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Being in someone's wedding

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My sister got married a few months back. Of course I was going to attend, but, wasn't part of the wedding. About a month before she decides she feels bad for me because I'm the only one in the family who won't be a part of the wedding and she'd like me to wear a tux. Great. I was going to wear a suit, but, now ~$100 to rent a tux.

That and hosting family/friends, dinners, etc, ended up costing us probably $3-400 to attend her wedding. Plus wedding gift, etc.

Not cheap, but, oh well.
 
Originally posted by: AStar617
Originally posted by: tyim
Originally posted by: brigden
$130 is not even close to being half-way to owning a "decent tux." $130 isn't even half-way to owning a "decent" pair of shoes to wear with a tux.
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true. Stop by a Nordstrom.
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I beg to differ. The analogy here is as inaccurate as saying you need to visit a Benz or BMW dealership to own a "decent car" (and I actually do own a '92 525i). Do you also need a Radeon X800 to have a "decent video card", or a Clearaudio turntable to complete your "decent stereo"? There is effectively no limit on what you CAN spend. But that's certainly not to say that you MUST spend that in order to have something that is functional, durable, and stylish. Knocking anything that falls outside the "enthusiast" market is a bit much IMHO.
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You can't lump a suit or tuxedo in with your other examples. Trust me, $260 is not going to buy you a good-quality suit.
 
usually the gift the groom gives to his groomsmen includes a tux for the wedding. I did that plus a little $30-$50 gift for each of them.
 
The OP's "concern" is certainly warranted. All my friends tha have been married always paid for all the expenses for groomsman. I think that is the "right" thing to do.
 
Originally posted by: rh71
usually the gift the groom gives to his groomsmen includes a tux for the wedding.
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Uhhh, no. Any wedding I've been in or around the gift from the groom was a little knick knack from a "Things Remembered" stand. Never has it been a tux.
 
Originally posted by: kranky
Maybe it's a regional thing - of all the dozen or so weddings I've been in, I've never had my out-of-pocket expenses paid for by the bridal couple. Nor have I ever heard of anyone doing that.
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I fully recognize that tradition dictates the wedding party members pay for their own rental of cheap tuxes and purchase of ugly, unwearable-ever-again bridesmaid dresses, all of which is picked by the couple. Google pretty much confirms this with every hit. I am simply calling that tradition itself into question particularly in this so-called "non-traditional" wedding (if I hear her use that term one more time, I might lose it) where they are penny-pinching left and right. I am most upset with the couple's apparent lack of regard for everyone else's expenses.

Another example of this happened with the picking of the dress for the flower girl (another cousin's 2yr old daughter Jazmyn). For those who don't know, the parents of the flower girl are responsible for her expenses. Basically the bride went up to a rack at David's Bridal, thumbed through it for a sec, glanced at a dress and said, "Hmm, that's nice". First dress examined outside the rack was the one she chose, no price comparison whatsoever. $150 for the two-year old's soon-to-be-outgrown dress, when there is nothing particular about a flower girl's dress where it couldn't be had for much less at any other department store. Jazmyn's mother winced when she heard the figure but ate it, "just because". I just think that's wrong on so many levels. Would that dress still be considered a good purchase at $150 if it was coming out of the bride's warchest of $1000 saved for the entire affair?

That's the kind of stuff I take issue with.

Originally posted by: Mo0o
Well if you're that bent out of shape about it, why dont you just tell the couple that you need to them help pay for it because of whatever financial situation you're in?
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Because they are in a much tighter financial position than I am. Nowhere near destitute, but more a product of their own lack of preparedness. But mind you, my solution is not for them to overextend themselves even further--IMHO, the simple way around this would have been to ask the groom's party to wear black suits, but with matching accessories like ties, cufflinks, etc. so as to minimize expenses in this shoestring budget ceremony. It's the sheer principle of it all. Again, it doesn't spell my financial ruin, but this will ultimately cost me more than $130 due to my having to put the cost on a card that already has a balance.
 
Originally posted by: brigden
Originally posted by: AStar617
Originally posted by: tyim
Originally posted by: brigden
$130 is not even close to being half-way to owning a "decent tux." $130 isn't even half-way to owning a "decent" pair of shoes to wear with a tux.
Click to expand...

true. Stop by a Nordstrom.
Click to expand...

I beg to differ. The analogy here is as inaccurate as saying you need to visit a Benz or BMW dealership to own a "decent car" (and I actually do own a '92 525i). Do you also need a Radeon X800 to have a "decent video card", or a Clearaudio turntable to complete your "decent stereo"? There is effectively no limit on what you CAN spend. But that's certainly not to say that you MUST spend that in order to have something that is functional, durable, and stylish. Knocking anything that falls outside the "enthusiast" market is a bit much IMHO.
Click to expand...

You can't lump a suit or tuxedo in with your other examples. Trust me, $260 is not going to buy you a good-quality suit.
Click to expand...

