Chuck Norris is nuts

[CPA]

Texas produces more oil, natural gas, helium, rice, and cattle than any other state, has more head of whitetail deer than any other state, has more farming land than any other state, has three of the 10 largest cities in the country, has the world's largest inland port, ranks second in volume of inland water, has one of the largest state guards in the country and, most importantly, has the most professional sports teams than any other state. We could definitely secede with not much of a problem

 

[irishScott]

Originally posted by: Babbles

Originally posted by: irishScott
Random story comes to mind.

A couple of semesters ago I had an awesome professor. On the midterm, one of the students (not me) wrote "Chuck Norris" as the answer. Professor drew a stick figure with a cowboy hat and gave him 2/30 points for the problem.

True story. Actually saw the paper.

That's awesome! What type of course was that?

Computer Engineering 202. Gates, sequential logic, multiplexers and such.

 

[Babbles]

Originally posted by: CPA
Texas produces more oil, natural gas, helium, rice, and cattle than any other state, has more head of whitetail deer than any other state, has more farming land than any other state, has three of the 10 largest cities in the country, has the world's largest inland port, ranks second in volume of inland water, has one of the largest state guards in the country and, most importantly, has the most professional sports teams than any other state. We could definitely secede with not much of a problem

Not to mention has the highest concentration of Chuck Norris relative o anywhere else.

 

[thomsbrain]

Originally posted by: Redfraggle
It's Chuck Norris, he already won. This is just his pleasant way of announcing his plans to become the world's overlord.

He also secretly impregnated all the hot females with his super-seed in the middle of the night in order to create his master-race of royalty children.

 

[Ballatician]

Originally posted by: roid450

Originally posted by: Ballatician
If you have 5 dollars and Chuck Norris has 5 dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

They tried to market Chuck Norris brand toilet paper but it wouldn't work because Chuck Norris don't take shit from nobody!

OMG that post made me LOL so hard, shit, i think I had a piece of cereal lodged in a nasal passage :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

:thumbsup:

Definitely two of the funnier Chuck Norris jokes I've heard.

 

[TheInternet1980]

Originally posted by: zerocool84
He'd roundhouse kick us out of this recession in no time.

Yep. Thread delivers.

 

[Phokus]

I honestly wouldn't mind seeing the federal government carpet bomb texas (leaving Austin intact of course)

 

[dakels]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNJ9guFGy_g

 

[LtPage1]

Originally posted by: EvilYoda

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus
And people give California shit for electing Arnold governor...

I dont' see how Chuck is worse than Ahnold...Arnold seems much more the meathead to me. Granted, I don't know if Chuck's married to a walking skeleton with strong political ties.

The difference is that Schwarzenegger has been a relatively effective governor, and Norris is a fundamentalist whackjob with the capacity for critical thought of a walnut.

 

[jonks]

George Washington advised, "The great rule of conduct in regard to foreign nations is in extending our commercial relations [and] having with them as little political connection as possible." Yet the Obama administration just pledged $900 million in U.S. taxpayer-funded aid to Hamas-controlled Gaza and Mahmoud Abbas' Palestinian Authority.

Thomas Jefferson counseled us, "We must not let our rulers load us with perpetual debt." Yet the Feds have just skyrocketed our national deficit and debt by trillions of dollars, and it plans much more fiscal expansion with few expectations of resistance. Despite that George Washington admonished, "To contract new debts is not the way to pay for old ones," we keep borrowing and bailing, while we watch the stock market plunge further every time we do.

Patrick Henry taught that, "Our Constitution is ? an instrument for its people to restrain the government." Yet our Congress and president stampede that founding document, overlook its explicitness and manipulate its words to abandon a balance of power and accommodate their own desires, partisan politics and runaway spending.

John Adams declared that, "Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people." Yet we've bastardized the First Amendment, reinterpreted America's religious history and secularized our society until we ooze skepticism and circumvent religion on every level of public and private life.

Thomas Jefferson also said, "Slave Delilah, get that sweet little chocolate ass of yours over here, papa needs some luvin."

If "our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people", yet was written at a time when people with dark skin were traded like baseball cards and the justification for doing so was sanctioned by the main religious text of the country, then I think Chuck needs to take some normal pills, and recognize that no society lives up to what he would require to be worthy of our constitution.

 

[KeithTalent]

Damn, I thought it said Chuck Norris's nuts.

KT

 

[zoiks]

Originally posted by: CPA
Texas produces more oil, natural gas, helium, rice, and cattle than any other state, has more head of whitetail deer than any other state, has more farming land than any other state, has three of the 10 largest cities in the country, has the world's largest inland port, ranks second in volume of inland water, has one of the largest state guards in the country and, most importantly, has the most professional sports teams than any other state. We could definitely secede with not much of a problem

and so what. I'm sure we'd survive if we gave TX to Mexico.

