Can friendship survive a wealth divide?

[vi edit]

Like others said, it takes some empathy on the higher income side and it takes some modesty from the low income side to not be a mooch all the time.

I had a household income *MUCH* higher than several of my friends. Almost twice as skewed as the numbers in the OP. But it never affected us. When I went over I always brought the 12 pack of beer, usually bought the pizza, ect. It was never expected or assumed I would. I knew I was in a better situation so I gladly took care of that part. They opened their house to me, and we always had a great time and that was easily worth the cost of admission.

I'd never expect them to ante up tickets to an expensive concert or get pissy if they didn't buy baby gifts. Laughs and conversations are free. And that's what a lot of the expected contribution to a friendship is.

 

[destrekor]

Like others said, it takes some empathy on the higher income side and it takes some modesty from the low income side to not be a mooch all the time.

I had a household income *MUCH* higher than several of my friends. Almost twice as skewed as the numbers in the OP. But it never affected us. When I went over I always brought the 12 pack of beer, usually bought the pizza, ect. It was never expected or assumed I would. I knew I was in a better situation so I gladly took care of that part. They opened their house to me, and we always had a great time and that was easily worth the cost of admission.

I'd never expect them to ante up tickets to an expensive concert or get pissy if they didn't buy baby gifts. Laughs and conversations are free. And that's what a lot of the expected contribution to a friendship is.

That's how you know you have good friends, or a good healthy friendship: when their presence is respected and cherished more than any personal contributions, and that's exclusive of who has what level of income.

If anything gets in the way of that, then it was never a strong friendship that was going to last the ages and bridge time and distance.

 

[ultimatebob]

Sure, I have a friend with two kids that only pulls down $30K a year. It doesn't impact our friendship much, but you can bet that I'll try to grab the check when we go out to eat.

Amusingly, he's in a better financial position than I am, mostly because his wife is thrifty and doesn't spend money like a drunken sailor when payday arrives.

 

[Exterous]

Like others said, it takes some empathy on the higher income side and it takes some modesty from the low income side to not be a mooch all the time.

I had a household income *MUCH* higher than several of my friends. Almost twice as skewed as the numbers in the OP. But it never affected us. When I went over I always brought the 12 pack of beer, usually bought the pizza, ect. It was never expected or assumed I would. I knew I was in a better situation so I gladly took care of that part. They opened their house to me, and we always had a great time and that was easily worth the cost of admission.

I'd never expect them to ante up tickets to an expensive concert or get pissy if they didn't buy baby gifts. Laughs and conversations are free. And that's what a lot of the expected contribution to a friendship is.

:thumbsup: It's entirely possible but both people have to not be dicks\idiots about it

 

[Tweak155]

I have a friend like that right now. When we started we were about equal, but now it's a sizable gap. It's never been a real issue.

 

[Fingolfin269]

It obviously depends on the people and whatever the common bond was that made you friends in the first place. I make a good amount more than one of my good friends and I cover that divide by stating "I'm coming over. I've got a 6-pack of good stuff to start with and a 12-pack of the better stuff (Natty) when we're done with that."

What divide can't be conquered over a few bottles of Natural Light?

 

[midwestfisherman]

Can somebody making $120k a year be friends with someone making $35k a year?

Stupid question

 

[purbeast0]

Stupid question

what do you expect from a stupid OP?

 

[midwestfisherman]

what do you expect from a stupid OP?

lol

 

[Spungo]

Forget income differences. The real difference is in spending. A guy who likes spending money can't be friends with someone who is ruthlessly cheap. It doesn't matter if the big spender makes $50k and the cheap bastard is Warren Buffet. It won't work if one guy wants to do expensive things and the other guy is saying "I don't know. I would rather save that money. I have a few stocks I'm keeping an eye on, and I need to get my cash reserves back up to 20%..."

I'm a very cheap person, and I get along really well with poor people because their lifestyle matches mine. I'm an engineer, so I'm not exactly poor.

 

[ALIVE]

Can somebody making $120k a year be friends with someone making $35k a year?

when there is a difference
it all comes down how normal is the richer person

if he all the time is talking how much his makes how much is going to spend
you know being completely ...
then no one will stick around to listen to them
okey occasional talking is okey but all the time is a no no

also the richer person must understand that the capabilities of the other person to spent money. you can not ask the other to meet you in an expensive restaurant or club for drinks
while you can afford to pay the other will not

Onassis was rich and left a legacy also had lots of friends who talked about him
he was the one he was paying everything because he was the one that could afford it
if you want a friend of you to be next to you you will have to pay for him
because he simple can not

if you do not want to do that
then you are the one that puts money before friendship and you will destroy it

and be be clear i am not talking the poor one comes and saying give me money to pay this or that
i am saying if you want your friend out with you in an expensive club you have to pay the drinks plain or simple
or you go out with him in a normal bar so he can afford to pay for his own

