brother blog

meltdown75

Lifer
Nov 17, 2004
37,548
7
81
well... i just want to throw this out there. a short story of trying to help my bro out...

back in February i let my brother move into my basement, rent and expenses-free. He had no job and no money at the time. I make a decent buck and could provide meals and a roof over his head. He was living at my Dad's place, and my Dad was pretty hard on him every day, asking him "what the hell are you doing today? how's that job search going?"... not in a supportive tone either.

So his and my Dad's relationship started to go south and I didn't want it to erode completely or have lasting negative feelings. I live alone, I am divorced, so I thought I could use the company for a while until he found a job. So I offered him my basement and eventually he took me up on it.

Now he's moving out and it seems like it's because he can't take living there. Over the past couple months, I have nagged him a few times... don't leave piss sprinkles on the toilet seat (apprently he wasn't lifting it to piss?), don't load the dishwasher like you're 5 years old, don't wash the towels if you can't do it right, etc... just normal roommate-type stuff. He also seems to be devoid of manners and / or gratitude (I cook him dinner every night and he never says thanks).

He ended up getting a job at a local factory.. it pays $20/hr which is decent enough. He is 33 and I was starting to worry that he was going to stretch my short-term stay offer into something longer. I always said to him that his goal should be getting his own place. He offered to pay me rent and I said that I'd rather him save up for his own first/last somewhere.

Last night he got home from work (he's on afternoons) and he was really loud and woke me up. I told him to try to not be super loud when he comes home late. His reply was that he's going to rent a room somewhere else.

So I kind of feel like a dick... but at the same time, I think it's important that he gets out on his own and gets his own place. Working is part of life... he should get into that routine and start being independent.

/blog, comments are welcome
 

vshah

Lifer
Sep 20, 2003
19,003
24
81
that's what you wanted isn't it. better for all if he moves out i think. you're not being a dick, you've been providing for him this whole time. whether or not he chooses to be overtly thankful is his deal, but now he's moving out and supporting himself... that's a good thing as I see it, and you can have a less conflict filled relationship now.
 
Sep 7, 2009
12,960
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I've been in similar situations with family, and the 'entitlement' that some family members can feel is atrocious.
 

Kirby

Lifer
Apr 10, 2006
12,028
2
0
beat him with a hockey stick for not showing respect to your authoritah.

but yeah, i think it worked out for the best.
 

Beev

Diamond Member
Apr 20, 2006
7,775
0
0
I've been in similar situations with family, and the 'entitlement' that some family members can feel is atrocious.

This. A million times this. People think that just because they're family you HAVE to put up with them. Fuck that noise.

Don't feel like a dick, meltdown. You provided him with a place to stay and free meals too. If the little jerk can't be gracious then fuck him.
 

blackdogdeek

Lifer
Mar 14, 2003
14,453
10
81
he's 33? you shouldn't feel like a dick for trying to teach him how to be an independent adult. i know you can't help how you feel but as a parent i can empathize with you. sometimes you have to move out of your comfort zone in order to prepare your children for the real world because your job isn't to be your children's friend, it's to be their parent. it would be great to be able to be both, but that isn't always possible.
 

nakedfrog

No Lifer
Apr 3, 2001
62,937
19,175
136
Have you dropped a "Cool story, bro" on him while he's been living there? You've got the perfect setup.

Anyway, yeah, you're not a dick for this.
 

Ksyder

Golden Member
Feb 14, 2006
1,829
1
81
I'm sure he feels bad about having to live with family anyways... sounds like a good move for him to leave as it is.
 

xanis

Lifer
Sep 11, 2005
17,571
8
0
If someone was giving me a rent-free place to live and cooking dinner for me every night, I'd be doing everything I could to show my appreciation and make their life as easy as possible. You're not a dick.
 

SandEagle

Lifer
Aug 4, 2007
16,809
13
0
u live in canada. doesnt the government provide housing for brokeasses? $20/hr in canada is damn good considering free healf care. btw, u are a total dick.
 

xanis

Lifer
Sep 11, 2005
17,571
8
0
u live in canada. doesnt the government provide housing for brokeasses? $20/hr in canada is damn good considering free healf care. btw, u are a total dick.

Do you try to be retarded, or does it just come naturally?
 

DaTT

Garage Moderator
Moderator
Feb 13, 2003
13,295
122
106
u live in canada. doesnt the government provide housing for brokeasses? $20/hr in canada is damn good considering free healf care. btw, u are a total dick.

Your post confuses me. And your grammar and spelling are sub par to that of third grader.
 

