Bad American
I'm Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I like big cars,
big cigars and naturally big tits. I believe the money I make
belongs to me and my family, not some mid-level governmental
functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to
crack addicts squirting out babies.
I don't care about appearing compassionate. I think playing
with guns doesn't make you a killer. I believe it's called
the Boy Scouts for a reason. I don't think being a minority
makes you noble or victimized. I don't care if you call me a
racist, a homophobe or a misogynist. I am not tolerant of
others because they are different. I know that no matter how
big Jennifer Lopez's ass gets, I'll still want to see it. I
don't celebrate Kwanzaa. I believe that if you are selling me
a Big Mac, you do it in English.
I don't use the excuse "it's for the children" as a shield for
unpopular opinions or actions. I want to know when MTV became
such crap. I think getting a hummer is sex, and every man is
entitled to at least one extremely sloppy one per month. I know
what the definition of lying is. I think Oprah's eyes are way
too far apart. I didn't take the initiative in inventing the
Internet. I want them to bring back safe and sane fireworks.
I think that being a student doesn't give you any more
enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. I don't want to eat
or drink anything with the words light, lite or fat-free on
the package. I believe everyone has a right to pray to his
God, and they can do it in their schools. I think the Clippers
should play in the WNBA.
My heroes are Newt Gingrich, John Wayne, Ronald Reagan and
whoever canceled Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. I think creative
violence and useless nudity and sex makes movies more
interesting and Iraqis deader. I don't hate the rich. I don't
pity the poor. I know wrestling is fake, but I still think The
Rock could kick my butt. I think global warming is junk science.
I've never owned or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years in
the desert after getting chased out of Egypt, I haven't burned
any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have
you, so shut-the-f***-up already.
Rocky and Bullwinkle still makes me laugh. I think you can
respect and admire women while mentally undressing them.
I believe a self-righteous liberal with a cause is more
dangerous than a Play Station. I want to know which church is
it exactly where the Rev. Jesse Jackson preaches.
I think explosions are cool. I think the cops have every right
to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them. I worry
about dying before I get even. I figured out Bruce Willis was
dead midway through The Sixth Sense but enjoyed it anyway.
I think turkey bacon sucks. I want somebody to explain to me
exactly why it's wrong to point out that when I watch a
freeway chase, I know the losers the police eventually pull
out of the car are gonna be a gang-banging hommies.
I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it
takes a parent. I think tattoos and piercings are fine if you
want them, but please don't pretend they are
a political statement. I like hard women, hard liquor and a
hard bowel movement first thing in the morning.
I believe you don't have to speak with a lisp to pick out a
couch for your living room. I'll admit that the only movies
that ever made me cry was Sands of Iwo Jima and Ole Yeller.
I didn't realize Dr. Seuss was a genius until I had a kid.
I will not conform or compromise just to keep from hurting
somebody's feelings. Sometimes I throw my soft drink can in
the trash, even when the recycle bin is just a few more
steps. Making love is fine, but sometimes I wanna get laid.
I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised.
I'm Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I like big cars,
big cigars and naturally big tits. I believe the money I make
belongs to me and my family, not some mid-level governmental
functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to
crack addicts squirting out babies.
I don't care about appearing compassionate. I think playing
with guns doesn't make you a killer. I believe it's called
the Boy Scouts for a reason. I don't think being a minority
makes you noble or victimized. I don't care if you call me a
racist, a homophobe or a misogynist. I am not tolerant of
others because they are different. I know that no matter how
big Jennifer Lopez's ass gets, I'll still want to see it. I
don't celebrate Kwanzaa. I believe that if you are selling me
a Big Mac, you do it in English.
I don't use the excuse "it's for the children" as a shield for
unpopular opinions or actions. I want to know when MTV became
such crap. I think getting a hummer is sex, and every man is
entitled to at least one extremely sloppy one per month. I know
what the definition of lying is. I think Oprah's eyes are way
too far apart. I didn't take the initiative in inventing the
Internet. I want them to bring back safe and sane fireworks.
I think that being a student doesn't give you any more
enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. I don't want to eat
or drink anything with the words light, lite or fat-free on
the package. I believe everyone has a right to pray to his
God, and they can do it in their schools. I think the Clippers
should play in the WNBA.
My heroes are Newt Gingrich, John Wayne, Ronald Reagan and
whoever canceled Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. I think creative
violence and useless nudity and sex makes movies more
interesting and Iraqis deader. I don't hate the rich. I don't
pity the poor. I know wrestling is fake, but I still think The
Rock could kick my butt. I think global warming is junk science.
I've never owned or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years in
the desert after getting chased out of Egypt, I haven't burned
any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have
you, so shut-the-f***-up already.
Rocky and Bullwinkle still makes me laugh. I think you can
respect and admire women while mentally undressing them.
I believe a self-righteous liberal with a cause is more
dangerous than a Play Station. I want to know which church is
it exactly where the Rev. Jesse Jackson preaches.
I think explosions are cool. I think the cops have every right
to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them. I worry
about dying before I get even. I figured out Bruce Willis was
dead midway through The Sixth Sense but enjoyed it anyway.
I think turkey bacon sucks. I want somebody to explain to me
exactly why it's wrong to point out that when I watch a
freeway chase, I know the losers the police eventually pull
out of the car are gonna be a gang-banging hommies.
I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it
takes a parent. I think tattoos and piercings are fine if you
want them, but please don't pretend they are
a political statement. I like hard women, hard liquor and a
hard bowel movement first thing in the morning.
I believe you don't have to speak with a lisp to pick out a
couch for your living room. I'll admit that the only movies
that ever made me cry was Sands of Iwo Jima and Ole Yeller.
I didn't realize Dr. Seuss was a genius until I had a kid.
I will not conform or compromise just to keep from hurting
somebody's feelings. Sometimes I throw my soft drink can in
the trash, even when the recycle bin is just a few more
steps. Making love is fine, but sometimes I wanna get laid.
I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised.
Facebook
Twitter