*Sigh*

There can be a mile-wide difference between a cheap suit and an inexpensive suit. The first implies lack of quality, whereas the second only implies purchase cost. Let me say now, I despise "cheap" suits. This doesn't mean, however, that I paid through the nose to own several suits which will rival the cut and quality of any of your Nordstrom fare. And with particular respect to your sig, I own Armani suits myself (here's one) and, while I'm not mad that I made such purchases--Bimmer included--after the first little bit of money I came into, having worn some of "the best" I probably would not bother doing so again in light of other purchases I've since made. Definitely a top-notch garment, but not so indisputably superior as to fully justify the high cost, as I am not a brand-whore. Since you're on AT, I figure you have a pretty "decent" computer. Did you buy a prebuilt PC because "$1500 is not going to buy you a good-quality PC"? Somehow I doubt this. I suppose I can't get a decent shirt to go with my suits for under $100 either? Or do I need to post pics of my square-cut collar, french cuff shirts as well? 😕 The fact that you implied in your first post that decent shoes would run over $260 means you are either A) independently wealthy or B) spending more than you need to in order to look just as good as I do. 😉

Just because something (a suit, a car, whatever) costs three times more than another does not necessarily make it three times better. In reality, the law of diminishing returns comes into play here with suits and tuxedos just like anything else, and the graphed curve is a lot flatter on the far right than you might think when plotted out.

If you can't at least understand that, there's not much else to say. This is all a digression from the main point. I'm agreeing to disagree with you here, and moving on.
 
The shoes are also probably going to be agonizingly uncomfortable, if they're anything like the ones I got stuck with.
I hate suits and wish they would all die.
 
Originally posted by: nakedfrog
The shoes are also probably going to be agonizingly uncomfortable, if they're anything like the ones I got stuck with.
I hate suits and wish they would all die.
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The shoes are horrible. We had a choice between classic wingtips or squaretoes, and after seeing the elongated elven sh!tkickers they tried to pawn off on us, we all pretty much yelled out "square!" at the same time, sight unseen. 😀

Another pet peeve: tux rental store associates who, while smoking hot ( :thumbsup: ), couldn't measure the length of a yardstick if their lives depended on it. They put the groom in a jacket that I could tell he knew was too small but wasn't going to question. My mother is not so timid, and told him to flex his arms forward... he almost busted out of it like Lou Ferrigno. So when they came at me with the measuring tape, instead I just handed them my stats: "15-1/2 neck, 35 sleeve; 34 waist, 32 inseam; 40 long jacket, please". Only thing they had to take was outseam since they don't use inseam.
 
AStar, I guess by now you've realized your only recourse is to show up rip-roaring drunk and let them know just how you feel :beer: And then of course, :camera:
 
I spent close to $1k this last fall for airfare, hotel, tux, food, etc. but I had a good time, and it was really nice to see a good friend who deserved it be so happy. <- crappy grammar but you get the idea.

Try and recoup as much of your costs as possible at the open bar, and remember that the only responsibility a groomsman has is to be on time for the ceremony and having a pulse

Oh. And remember that the DJ will probably make you dance after the bride/groom but before they open the floor to everyone else, so if you're socio and dance phobic and don't want to end up standing in the middle of the floor aimlessly flapping your arms while almost shifting your weight from one foot to the other, bring crutches or something.

Also, it is not only customary for the groomsmen to cover their own tux, but they are supposed to split the cost of the groom's tux between them. Sometimes the groom is a nice guy and covers his own, which is why you might save that $10-$20 that someone here thought was a half-assed attempt at covering part of the groomsmen's expense.
 
bridesmaids often have to buy their own dresses (again, chosen by someone else). be thankful it's only $130 and not a $500 dress.
 
Originally posted by: AStar617
This is all a digression from the main point.
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Agreed. To reiterate the main point (in case there is any confusion whatsoever): you came here seeking solace for being cheap (and yes, tracking nickels and dimes at a family function is absolutely "being cheap") at a family member's wedding, and not surprisingly found none.
 
Hrmm...never heard anyone complain about paying their own tux rental

I've always paid my own tux rental for the weddings I've been in. My groomsmen are paying their own tux rentals too. They are also paying for their own hotel rooms. *shrug*
 
Nordstrom sells their good quality tuxes for about $600 when they go on sale. I have shopped around for many different places (including custom tailering in Asia). The extra quality of Nordstrom shows in how well their suits travel.

I have doubts that you can get a good quality tux for $260, but I don't know where you're shopping.

Michael
 
It sounds like you have a legitimate concern. The wedding party, your cousin the bride, is bragging about how poor/thrifty they are, but they're dumping silly expenses onto everybody else. I'd be pissed, too.

The traditional way to deal with this is to call EVERYBODY in your family, one at a time, and say "look, I'm happy for my cousin and all, and I'll do anything for family, but I've got a problem, and I just want to vent a little - please don't tell anybody, thanks, you're a pal" and proceed to let loose all your complaining.

Normally, after you complain, your relative will then have a bunch of complaints him/herself. You listen and agree sympathetically.

You will then find out that everybody else thinks the bride is an idiot, too, and when you look out at the wedding guests, you will know that the wedding couple is surrounded by people who are smiling politely but who are inwardly thinking "what a couple of dorks".

That's $130 worth of entertainment right there.
 
wow, what a great family member you are. :disgust:

you do realize that the groom and bride are paying for (if they're following tradition):

-2 good meals (reception and rehearsal dinner)
-your room (if its out of town)
-a gift to thank you for being in the wedding

and you're out a whole $130. nice job!
 
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