Cheating or not cheating?

[edmundoab]

Originally posted by: ggnl

Originally posted by: edmundoab

Originally posted by: oldsmoboat
I say no. It's perfectly fine for men and women to be friends.

that case is practically a date already
friends don't do a one on one with so many events especially when at least one party is attached.
where is the line drawn then between friends and lovers?

So if I go to dinner and a movie with my male friend, does that make us gay lovers?

Why would it be any different if my friend happened to be a female?

I know it's a hard concept for jealous boyfriends to handle, but women can have male friends that are just friends.

still its a thin line. sure women can have all rights to do whatever they want.
normally, by doing that often enough. It gets more complicated then that. as in "just friends"

 

[totalcommand]

You people are WAY too sensitive. Do you have at least some testosterone?

This isn't cheating. Maybe she just wanted to hang out with a friend?

 

[edmundoab]

Originally posted by: totalcommand
You people are WAY too sensitive. Do you have at least some testosterone?

This isn't cheating. Maybe she just wanted to hang out with a friend?

really I have to agree it depends on individuals
the "ifs" and "maybes"... by the time its clarified, maybe too late to safe the relationship

 

[gigapet]

hanging out and flirting is not cheating. Dishonest and sketchy yes. Cheating no.

 

[Sphexi]

If she told her s/o what she was doing and who it was with, not a huge deal. You can have friends of a different gender, it's not all about sex/physical contact.

But if he didn't know, or she lied to him, or she told him the truth but intended for it to be something more than it ended up being, then it's getting darn close to cheating.

If you're any kind of man you'll leave well enough alone and make it clear that you only want to be friends with her, and keep romance out of it until she's single (if that happens).

 

[meltdown75]

she should tell the SO everything that has transpired immediately. i bet there's some hot chick he works with that he would like to hang out with too. so while i don't think it's cheating per se, it sure in the hell is unfair to the SO. does she have feelings for teh Junior Member (heheh)? if so, maybe she should get it out in the open. was the movie watching secret? man. schemin' is BS. then again i'm sure that half the fun of it stems from the fact that the behaviour is risque.

 

[KK]

Originally posted by: ggnl
I know it's a hard concept for jealous boyfriends to handle, but women can have male friends that are just friends.

Especially if its done behind their back, if the chick was up front to the boyfriend about it, then no problem.

 

[Albis]

sounds like cheating

 

[Miramonti]

I wouldn't accept it if it were my girlfriend. I don't think its cheating but most likely its dishonest on her part with her boyfriend, which isn't a small issue imo.

 

[randomlinh]

you know, there's too much assumed knowledge to really know what this is... i have a friend who is very "flirty" but she would never cheat on her boyfriend.. it's just her personallity. Or maybe her relationship has been on the rocks, and she is trying to slowly get away.. who knows.

 

[totalcommand]

I am close with our student at work

What does our student at work mean?

If you want her, consider it cheating.

If you don't want her, don't consider it cheating.

 

[edmundoab]

Originally posted by: jjsole
I wouldn't accept it if it were my girlfriend. I don't think its cheating but most likely its dishonest on her part with her boyfriend, which isn't a small issue imo.

in a long term, definately not ok.
im sure we are all quite open minded ourselves, its a matter of how it is handled and definately moderation is the way to go.

 

[phreakah]

Originally posted by: JetsFanatic
Eatin' ain't cheatin'

depends on what you're eating

 

[toekramp]

Originally posted by: ggnl
It could be considered cheating if she lied to her bf about what she did. Otherwise, it's completely harmless.

winnar

 

[jaedaliu]

yes, no. it doesn't matter.

what matters is how she feels about it (and to some extent how her boyfriend feels about it)

if you want to take it further, i think you should let her know, and have her clear up her relationship situation, otherwise you're in for a big headache, and no woman is worth the drama.

or maybe you'll just use her and dump her, your choice.

