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Bunch of southern jokes

T

thedarkwolf

Diamond Member


Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Georgia to 25?

It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools! (With one exception, you know who you are.)
==========================================
What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Mississippi?

A documentary.
==========================================
Where was the toothbrush invented?

Mississippi. If it was invented anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush.
==========================================
A Mississippi State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-55. He says to the driver,
"Got any ID?"

The driver says, "Bout What?"
==========================================
Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Texas State Lottery?

The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.
==========================================
Why did O.J. Simpson want to move to West Virginia?

Everyone has the same DNA.
==========================================
Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Little Rock, Arkansas burned down?

Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park.
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What's the best thing to ever come out of Arkansas?

I-40.
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Two Mississippians are walking down different ends of a street toward each other, and one is carrying a sack.
When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray,what'cha got in th' bag?"

"Jus' some chickens."

"If I guesses how many they are, can I have one?

"Shoot, ya guesses right and I'll give you both of them."

"OK, Ummmmmm.....five?"
==========================================
What does a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas, and a hurricane in Florida have in common?

Somebody's fixin' to lose them a trailer.
==========================================
A Mississippian came home and found his house on fire, he rushed next door, telephoned the fire department
and shouted, "Hurry over here, my house is on fire!"

"OK," replied the fireman, "How do we get there?"

"Shucks, don't you still have those big red trucks?"
==========================================
Why do folks in Kentucky go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?

Cuz 17 and under not admitted.
==========================================
Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911.

The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.

Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."

The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"

There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up
there?"
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How do you tell if a Bama cheerleader is a level-haided gal?
Cuz the chew juice runs out both sides of her mouth at the same time.
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A Southern brunette goes to her doctor and tells the doctor that her body hearts all over whenever she touches
it. The doctor doesn't understand, so the brunette explains. She touches her arm, screams in pain. Next, she
touches her leg, and shows pain. Her shoulder, side, hips, and so forth.

The Doctor looks at her and says, "You're not really a brunette. You are a blond."

The girs says "How did you know?"

The doctor replies, "Your finger is broken."
============================================
Once I was on I-85 near Auburn, Ala. going home toward Georgia. A big red Dodge pickup flashed past me,
followed by 3 Alabama trooper cars in a high speed chase. Soon all 4 vehicles were out of sight.
I stopped at the last exit for a coffee onload/offload and ran into the same 3 troopers filling out their paperwork.
I asked what happened.

"Well, we chased that ol' boy clear to the Georgia line. Once he crossed it, we knowed we'd never of catched
up."

"Why's that?" sez I.

"Dang, boy, ain't it plain? Because, when he crossed into the Georgia time zone, he gained a whole hour ahead
of us."
==============================================

A honeymoon couple is in the Watergate Hotel in Washington. The bride is concerned - "What if the place is still
bugged?"

The groom says "I'll look for a bug."

He looks behind the drapes, behind the pictures, under the rug "AHA!"
Under the rug was a disc with four screws. He gets his Swiss army knife, unscrews the screws, throws them and
the disc out the window.

The next morning, the hotel manager asks the newlyweds a few questions: "How was your room?"; "How was
the service?"; "How was your stay at the Watergate Hotel?"

The groom says, "Why are you asking me all of these questions?"

The hotel manager says "Well, the room UNDER you complained of the chandelier falling on them."
 
Just keep repeating these to yourself, darkidiot, so that you'll never decide to move down there and corrupt my beautiful Dixie with your prejediced and ignorant drivel.
 
A Southern brunette goes to her doctor and tells the doctor that her body hearts all over


ROFLMAO
 


<< and tells the doctor that her body hearts >>



you mean hurts...i know they have public school in alberta. try attending more.

hehe

end rant.

edit: awe beat me to it.
 
How to be a complete and utter idiot:

Discriminate and stereotype Southerners by labeling them as people who discriminate and stereotype.

 
bigbooty: So I guess blonde jokes are ok, but southern jokes aren't? You jumped right into that blonde thread going around earlier.
 