 

[brianmanahan]

when there is a difference
it all comes down how normal is the richer person

for example, is he buying diesel or 7 for all mankind jeans?

if so, then it's never gonna work

 

[ALIVE]

for example, is he buying diesel or 7 for all mankind jeans?

if so, then it's never gonna work

lol
if what you wear makes you a different person then yes it would matter

my clothes i choose according to what i like to wear
and cloth quality

which means even if you give me a designer super expensive clothes that does not fit in the 2 rules above i will not wear them plain and simple

being told that
i bought some clothes an average more expensive form others
and some clothes cheaper than the others

but if the rest of you
how you act and think is defined by what you wear
sure then it will be a problem

 

[Attic]

Only if the poor guy gets to bang the rich guys wives.

 

[maddogchen]

sure it can!

we just don't gamble at the same tables. They're off to the $50-100 minimums and I'm still at the $5 ones.

Or go to the same restaurants. They go themselves to the expensive steakhouses where its $50-$100 a steak, shipped from Japan. I stay at home. But they still come over for BBQ at my place.

When they ask me to loan them money cuz they're broke, I just say f-off! we're still friends.

 

[ElFenix]

i have a friend that probably makes 10x what i do. doesn't seem to matter much.

 

[ALIVE]

and to finish the discussion
open dictionary see what friendship means
then answer your question

by the way the word is raped every day
from everyone
we do not have friends we have people we know
people we talk with

with the definition of friendship how many in our life we can call them that???

from lower to higher

people we see
people we say 1¡2 words
people that have discussions
people that we hang around
friends

calling someone you meet friend is your problem of miss using the word
and then of course you can say
he is a bad friend!!!!!!!
or ask question like this one friends and difference in income lol

the educational system in usa really pay off
to produce idiot uneducated people that do not even speak the language of the country
and there the fun starts
and the stupid questions

 

[AMCRambler]

Wife had a friend who made much less than us. We would always pay her part when she came out with us because we enjoyed her company and understood she could not afford to go out with us if we didn't. She never took advantage of us and is still our good friend to this day. Who knows, some day she could become a millionaire and might return the favor. Honestly though to me money is a means of survival. At a certain point you make enough to live comfortably and have a few nice things. I don't need a $2 million dollar house to be happy. A little more money means more fancy toys but for me it's about enjoying those things with family and friends.

 

[MongGrel]

Sure, I have a friend with two kids that only pulls down $30K a year. It doesn't impact our friendship much, but you can bet that I'll try to grab the check when we go out to eat.

Amusingly, he's in a better financial position than I am, mostly because his wife is thrifty and doesn't spend money like a drunken sailor when payday arrives.

/salute.

I've always had a few friends come down here to Florida in the past, taking the kids to Busch Gardens or Disney that were making less money at the time. Have plenty of room in the house.

We have no kids, I always grabbed the check, was fun doing things like that.

Things are a bit rough at the moment, hopefully will change.

 

[shortylickens]

Ask Larry David:


https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B007HHACF2/ref=pd_cbs__2

 

[child of wonder]

A friend who's my age (36) that I've known for over 15 years hasn't really had his career take off and one night while drinking was adamant about knowing what I made. Having been good friends for so long I figured what was the harm. When I told him he went into a hissy fit and began berating himself for not being more successful then proceeded to call me "Mr.Moneybags."

Lesson learned.

What about parents? At first I used to tell them what I made just because I wanted them to be proud but now I keep it from them, too.

 

[madoka]

Forget income differences. The real difference is in spending. A guy who likes spending money can't be friends with someone who is ruthlessly cheap.

I think they can.

I spend money like a drunken sailor on shore leave. This week I spent $6K on electronics, $8K on guns/ammo, etc. I own multiple homes, have a quarter million in cars, and make enough to put me in the 1%.

My best friend has been unemployed for the past few years. He has always been thrifty, but now is in penny pinching mode.

Still we talk and hang out without skipping a beat. Our income and spending differences haven't played much into our relationship.

 

[BurnItDwn]

35K and 120K can get along just fine and be great friends. They can bitch about women, then they can go fishing or play a round at the community golf course or have a drink and watch the game.

A lot of activities that friends do cost very little or nothing.

People with different finances can still have similar interests.

 

[zCypher]

Total nonsense. If you're actually friends then it doesn't matter at all. I've been the one with no money, and the one with money. It has never been a point of tension among anyone I care to consider a friend. Maybe people's definition of "friends" differs...

 

[Red Squirrel]

Can't see why not as long as the rich guy is not bragging about it or the normal salary guy is not hinting or asking for money.