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Best Bar joke.
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A guy walks into a bar and notices a large jar full of $10 bills in it. He asks the bartender whats that for. Bartender tells him if he pays $10 and does 3 things he can keep it all. The guys says okay pays the $10 and says what are they. Bartender says
1st you have to drink a gallon of red pepper tequila and not make a face.
2nd there is a pit bull in the alley that has a toothace, you have to pull it out.
3rd there is a 90 year old lady upstairs who has never had an orgasm, go make things right for her.
guy takes the gallon of tequila and just starts chugging, the whole time crying his eyes out but didn't make a face. Drunkenly everybody sees him stumble out into the alley where everybody hears this awfull screaming and yelping of the dog. After about 10 min of this the guy walks back in and says "okay where is the old lady with the tooth ache"
1st you have to drink a gallon of red pepper tequila and not make a face.
2nd there is a pit bull in the alley that has a toothace, you have to pull it out.
3rd there is a 90 year old lady upstairs who has never had an orgasm, go make things right for her.
guy takes the gallon of tequila and just starts chugging, the whole time crying his eyes out but didn't make a face. Drunkenly everybody sees him stumble out into the alley where everybody hears this awfull screaming and yelping of the dog. After about 10 min of this the guy walks back in and says "okay where is the old lady with the tooth ache"
weezergirl
Diamond Member
not sure if someone posted this one but...
2 guys walk into a bar, the 3rd one ducks. har har.
2 guys walk into a bar, the 3rd one ducks. har har.
Demon-Xanth
Lifer
There are two guys sitting at a bar at the top of a sky scraper and one turns to the other and says "Because of the wind currents, if you jump off you'll fly into the 8th story window."
The other guy says "yeah, right."
So the first guy jumps off, falls all the way, and then ends up right in the 8th story window.
He takes the elevator up and the second guy says "no way, that had to be a fluke"
So the first guy does it again.
He comes up again and the second guy just has to try it.
So he falls all the way and splatters himself on the pavement.
The bartender looks at the first guy and says "You know Superman, you're a real a$$hole when you're drunk."
The other guy says "yeah, right."
So the first guy jumps off, falls all the way, and then ends up right in the 8th story window.
He takes the elevator up and the second guy says "no way, that had to be a fluke"
So the first guy does it again.
He comes up again and the second guy just has to try it.
So he falls all the way and splatters himself on the pavement.
The bartender looks at the first guy and says "You know Superman, you're a real a$$hole when you're drunk."
A frog walked into an Irish bar and sat down. He then asked to use the phone so he could call his Dad, Mick Jagger. The bartender kept refusing on the grounds that the phone was only for employees. After this went on for a few minutes..one of the bar patrons got tired of it, slapped the bartender and said, "Whick Whack, Paddy Mac, give the frog the phone. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
Not sure where I heard that one!
Not sure where I heard that one!
911paramedic
Diamond Member
A hot dog walks into a bar and orders a beer, the bartender says "we don't serve food here"
A polar bear walks into a bar, he goes to the barman and asks,"Can i have a gin and...............................................................................................................................................................................tonic" The barman replies,"Why the great paws?'🙂
guyver01
Lifer
my favorite of all time bar joke:
A duck walks into a bar, goes to the bartender, and says, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender says, "No, this is a bar, of course we don't have any grapes".
The next day, the duck walks into the bar, goes up to the bartender, and says, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender says, "I told you yesterday, 'no, we don't have any grapes.' So the duck leaves.
The next day, the duck walks into the bar, goes up to the bartender, and says, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender says, "I told you yesterday, 'no, we don't have any grapes.' If you come in here one more time asking for grapes, I'm going to nail your beak to that bar!"
The next day, the duck walks into the bar, goes up to the bartender, and asks, "Do you have any nails?" The bartender says, "No, this is a bar, of course we don't have any nails". Then the duck says, "Do you have any grapes?"
A duck walks into a bar, goes to the bartender, and says, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender says, "No, this is a bar, of course we don't have any grapes".
The next day, the duck walks into the bar, goes up to the bartender, and says, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender says, "I told you yesterday, 'no, we don't have any grapes.' So the duck leaves.
The next day, the duck walks into the bar, goes up to the bartender, and says, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender says, "I told you yesterday, 'no, we don't have any grapes.' If you come in here one more time asking for grapes, I'm going to nail your beak to that bar!"
The next day, the duck walks into the bar, goes up to the bartender, and asks, "Do you have any nails?" The bartender says, "No, this is a bar, of course we don't have any nails". Then the duck says, "Do you have any grapes?"
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