Static: in Rio's defense, it does get old, stereotypical jokes are only funny to people who arent being stereotyped. There arent many of these jokes that we havent heard. At least be creative and think up some new ones.
 
genocide and palad -

Could you two imagine what would happen if I posted a string of jokes about N (derogatory slang for black people), and then came back and said &quot;Are you a N? Then why are you offended?&quot;

If either of you had grown up with the stigma of being a racist, uneducated hick, maybe you would understand. I have gone to academic conferences and had people guffaw when they learned where I grew up. I CONSTANTLY hear my own group stereotyped as racists by people who have never once encountered a black person in their own community, or lived in a legitimately integrated neighborhood.

I spent FIVE YEARS of my life working in a program to help disadvantaged black children in the Mississippi Delta, yet because I am from Mississippi, I am considered a racist and an uneducated hick by people with no degrees, and no history of ANY efforts to improve the lives of people around them. In fact many (if not most) of these accusations come from people who have no qualms at all with ridiculing Latin people.

Please don't get me wrong. This is anything but a whine. I can take of myself, and I DO. I'm just giving you this information in the slim hope that you *might* understand people other than yourself this once.

One last thing - my point above was not about how stereotyping makes you an idiot. It was about the fact that the person is stereotyping and ridiculing a group of people for doing the very thing he does in his post - stereotyping.
 
I understand the racist thing, but that's an unfair judgement of an entire group based entirely on their race, and not what they do. Now when it comes to jokes like blonde jokes or in this case hick jokes, they're based on extreme cases of the lifestyle. He wasn't saying all southerners were stupid, he was just saying that the really dumb ones are...really dumb 🙂 This could go for any region as well, not just the south. There's something about every area that someone can poke fun of, it just so happens that places like the south draw the most attention.
 
genocide: haha, nice try. The term southerners refers to EVERYONE living in a region of this country, not just extreme examples. I just want to point out that I am from the north, living in the south. I would not in move back north for any amount of money. The people in the south actually have a decent set of morals *gasp* and are very friendly *gasp*.
 


<< He wasn't saying all southerners were stupid, he was just saying that the really dumb ones are...really dumb 🙂 >>



Yes, and not all Mexican people are lazy, just the really lazy ones are...really lazy, right?

And not all Jewish people are stingy, just the really stingy ones are...really stingy, right?

 
genocide: rednecks is also a deragatory term. I guess some people can never break their habits. I dare to say that I know alot of these &quot;rednecks&quot; that make alot more money than you do and have alot more intelligence than you do. While I am on a rant, let me point out that boston has got to be one of the biggest armpits of the entire US.


P.S. this is my 999th post woohoo!
 
Can nobody take a little joke? You could easily turn all of those jokes around and make them Yankee jokes.

<<Ok, the title says &quot;southern&quot; jokes, but the jokes are clearly aimed at dumb rednecks>>

Exactly, and there are just as many yankee rednecks as southern rednecks.

BTW, I'm from North Carolina, and by and large, we don't consider West Virginia part of the South. They are a region of their own. 😉
 


<< Yes, and not all Mexican people are lazy, just the really lazy ones are...really lazy, right?

And not all Jewish people are stingy, just the really stingy ones are...really stingy, right? >>


Yup and Yup. And warcleric, are you looking to pick a fight or anything? I never said anything to blatently piss you off - lay off. I never said anything bad here - its just that you guys wanna take offense to dumb jokes. If you wanna take it to the head like that, be my guest. I just laugh it off like I laugh a good Italian joke off. I'm Italian and there's loads of jokes out there about us. Do I start pissing and moaning if someone tells a joke? No, I laugh - CAUSE IT'S FUNNY. All you guys wanna get all PC and say &quot;don't do that&quot;, it's friggin rediculous... get real
 
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