

 

[Elbryn]

We pump and supplement with formula but my wife does more than what's fair considering she works from home and has to have meeting after meeting on the phone.. Still, the most sleep I've gotten is 3 hours straight. How do you deal with it? I'm trying to "man up" but I'm so tired that I fall down stairs and feel like throwing up most of the time. I feel mentally useless

just need to get into a system. when our kids arrived, i got fmla 3 weeks paternity off. took 1 week after delivery to get wife recovered and then took the next 2 months tues/thur off working 3 day weeks. pretty decent balance for us as we decided to have wife stay home with the addition of second kid.

our system, we slept every other night. work nights, my job to sleep downstairs and take care of the newborn while she slept upstairs. next day, i'd be at home then get to sleep upstairs so i could be effective at work the next day. got to balance keeping up at work and helping out at home.

it may be just us but we got the kids onto a feeding/sleeping schedule as soon as we could. the surprising thing is that after a year, you'll barely be able to remember the pain of having a newborn. got them sleeping through the night around 5-6 months i think.
takes a bit of ignoring cries through the night but they'll eventually learn to self soothe and go back to sleep.

 

[zanejohnson]

lol never!!!!!!

give it 18 years.. but then you gotta deal with her deadbeat potheat b/f LOL


have fun bro, life's beautiful.

 

[zanejohnson]

i was working 3 jobs when my first little girl came into this world quit 2, barely held on to the third...

things were way smoother when Audri my youngest came, birth was quick, i had a decent busines going, didnt take any leave from that, but it was my own, so i could schedule around it... but no, i've never been the same even since the first. kicked my ass in gear (even though it took a few years, a divorce, beating a horrible addiction, etc)

 

[Fritzo]

^^This.

Went back to work the next day and went back to pick her up after work and brought her home.

Did she make you a sandwich when she walked in the door too?

 

[actuarial]

What? I went back to work the next day. I didn't give birth...my wife did...

The pussyfication of America continues.

Two things:

1) Working is easier than taking care of a newborn. Even more so if you have a long commute on a train and get to sleep.

2) A real man takes care of everything not involving a breast the first few days. Your wife just gave birth, and you're going to head back to work and leave everything to her?

 

[BabaBooey]

2 days but that was due to the weekend...

 

[Specop 007]

immediately, gotta provide for the family ya know

of course some focus still at home, its not like it was before child, but someone's gotta make the donuts

This exactly. Part of being a responsible adult is being able to stay focused on priorities. If I decide to drift off on an emotional bliss with my head in the clouds nothing ever gets done.

I dont have to worry about that though because I'm not a woman.

 

[Lithium381]

I had to go back after a week, but mentally it was spotty for the first couple of months, both from worrying if everything is okay and lack of sleep

 

[coloumb]

Nothing too out of the ordinary other than having to alter sleep patterns. I've never really been big on worrying - life's messy, you just deal with it and don't think about it or worry.