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Child support question

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My child support payments do not go to my daughters, they are used for car payments, car insurance, a vacation to Rome (with out the kids, I took care of them), hairdo's and nails. I also pay for their health insurance separately.
And the non-custodial parent that pays for this is usually treated like a criminal by the attorney general's offices. At least in my experience in Texas.
 
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GrumpyMan said:
My child support payments do not go to my daughters, they are used for car payments, car insurance, a vacation to Rome (with out the kids, I took care of them), hairdo's and nails. I also pay for their health insurance separately.
And the non-custodial parent that pays for this is usually treated like a criminal by the attorney general's offices. At least in my experience in Texas.
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Just to touch on what happened with my parents

Divorce initiated by mom, shark lawyer paid for by grandmother (mom's side)

Dad had state provided lawyer who let him get completely railroaded.


Dad's company (specialized historic home renovation which made ~110k a year in the 80's) was dissolved, sold, and split. The "company" consisted of about $40k worth of trucks and tools so mom got a 'big fat' $20k which was gone in a few months with nothing to show.

Dad still had to pay child support based on the $110k since that's "what he was capable of making" even though he was working minimum wage jobs trying to get his company back together while attempting to make enormous child support payments. He ended up falling behind and was... arrested. While in jail the child support continued to add up. This entire thing really did rip my family apart, and dept of children services did far more damage to my sis and I than the divorce or parental fighting.


My mom and grandmother have come back and apologized for what happened, but they 'used' the system against my Dad which is extremely common.


You really have no clue unless you've seen some of this stuff happen. It's really tough to believe just how horrible 'the system' is with this.

Edit: And when I say 'you have no clue' I'm directing that at the people blindly supporting child support since it's 'for the kids'..
 
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tp4tissue said:
If it is proven that a woman raped a man, and bore his child.

Is that man still required to pay child support?? 😱
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How does the mother still have custody? What idiot father did not sue for custody of the child after having been raped by the mother? With two stupid parents like that, sounds like the kid is screwed.
 
smitbret said:
How does the mother still have custody? What idiot father did not sue for custody of the child after having been raped by the mother? With two stupid parents like that, sounds like the kid is screwed.
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In most states (at least until recently) as long as the mother wants the kids she gets them, and the father has to support them financially. I've seen coked up drug dealing moms get custody over a father who is extremely stable with a good job and etc.

It generally takes multiple fsckups on the mom's side for the dad to win custody.
 
SpatiallyAware said:
In most states (at least until recently) as long as the mother wants the kids she gets them, and the father has to support them financially. I've seen coked up drug dealing moms get custody over a father who is extremely stable with a good job and etc.

It generally takes multiple fsckups on the mom's side for the dad to win custody.
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Uhh..what? If mom is a felon (rape) and in prison, she will not have custody of the kids. If the father doesnt want them, they would be in custody of the state.
 
SpatiallyAware said:
In most states (at least until recently) as long as the mother wants the kids she gets them, and the father has to support them financially. I've seen coked up drug dealing moms get custody over a father who is extremely stable with a good job and etc.

It generally takes multiple fsckups on the mom's side for the dad to win custody.
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Sounds like a good premise, but it really doesn't work that way. There are two sides to every story and the fact that most custody cases are closed door means that what looks like a stupid decision on the surface may have been the best thing for the child, regardless of the custodial parent's gender.
 
I recall reading about a case where a female lawyer gave a male lawyer a BJ, then impregnated herself. There was never any other sexual contact.

She sued for child support and won.
 
SpatiallyAware said:
In most states (at least until recently) as long as the mother wants the kids she gets them, and the father has to support them financially. I've seen coked up drug dealing moms get custody over a father who is extremely stable with a good job and etc.

It generally takes multiple fsckups on the mom's side for the dad to win custody.
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not as true anymore. it used to be if the mother wanted them they got them no quesitons asked. but in the last 20 years judges have changed. no longer are mothers granted custudy without a real reason. even then in many case's its 50-50.

sure you will find some judges who still think that way. but it is changing.
 
tk149 said:
I recall reading about a case where a female lawyer gave a male lawyer a BJ, then impregnated herself. There was never any other sexual contact.

She sued for child support and won.
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Yep. When I first heard that story I thought there's no way that's not an urban myth, but if you google it you'll discover it was a real court case.

I think that these horror stories about the family court system are part of the reason I'm so anxious to avoid procreation. Its been years since I've slept with a girl who wasn't on birth control and where we were using condoms at the same time, and I really don't know that I'd be mentally capable of ditching condoms without getting a vasectomy first. Getting a woman pregnant is the easiest way for an otherwise successful and stable guy to ruin his life, and while I know it's not just men who get screwed by the family court system we're definitely the ones who're more likely to get the shaft.
 
waggy said:
not as true anymore. it used to be if the mother wanted them they got them no quesitons asked. but in the last 20 years judges have changed. no longer are mothers granted custudy without a real reason. even then in many case's its 50-50.

sure you will find some judges who still think that way. but it is changing.
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I would say things have started to change in the last 5 years or so, definitely not 20 and it's absolutely nowhere near 50/50 either..

