• Guest, The rules for the P & N subforum have been updated to prohibit "ad hominem" or personal attacks against other posters. See the full details in the post "Politics and News Rules & Guidelines."

Bad American


Diamond Member
Oct 10, 1999
Bad American

I'm Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I like big cars,
big cigars and naturally big tits. I believe the money I make
belongs to me and my family, not some mid-level governmental
functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to
crack addicts squirting out babies.

I don't care about appearing compassionate. I think playing
with guns doesn't make you a killer. I believe it's called
the Boy Scouts for a reason. I don't think being a minority
makes you noble or victimized. I don't care if you call me a
racist, a homophobe or a misogynist. I am not tolerant of
others because they are different. I know that no matter how
big Jennifer Lopez's ass gets, I'll still want to see it. I
don't celebrate Kwanzaa. I believe that if you are selling me
a Big Mac, you do it in English.

I don't use the excuse "it's for the children" as a shield for
unpopular opinions or actions. I want to know when MTV became
such crap. I think getting a hummer is sex, and every man is
entitled to at least one extremely sloppy one per month. I know
what the definition of lying is. I think Oprah's eyes are way
too far apart. I didn't take the initiative in inventing the
Internet. I want them to bring back safe and sane fireworks.

I think that being a student doesn't give you any more
enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. I don't want to eat
or drink anything with the words light, lite or fat-free on
the package. I believe everyone has a right to pray to his
God, and they can do it in their schools. I think the Clippers
should play in the WNBA.

My heroes are Newt Gingrich, John Wayne, Ronald Reagan and
whoever canceled Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. I think creative
violence and useless nudity and sex makes movies more
interesting and Iraqis deader. I don't hate the rich. I don't
pity the poor. I know wrestling is fake, but I still think The
Rock could kick my butt. I think global warming is junk science.
I've never owned or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years in
the desert after getting chased out of Egypt, I haven't burned
any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have
you, so shut-the-f***-up already.

Rocky and Bullwinkle still makes me laugh. I think you can
respect and admire women while mentally undressing them.
I believe a self-righteous liberal with a cause is more
dangerous than a Play Station. I want to know which church is
it exactly where the Rev. Jesse Jackson preaches.

I think explosions are cool. I think the cops have every right
to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them. I worry
about dying before I get even. I figured out Bruce Willis was
dead midway through The Sixth Sense but enjoyed it anyway.
I think turkey bacon sucks. I want somebody to explain to me
exactly why it's wrong to point out that when I watch a
freeway chase, I know the losers the police eventually pull
out of the car are gonna be a gang-banging hommies.

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it
takes a parent. I think tattoos and piercings are fine if you
want them, but please don't pretend they are
a political statement. I like hard women, hard liquor and a
hard bowel movement first thing in the morning.

I believe you don't have to speak with a lisp to pick out a
couch for your living room. I'll admit that the only movies
that ever made me cry was Sands of Iwo Jima and Ole Yeller.
I didn't realize Dr. Seuss was a genius until I had a kid.
I will not conform or compromise just to keep from hurting
somebody's feelings. Sometimes I throw my soft drink can in
the trash, even when the recycle bin is just a few more
steps. Making love is fine, but sometimes I wanna get laid.

I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised.


May 24, 2000
Damn you Rastus!!

I've got the movie on DVD and have been waiting for the right night to watch it after the kids go to bed.

Damn you again!!

Otherwise, great post.