if they are following anything with the traditional way, the groom is supposed to give you a gift equal or close to the price of the tux rental. so you might break even at the end. its your cousin, blood is thicker than water, dude!
HomeBrewerDude
Lifer
- Jan 18, 2001
- 14,465
- 1
- 0
i think its a cultural difference.
i am vietnamese and all of the vietnamese people that i know that have been married always pay for the tuxes and dresses for the groomsmen and bridesmaid. i did that also when i got married to my wife. the tuxes were a small part of the wedding budges. the bridesmaid dresses cost us about $300/pop and thats with 6 bridesmaid.
now, the white friends/acquaintances that i've spoken to, its about a 15-25% say they pay for the clothes, and the remaining says that the wedding party pays for it on their own.
it's expected in the vietnamese culture that the bride and groom pays for these costs.
i am vietnamese and all of the vietnamese people that i know that have been married always pay for the tuxes and dresses for the groomsmen and bridesmaid. i did that also when i got married to my wife. the tuxes were a small part of the wedding budges. the bridesmaid dresses cost us about $300/pop and thats with 6 bridesmaid.
now, the white friends/acquaintances that i've spoken to, its about a 15-25% say they pay for the clothes, and the remaining says that the wedding party pays for it on their own.
it's expected in the vietnamese culture that the bride and groom pays for these costs.
nakedfrog
No Lifer
- Apr 3, 2001
- 63,120
- 19,442
- 136
Not true, I sympathize with him and agree he shouldn't have to pay for it. In the wedding I was in, the bride wanted the groomsmen to pay to rent their tuxes, but the groom disagreed and paid for them. He took the commonsense standpoint of "why should they have to pay to be in our wedding?"
$130 is hardly "nickels and dimes"
It is compared to the cost of a wedding. $130 wouldn't have paid for dinner for you and your date at my wedding. So yeah, when I'm giving you and a date 2 meals, open bar, a night of dancing, and a gift of your own that is valued similar to what you had to pay for the tux, $130 is nickels and dimes.
In the case of a shoestring wedding, even more so.
If you don't want to do it, just don't do it.
The entire point of this thread is that they are NOT following tradition, except where it doesn't directly affect THEIR budget. That is all I have been saying this entire thread! For the nth time, people: this has nothing to do with me breaking even. I paid the costs, and am helping to make the ceremony happen. I just think it's a stupid custom.
If stupid customs were allowed to continue unquestioned in perpetuity, the world would be MUCH different than it is today. But I'll leave that P&N flamebait right where I found it
ActuaryTm, I invite you to actually READ any of the posts I've made so far. How am I being cheap when I have already stated that I would simply make planned arrangements to cover EVERYTHING if I were the groom? How am I somehow not allowed to complain that somebody is tight with their own money yet loose as ever with everyone else's? If I invite a person with no money to eat at a restaurant, and they proceed to order one of everything on the menu, that is in poor taste. That is my point. This is not a traditional wedding where they are spending considerable sums of their own money on other aspects of the preparations.
So please re-read my responses so as not to look silly with your own (and yes, making assumptions about my motives without doing the due research does absolutely make you "look silly").
I feel your pain about expensive tux rentals. Sometime it seems the bride and groom don't even consider the cost when they pick a design. When my wife and I got married we tried to keep the cost of the rentals down for people. We applied the discounts we got to everyone, and really shopped around for the best price. Ended up getting it down to about $75 per person. A few months before that I had been in a friends wedding (who was also in mine), and the damn tux was $169!
i think a lot of times the groom/bride would love to cover their attentants fee's but 9 out of 10 times, its financially impossible.
All the people i know who stood up in wedddings knew they would have to pay certain things themselves, i.e. tux, gift, batchlor party/shower...
have not heard of the groom buying the mens tux rentals for them. Thats why the groom gives out gifts to the best man and groomsmen... to thank them for being there and for being a part of their special day.
All the people i know who stood up in wedddings knew they would have to pay certain things themselves, i.e. tux, gift, batchlor party/shower...
have not heard of the groom buying the mens tux rentals for them. Thats why the groom gives out gifts to the best man and groomsmen... to thank them for being there and for being a part of their special day.
Ask Emily Post; I didn't invent the "tradition." No one considers it "cheaping out" (except for a few random skinflints, apparently) because that's just the way it's done.
The meal is my mother's food which I could get everyday if I so chose assuming I go there instead of home after work.
There is no open bar. Well correction, there is, but the vast majority of the liquor is stuff that I purchased in the first place, as this is at my parents' home and my old home.
There will be no dancing to speak of. Music in the background during the reception perhaps, but certainly no room for a proper dance floor in this in-home wedding.
There's no way the gift is going to be anything over $15 given their budget.
(I hate itemizing these things as it puts too much emphasis on the "what am I getting for $130" aspect, which is not my gripe... but there seems to be widespread confusion over what this wedding is shaping up to be. Your wedding/reception sounds to be traditional. This one is not.)
Shouldn't this be the other way around, even less so?
It's family, bearing all of the unspoken obligations that come along with it. And my mother is the wedding planner, so I see this as more of a nod to her than the couple. My mother agrees with me here, by the way, having had a non-traditional wedding herself.
Semantics. What I'm getting at is that if they can't afford a huge wedding, regardless of the reason, it's even more important for them to save anywhere they can. If your wedding budget is only $1000, buying everyone's attire will quickly exceed that budget. .
I think that's a regional thing...I had never heard of theat until recently, either, but that's just way too tacky. It's bad enough that inviting someone carries the implication that they owe you a gift.
I agree with you 100%. However, as I've said several times in above replies, what's so wrong with appearing in a good black suit over a tux in this non-traditional wedding? This doubly answers the question of how to conserve budget funds as well as how not to make others have to spend an unnecessary amount. The couple's own sensitivity to spending is what has me shocked at their apparent disregard for everyone else's sensitivity to spending. Case in point is the flower girl example I gave earlier.
I count my blessings everyday. Up to 3 times as much spent, to own one of these. :laugh:
Thankfully there's no way my mother/her wedding planner would let something like that happen in this case.
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