I'm not sure where you're getting your info but I keep up with current child support laws, cases, and trends (not just in my state either) and it is still extremely biased towards the mother.
 
You would think that at the very least some of the costs would be tax deductible to the non-custodial parent somehow, but nope.
 
GrumpyMan said:
You would think that at the very least some of the costs would be tax deductible to the non-custodial parent somehow, but nope.
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The problem is, as you said, the government (child services and the state) tends to view fathers who pay child support as a criminal who is being punished - not as a divorced father helping the kids.
 
SpatiallyAware said:
I would say things have started to change in the last 5 years or so, definitely not 20 and it's absolutely nowhere near 50/50 either..

I'm not sure where you're getting your info but I keep up with current child support laws, cases, and trends (not just in my state either) and it is still extremely biased towards the mother.
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i get it from my friends and family that has divorced. sure the majority of the time the women get it. but its nowhere where it was 20 years ago. where a mother could be a meth addict and the father a clean cut working man and he would still lose.

even when the mother gets it has been 50/50 custody.

we did have one judge who was unfair all the time. but he got kicked of the bench.
 
waggy said:
i get it from my friends and family that has divorced. sure the majority of the time the women get it. but its nowhere where it was 20 years ago. where a mother could be a meth addict and the father a clean cut working man and he would still lose.

even when the mother gets it has been 50/50 custody.

we did have one judge who was unfair all the time. but he got kicked of the bench.
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In the situation you describe (drugged up mom vs working man) if the mother fights for custody she will get it (along with support) as long as she doesn't have a felony/violent conviction hanging over her head.

It really is screwed up and doesn't make sense but the court system (in general) seems to place a much higher value on the mom+kids relationship compared to dad+kids. It takes a LOT for the dad to get custody if the mom fights for it.



Granted, in most of these cases the mom ends up in jail - and that's generally when dad gets custody.
 
keird said:
Couldn't the payer of child support pay for certain things directly, or an escrow account that gets billed monthly for agreed upon necessities?

Rent
EBT card funded by the child support monies
Utilities
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OR child support could be in the form of BJ gift cards that are ID(ed) AND only works for FOOOOOOOOD. No TV and BDroms.:awe::awe:
 
tp4tissue said:
OR child support could be in the form of BJ gift cards that are ID(ed) AND only works for FOOOOOOOOD. No TV and BDroms.:awe::awe:
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ok. what about birthday's or christmas? or a present for the hell of it?

child support is more then utilities.


but i do agree something needs to be changed.
 
ppatin said:
Yep. When I first heard that story I thought there's no way that's not an urban myth, but if you google it you'll discover it was a real court case.

I think that these horror stories about the family court system are part of the reason I'm so anxious to avoid procreation. Its been years since I've slept with a girl who wasn't on birth control and where we were using condoms at the same time, and I really don't know that I'd be mentally capable of ditching condoms without getting a vasectomy first. Getting a woman pregnant is the easiest way for an otherwise successful and stable guy to ruin his life, and while I know it's not just men who get screwed by the family court system we're definitely the ones who're more likely to get the shaft.
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See what cha did there..

Yea, make sure you have sex with "relatively" responsible women. :sneaky:

Or at least young enough that she does not wish to be tied down by children. 😱:awe:
 
waggy said:
ok. what about birthday's or christmas? or a present for the hell of it?

child support is more then utilities.


but i do agree something needs to be changed.
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I wouldn't mind one of those delicious B-day icecream cakes as a gift.. I don't think you can lawfully require gifts, but certainly not "exactly" what the gift given would be. 😱
 
waggy said:
ok. what about birthday's or christmas? or a present for the hell of it?

child support is more then utilities.


but i do agree something needs to be changed.
Click to expand...



It's called child SUPPORT. It isn't for bday gifts or xmas presents etc. It's about basic needs, i.e. utilities (and food, and clothes)


When it extends even one step beyond utilities it opens up abuse by the mother. I agree with the posters saying it should be on some sort of EBT card that's accountable.


Basically, you can't have your cake and eat it too. If mom wants to get the kids random gifts then she needs to get a job (or education to get a job, or whatever) and then buy them gifts. 'Forcing' the father to give money to his ex-wife for presents from her to the kids? WTF?
 
tp4tissue said:
Yea, make sure you have sex with "relatively" responsible women. :sneaky:
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It sure would be nice to have a detector which would help me weed out the nutcases. Sure it's easy enough to avoid the obvious whack-jobs, but when you're talking about screwing up the rest of your life even a small risk is too much.
 
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