Bear fighting tactics needed

[BudAshes]

Originally posted by: Sumguy
Why dont you ask Chuck Norris?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2XUgE6g7XU

He was merely playing with him in that video. You can see the point where the bear scruffs Chuck's beard a little, and he tells the bear to GTFO.

California's Governor shows you how to take down a bear.

 

[SphinxnihpS]

If you take its candy away, you have removed 95% of the power of the bear. Now all you need to do is find its van and turn off the gentle music rendering the bear completely powerless.

Also, bears seldom come out during amber alerts. You could time your hikes to coincide with these.

 

[Crono]

You have to acquire the DNA bear, which will give you about 10 seconds to run away screaming like a little girl.

 

[zinfamous]

Well, Black Bears are generally as skittish as deer. As they saying goes, the only time you see a black bear is when you see it's gigantic ass running the opposite direction.

That being said, mating season may change things. i say bring a few fireworks (M-80's and such). loud banging noises should be enough to send away the 1/10,000 black bears that would linger for more than 2 seconds around a human.

 

[stag3]

Originally posted by: ArmchairAthlete
Just run away and it'll drop aggro after a little while.

ROFL

 

[zinfamous]

Originally posted by: Imp
From recent news: play dead, wear bearsuit, make noise, bear horn, bear mace.

From common sense: bring a piece of bear ass.

fixed

 

[zinfamous]

Originally posted by: mizzou

Originally posted by: IGBT
..bring lots of beef jerky. see "Grizzly Man" before you leave.

Yeah, but apparantly what killed that guy was that he came back during an off-season and encountered bears who are not used to seeing people.


WHat if I gave the bear peanut butter and crackers? Would it get such bad dry mouth and horrible swallowing problems it would run off into a stream?

It is likely that the bear that mauled him was one of his long-time "friends," iirc. The issues with the grizzly man is that he was stone-cold dipshit. Sure, he could have simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time (sleeping in his tent in the pathway of a large grizzly), but he was simply too idealistic for his own good.

There's a reason that the real zoologist and rangers, those who actually know something about bears, always considered this guy a fool.

 

[ed21x]

http://www.thebestpageintheuni...e.net/c.cgi?u=real_men <~ scroll down to John Hirsch

 

[videogames101]

Bring a high-powered automatic rifle.

/thread

 

[SphinxnihpS]

Originally posted by: ed21x
http://www.thebestpageintheuni...e.net/c.cgi?u=real_men <~ scroll down to John Hirsch

That page is priceless!:laugh:

 

[drum]

Bring a large bowl of porridge

 

[Gibsons]

Originally posted by: KillerCharlie
Black bear attacks are extremely rare. You're not going to do much with a knife. Wear a bell that constantly makes noise so you don't startle any of them, and get some bear spray (pepper spray that sprays a long distance).

You know how to tell bear sh!t from other sh!t?

It smells like pepper and has bells in it! :beer:

 

[Perknose]

Originally posted by: SphinxnihpS
Also, bears seldom come out during amber alerts. You could time your hikes to coincide with these.

I can vouch for this as true. During amber alerts, the bear's guard their honey supply, which is amber in color and represents critical ursine infrastructure.

That said, the two most efficent bear fighting techniques are:

1. Misdirection: "Quck, look behind you, I think it's Dick Cheney!"

2. Humiliating Verbal Abuse: "Your mother posts on AnandTech."

 

[SphinxnihpS]

Originally posted by: Perknose

Originally posted by: SphinxnihpS
Also, bears seldom come out during amber alerts. You could time your hikes to coincide with these.

I can vouch for this as true. During amber alerts, the bear's guard their honey supply, which is amber in color and represents critical ursine infrastructure.

That said, the two most efficent bear fighting techniques are:

1. Misdirection: "Quck, look behind you, I think it's Dick Cheney!"

2. Humiliating Verbal Abuse: "Your mother posts on AnandTech."

Why must you quote me in your unfunniness?

 

[BW86]

get a .44

 

[Zolty]

This

 

[Perknose]

Originally posted by: SphinxnihpS

Originally posted by: Perknose

Originally posted by: SphinxnihpS
Also, bears seldom come out during amber alerts. You could time your hikes to coincide with these.

I can vouch for this as true. During amber alerts, the bear's guard their honey supply, which is amber in color and represents critical ursine infrastructure.

That said, the two most efficent bear fighting techniques are:

1. Misdirection: "Quck, look behind you, I think it's Dick Cheney!"

2. Humiliating Verbal Abuse: "Your mother posts on AnandTech."

Why must you quote me in your unfunniness?

Think it through and the nearly tautological answer will come to you. Oh, wait . . . no it won't.

 

[Freshgeardude]

here is an idea. buy a gun

 

[IceBergSLiM]

rear naked choke holds. honestly op......how many people on this forum have bear fighting experience or training? Are you tarded?

 

[Mikey]

Will a small caliber handgun round, such as the 9mm, .40 S&W, or .45 ACP be able to take out a bear with just a few shots to the head? Placement over power, right?

 

[I Saw OJ]

german suplex the damn bear and get it over with.

 

[sourceninja]

Originally posted by: Mikey
Will a small caliber handgun round, such as the 9mm, .40 S&W, or .45 ACP be able to take out a bear with just a few shots to the head? Placement over power, right?

Wrong, a bear's skull is freaking hard. You need a large caliber handgun. Min 357 with very hot load, or ideally a 44 mag.

At least that is what the guys I know who hunt bears tell me.

 

[Beev]

Killing a bear should aggro every bears in a 40 yard radius. It makes sense, you are actually killing their best friend.

 

[GasX]

Originally posted by: mizzou
No ninja moves or anything? Jeez, you guys are making this sound hard.

The average bear in this area this time of year is 3 ft high, 6 ft standing, and weighs 250 lb

A 250lb bear with have the equivalent of retard strength, beer muscles, roid rage and a PCP high to go along with his 250lb frame.

 

[coolVariable]

Bring a rabbit smoking a pipe!