 

[huesmann]

Originally posted by: SaturnX
Yeah she is.. how would you like it if you had a girlfriend and she was spending evenings, and dinners with some other guy...

--Mark

What if it was with one of her girlfriends?

 

[skace]

the key has been mentioned a few times, but here it is: if she has to hide it, its cheating

 

[91TTZ]

I've found that those who can't see that things like this lead to cheating simply lack perception. Any guy who isn't 21 and has some intelligence and life experience knows that these things eventually lead to cheating.

While you may correctly state that every step until now hasn't been cheating, the bottom line is that the direction has lead that way and all signs were pointing that way.

"I'm not cheating, I'm just flirting with him at work"
"I'm not cheating, I'm just talking to him on the telephone after work"
"I'm not cheating, we're just going out to lunch on Saturday"
"I'm not cheating, we're just going out to dinner Friday night"
"I'm not cheating, we're just going to see a movie"
"I'm not cheating, we just kissed, like friends, that's it"

Seriously, when do you take a hint and realize where this is going?

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: Feneant2
I will keep this short as people hate long thread.

I am close with our student at work, we spend a lot of time together and there is a lot of harmles flirting going on.

Last Friday, we spent the evening together, we went out to eat, hung out around town a bit and then went back to my place to watch a movie. There was no physical contact involved.

Now, I am single but she is not. To this, my coworker says she is cheating (his girlfriend concurs), but I say it is not.

Vote away so I can rub it in his ugly Anandtech reading face. (he is reading this post now)

It is cheating: she is putting time and effort into building a relationship with you, which she could be devoting to her relationship with him. Whether he knows about it or not, whether there's physical contact or not, doesn't make a jot of difference.

 

[edmundoab]

Originally posted by: 91TTZ
I've found that those who can't see that things like this lead to cheating simply lack perception. Any guy who isn't 21 and has some intelligence and life experience knows that these things eventually lead to cheating.

While you may correctly state that every step until now hasn't been cheating, the bottom line is that the direction has lead that way and all signs were pointing that way.

"I'm not cheating, I'm just flirting with him at work"
"I'm not cheating, I'm just talking to him on the telephone after work"
"I'm not cheating, we're just going out to lunch on Saturday"
"I'm not cheating, we're just going out to dinner Friday night"
"I'm not cheating, we're just going to see a movie"
"I'm not cheating, we just kissed, like friends, that's it"

Seriously, when do you take a hint and realize where this is going?

bingo!, thats what I am referring to... the thin line, unless u know where to draw it

 

[91TTZ]

Originally posted by: huesmann

Originally posted by: SaturnX
Yeah she is.. how would you like it if you had a girlfriend and she was spending evenings, and dinners with some other guy...

--Mark

What if it was with one of her girlfriends?

That's not the same if she's straight. You're leaving out the element of sexual attraction in your example.

If I was a girl whose lesbian girlfriend was going out with one of her girlfriends, then I'd be suspicious since the element of sexual attraction is added to the mix.

Normally with straight people, 2 people of the same sex will only get so close before they feel uneasy about getting any closer- you don't need to worry about them getting sexual. But when you have 2 people of the opposite sex, the natural sexual attraction will draw them closer and closer. It's just instinct. If the people are homosexual, then that attraction may exist between 2 people of the same sex.

 

[huesmann]

Who said anything about there being any sexual attraction here? They hung out, that's all.

 

[Rock Hydra]

Yeah, I would say that's borderline cheating.

 

[MercenaryForHire]

Originally posted by: Feneant2
I am close with our student at work

Red alert. She can scream rape/sexual harassment/abuse at any given time, since it sounds like you're in a position of authority.

- M4H

 

[91TTZ]

Originally posted by: huesmann
Who said anything about there being any sexual attraction here? They hung out, that's all.

How naive.

You have 2 straight people of the opposite sex which flirt with each other and see no problem hanging out alone after work.

Can you really not see the writing on the wall?