 

[zinfamous]

Originally posted by: deepred98
Texas sovereignty ftw! Norris Kinky for prez/vp

I'm all for Texas gtfo out of the US. Is that his plan?

 

[rasczak]

Originally posted by: zoiks

Originally posted by: CPA
Texas produces more oil, natural gas, helium, rice, and cattle than any other state, has more head of whitetail deer than any other state, has more farming land than any other state, has three of the 10 largest cities in the country, has the world's largest inland port, ranks second in volume of inland water, has one of the largest state guards in the country and, most importantly, has the most professional sports teams than any other state. We could definitely secede with not much of a problem

and so what. I'm sure we'd survive if we gave TX to Mexico.

Chuck Norris canmake Mexico into a superpower with only his left thumb.

 

[SphinxnihpS]

Originally posted by: jonks

George Washington advised, "The great rule of conduct in regard to foreign nations is in extending our commercial relations [and] having with them as little political connection as possible." Yet the Obama administration just pledged $900 million in U.S. taxpayer-funded aid to Hamas-controlled Gaza and Mahmoud Abbas' Palestinian Authority.

Thomas Jefferson counseled us, "We must not let our rulers load us with perpetual debt." Yet the Feds have just skyrocketed our national deficit and debt by trillions of dollars, and it plans much more fiscal expansion with few expectations of resistance. Despite that George Washington admonished, "To contract new debts is not the way to pay for old ones," we keep borrowing and bailing, while we watch the stock market plunge further every time we do.

Patrick Henry taught that, "Our Constitution is ? an instrument for its people to restrain the government." Yet our Congress and president stampede that founding document, overlook its explicitness and manipulate its words to abandon a balance of power and accommodate their own desires, partisan politics and runaway spending.

John Adams declared that, "Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people." Yet we've bastardized the First Amendment, reinterpreted America's religious history and secularized our society until we ooze skepticism and circumvent religion on every level of public and private life.

Thomas Jefferson also said, "Slave Delilah, get that sweet little chocolate ass of yours over here, papa needs some luvin."

If "our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people", yet was written at a time when people with dark skin were traded like baseball cards and the justification for doing so was sanctioned by the main religious text of the country, then I think Chuck needs to take some normal pills, and recognize that no society lives up to what he would require to be worthy of our constitution.

More straw men over slaves, eh?

FAIL!

 

[us3rnotfound]

Originally posted by: KeithTalent
Damn, I thought it said Chuck Norris's nuts.

KT

Then you look for your magnifying glass.

 

[Rudee]

Never trust a man who dyes his beard.

 

[bctbct]

Originally posted by: CPA
Texas produces more oil, natural gas, helium, rice, and cattle than any other state, has more head of whitetail deer than any other state, has more farming land than any other state, has three of the 10 largest cities in the country, has the world's largest inland port, ranks second in volume of inland water, has one of the largest state guards in the country and, most importantly, has the most professional sports teams than any other state. We could definitely secede with not much of a problem

you guys only got 1 family tree though....







:laugh:

 

[MotF Bane]

Originally posted by: polarmystery

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Originally posted by: Fayd

Originally posted by: S Freud
If he won I would move to Texas.

same here.

I wouldn't move to Texas if Jenna Jameson was the governor and giving free blow jobs to everyone who relocated to her state.

What if that girl Heather Brooke from ideepthroat.com gave you one instead? She's WAYYY better...

I'd go. :evil:

 

[Inspector Jihad]

Originally posted by: CPA
Texas produces more oil, natural gas, helium, rice, and cattle than any other state, has more head of whitetail deer than any other state, has more farming land than any other state, has three of the 10 largest cities in the country, has the world's largest inland port, ranks second in volume of inland water, has one of the largest state guards in the country and, most importantly, has the most professional sports teams than any other state. We could definitely secede with not much of a problem

most pro teams? are you counting crap like mls and wnba?

 

[Miramonti]

The only problem with Texas is that its above sea level.

 

[DVad3r]

Originally posted by: zerocool84
He'd roundhouse kick us out of this recession in no time.

lol nice

 

[JDub02]

Originally posted by: bctbct

Originally posted by: CPA
Texas produces more oil, natural gas, helium, rice, and cattle than any other state, has more head of whitetail deer than any other state, has more farming land than any other state, has three of the 10 largest cities in the country, has the world's largest inland port, ranks second in volume of inland water, has one of the largest state guards in the country and, most importantly, has the most professional sports teams than any other state. We could definitely secede with not much of a problem

you guys only got 1 family tree though....







:laugh:

nah, that's kentucky. that's why they pronounce it "kin"-tucky