DaTT

Garage Moderator
Moderator
Feb 13, 2003
13,295
122
106
Just ask him if he thinks you came off as a douche. I don't see it that you did, but ask him. Regardless if he is ungrateful of your hospitality, you don't want hardships within the family, especially a sibling.
 

meltdown75

Lifer
Nov 17, 2004
37,548
7
81
i told him he could stay until the end of May, regardless...

he is outta there though. sounds like within the next couple weeks, he'll be gone.

re: sense of entitlement... yeah, he's got it, bad. he is the youngest of 4 kids, has been babied all along, my Mom bought him his vehicle and pays his insurance for him... within the past several years, he has developed a massive chip on his shoulder because everything didn't come easy to him...

interestingly enough he had a full-time job with benefits and his own place in a city a couple hours away, and he just tossed it aside like trash because he thought he should be in sport management or some shit.

he'll find his way. i guess i did all i could. he went from my Mom's place, to my Dad's, and finally to my basement... it's time he tries life on his own again, and the free rides stop. 33 is certainly old enough for that to begin again.
 

NoCreativity

Golden Member
Feb 28, 2008
1,735
62
91
You aren't the dick. You did a good thing which he will eventually appreciate.

Had the exact same situation with my best friend except we were the ones who had to kick him out. He wasn't about to leave under his own initiative.
 

SunnyD

Belgian Waffler
Jan 2, 2001
32,675
146
106
www.neftastic.com
Dude, you're being a fucking woman! Man up and piss on the toilet seat! Mark your territory!

Dishes are for WOMEN to clean.

And for the love of god, what man gives a shit what color the towels are!!!

MAN THE FUCK UP!
 

Pliablemoose

Lifer
Oct 11, 1999
25,195
0
56
Nah, you're right, some people need to work up a head of steam to do anything in their lives, sounds like he's one of them.

"Damn that Melty, I need to get my own place to get away from him..." Works for him better than the self dialog of "I'm a grown up and should learn how to do laundry, not piss on the toilet seat, maybe cook a meal for myself & bro..."
 

Elbryn

Golden Member
Sep 30, 2000
1,213
0
0
i thought this was gonna be a parody thread. it sounded alot like that other post with the step father who's wow playing stepson was going to get kicked out with all the renovations.
 

meltdown75

Lifer
Nov 17, 2004
37,548
7
81
Dude, you're being a fucking woman! Man up and piss on the toilet seat! Mark your territory!

Dishes are for WOMEN to clean.

And for the love of god, what man gives a shit what color the towels are!!!

MAN THE FUCK UP!

haha :) well the dishes should be loaded to maximize the amount you can wash at once, to save on water and energy costs. the towels should be washed with like towels, on the hot / cold setting - not thrown in with random clothes and dirty hockey laundry... that way they don't come out smelling like they're still dirty :)

i used to live with a nazi... she rubbed off on me considerably (lol that sounds funny but whatever)... :D

i prefer to think of myself as already "housebroken" :D
 

ichy

Diamond Member
Oct 5, 2006
6,940
8
81
interestingly enough he had a full-time job with benefits and his own place in a city a couple hours away, and he just tossed it aside like trash because he thought he should be in sport management or some shit.

I'd always be there for a family member who'd suffered a genuine misfortune, but if they did something stupid like that I'd never let them move into my place in the first place.
 

SunnyD

Belgian Waffler
Jan 2, 2001
32,675
146
106
www.neftastic.com
haha :) well the dishes should be loaded to maximize the amount you can wash at once, to save on water and energy costs. the towels should be washed with like towels, on the hot / cold setting - not thrown in with random clothes and dirty hockey laundry... that way they don't come out smelling like they're still dirty :)

i used to live with a nazi... she rubbed off on me considerably (lol that sounds funny but whatever)... :D

i prefer to think of myself as already "housebroken" :D

So I see the board denied your request to have your man card reinstated then? :\

You really are a woman. Pics?
 
Sep 7, 2009
12,960
3
0
haha :) well the dishes should be loaded to maximize the amount you can wash at once, to save on water and energy costs. the towels should be washed with like towels, on the hot / cold setting - not thrown in with random clothes and dirty hockey laundry... that way they don't come out smelling like they're still dirty :)

i used to live with a nazi... she rubbed off on me considerably (lol that sounds funny but whatever)... :D

i prefer to think of myself as already "housebroken" :D



IMO there really isn't anything wrong with either of your "roommate tendencies". When you have two people living together the clean one will get screwed. I am usually the clean one so I can relate with you on that..