Bush names Rumsfeld as new Pope

[Bowfinger]

Originally posted by: rickn

Originally posted by: computerpro3
No, I'm not a walking encyclopedia, I just know of a nifty little site called Google, unlike some people. And I don't insult others when I can't support my position with facts which can be found from a .67 second (according to google) search.

And the fact that you would bring male sexual organs in out of the blue lead me to believe that you are either:

1. Homosexual and talking about the death of one of the world's most respected people and Times "Man of the Year 1993" makes you horny to the point of obsessing over dicks

or

2. Depressed about having a small penis

I made no comment about dicks at all, you're the one that brought it up. Hell, go use the site called Google I just told you about and you'll see that psycologists agree with me.


EDIT: Actually, you're right, my IQ is 5x the size of my dick. Considering my IQ is 130ish on most tests, do the math which I guess you're incapable of doing since you insinuated that I have a high iq and small dick, and my dick comes out to be precisely 26.4 inches.

Thanks for the compliment.

there are 1.1 billion catholics, and the population is the united states is close to 300 million. I suggest you invest $5 in a calculator

Calculator? One would think with a "130ish" IQ, one could do 10*280 million (or 1.1B/10) in one's head. I'd suggest a BS-suppressant (Beano?) and a sense of humor instead.

 

[BBond]

The situation just keeps getting worse.

AFN News Update

Sunday April 3, 2005

The Papal Coronation of Donald Rumsfeld

Vatican City -- The 117 "Princes of the Church" eligible to elect a pope are already on their way to Rome, Vatican sources have said.

But the Sacred College of Cardinals, in what Vatican scholars can only refer to as an unprecedented move in the over 2,000 year history of the Roman Catholic Church, has agreed to honor -- by unanimous pre-emptive vote -- George W. Bush's appointment of Donald Rumsfeld as Pope Terrifying the Last.

Pope Terrifying the Last will be greeted with flowers and cheers upon his arrival at Vatican City today, according to a Pentagon press release.

The SCoC at first vociferously opposed Bush's neocon inspired Vatican regime change but quickly relented after the Bush administration's Secretary of State, Condoleeza Rice, appeared before the UN Security Council to present U.S. intelligence information, recently released by Bush's new intelligence czar, John Negroponte, showing what appears to be mobile holy water labs spotted by U.S. satellite reconaissance along the perimeter of Saint Peter's Square.

Further, the existence of documents mentioning yellow cake, suspected to have been obtained at some point through an unnamed foreign bakery by a member of the Vatican's Helvetian Swiss Guard, appears to strengthen the Bush administration's charge that the Vatican may have indeed attempted to acquire nuclear weapons capability.

"We cannot afford to wait until the threat comes in the form of a canole," Rice warned the Security Counsel.

Bush also reminded the world that the Catholic Church had indeed tortured and killed their own people as recently as the Spanish Inquisition. "America refuses to stand by and do nothing while innocent Catholics are suffering at the hands of their despotic leaders. We cannot ignore the threat posed to the entire universe by this Vatican. Let freedom reign," Bush said.

Pope Terrifying the Last's first official act, on advice from his new Vatican Counsel, U.S. AG Alberto Gonzalez, will be to dissolve what AG Gonzalez has referred to as the now "quaint and obsolete" Holy See as well as the Sacred College of Cardinals, which it has been rumored has provided material support to terrorist organizations worldwide.

Pope Terrifying explained these moves by repeating his oft stated belief that America's goals should never be encumbered by any pretext of the existence of a "higher authority" either here on Earth or in Heaven. Allowing what Pope Terrifying reffered to as such "blashpemy" could conceivably lead to problems implementing decisions made during Bush's God approved world rule.

Pope Terrifying also announced that he will confer on Bush the Doctrine of Papal Infallability so that all future decisions made by Bush, as well as all previous decisions no matter how costly they may have been in lives, limbs, U.S. reputation, or tax dollars, can now be recognized as the perfect will of George W. Bush and God -- and therefore always right and sacrosanct.