Atkins Induction Diarrhea: When Does It End?<<UPDATE#11: South Beach Diet, Here Comes My Digestive Tract!!!>>

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79Blazer

Golden Member
Nov 12, 2003
1,037
0
0
Originally posted by: JJWalker
As soon as I get time, I will post update#9 in which things went from bad to worse. I'm thinking the title will be:

Dr Atkins or: How I Started Spray Painting My Underwear When I Began Caring About Carbs.


ROFL
:D
 

SagaLore

Elite Member
Dec 18, 2001
24,036
21
81
Originally posted by: JJWalker
<<UPDATE#8: Now Oscillating Between Mudslides and Logjams!!!>>


Is there a God??? At this point, I don't know. My ass would probably tell you "no", though. To date, I've been unable to fine tune my fiber intake to the point where I'm either not clogged solid or on the verge of filling my undies.

It is my personal observation that those who have no clue how to eat normally, have no clue what they're doing when they're dieting.
 

damiano

Platinum Member
May 29, 2002
2,322
1
0
Originally posted by: Feldenak
I have nothing constructive to add to this thread. I'm too busy laughing and making my employees wonder about my sanity. :)

lol
same here
 

JJWalker

Senior member
Feb 15, 2001
627
0
0
I'll probably have my final Atkins update posted this Friday. It'll either be:

1) Dr Atkins or: How I Started Spray Painting My Underwear When I Began Worrying About Carbs.

or

2) Atkins And My Digestive Tract: Too Fast And WAY Too Furious.

 

Riprorin

Banned
Apr 25, 2000
9,634
0
0
"Atkins Induction Diarrhea: When Does It End?<<UPDATE#8: Now Oscillating Between Mudslides and Logjams!!!"

Sorry, can't help. I'm on a low-carb diet and I've never had either of these problems. In fact, I used to have diarrhea all the time, now I never get it. Same with heart burn.

The only thing I can suggest to get Atkins' book "Atkins for Life" and follow the meal plans and his other recommendations.

Good luck to you.
 

JJWalker

Senior member
Feb 15, 2001
627
0
0
Originally posted by: fermium
No update.. STILL? :(


Sorry man. My life, somewhat like my digestive tract on Atkins, has been rather hectic as of late. I'll try to get some time this week to post the final update.
 

Turkish

Lifer
May 26, 2003
15,547
1
81
Originally posted by: JJWalker
Besides one cup of coffee in the morning, I've been strictly adhereing to the induction program and after 6 days my @ss is starting to look like a baboons. I thought eating meats and cheeses would clog me up tighter than a champagne bottle cork, but nosiree, it's having the exact opposite effect. On the first day I had a G&L fart and ever since then I don't even think about farting unless I'm firmly planted on a toilet. Did anyone else on the program have the same reaction? When does it end?

We are Mods,not pooper scoopers.
we don't want this kinda crap here.

The Tidy Bowl Mod

rofl. how come i never saw this thread. so funny.
 

JJWalker

Senior member
Feb 15, 2001
627
0
0
<<UPDATE#9: Final Update!!!>>

Ok, here it is. My final Atkins Induction Diarrhea update.

As I've stated previously, I'm real short on free time, so I'm going to keep this as brief as possible. Oh sure, I could describe how I accidently decorated a set of bed sheets while my girlfriend was bouncing up and down on me. But it would probably come acrossed as contrived and perhaps a little over the top for the average reader.

Anyway, here's my experience with Atkins: First and foremost, it works. There is no getting around this fact. I went from 215lbs down to 190lbs on the diet while doing very little exercise. Unfortunately, as my previous posts have detailed, my body did not handle the low-carb regimen. Numerous diet angles were worked to try and stay in ketosis but after many trials and errors, mostly errors, I had to retire. Then I bought a treadmill and a HRM. I've got an ankle problem on one leg and a knee problem on the other, and at my previous weight of 215lbs+ I could not get a good cardio workout without some serious pain in both legs. But at 190lbs it turned out to be not a problem. In fact, I've wound up losing another +-10lbs just from exercising on the treadmill everyday and controlling the amount and kinds of food I eat. While on Atkins my appetite decreased a lot, and I've tried to keep my intake low while eating fruits, veggies, breads, pastas and meats. Basically anything except for items that are highly processed.


So that's basically it. Currently I'm 181lbs, 6'2", 35yrs old, and have been running everyday like a madman. My weight has been steadily decreasing and I'm aiming for 175-170ish which hopefuly I'll be able to acheive within the next few months.


Unless something radical changes, this will be my last update.


One last thing, if any of you physics majors can explain to me how crap gets halfway up your back when you have explosive diarrhea, I'd appreciate it. Is it ricocheting off the water?
 

79Blazer

Golden Member
Nov 12, 2003
1,037
0
0
Originally posted by: JJWalker
<<UPDATE#9: Final Update!!!>>

Ok, here it is. My final Atkins Induction Diarrhea update.

As I've stated previously, I'm real short on free time, so I'm going to keep this as brief as possible. Oh sure, I could describe how I accidently decorated a set of bed sheets while my girlfriend was bouncing up and down on me. But it would probably come acrossed as contrived and perhaps a little over the top for the average reader.

Anyway, here's my experience with Atkins: First and foremost, it works. There is no getting around this fact. I went from 215lbs down to 190lbs on the diet while doing very little exercise. Unfortunately, as my previous posts have detailed, my body did not handle the low-carb regimen. Numerous diet angles were worked to try and stay in ketosis but after many trials and errors, mostly errors, I had to retire. Then I bought a treadmill and a HRM. I've got an ankle problem on one leg and a knee problem on the other, and at my previous weight of 215lbs+ I could not get a good cardio workout without some serious pain in both legs. But at 190lbs it turned out to be not a problem. In fact, I've wound up losing another +-10lbs just from exercising on the treadmill everyday and controlling the amount and kinds of food I eat. While on Atkins my appetite decreased a lot, and I've tried to keep my intake low while eating fruits, veggies, breads, pastas and meats. Basically anything except for items that are highly processed.


So that's basically it. Currently I'm 181lbs, 6'2", 35yrs old, and have been running everyday like a madman. My weight has been steadily decreasing and I'm aiming for 175-170ish which hopefuly I'll be able to acheive within the next few months.


Unless something radical changes, this will be my last update.


One last thing, if any of you physics majors can explain to me how crap gets halfway up your back when you have explosive diarrhea, I'd appreciate it. Is it ricocheting off the water?


BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
 

GermyBoy

Banned
Jun 5, 2001
3,524
0
0
Well the crap thing should be simple to understand. Poo slower. If you poo quickly, then hitting water is like pooing on the ground, and it bounces right back up at you. But if you poo slower, then the crap is absorbed and goes INTO the water.

On atkins, you poo, don't even wipe, just jump in the shower.
 

Chiboy

Diamond Member
Jun 4, 2002
3,814
6
81
First time I read this thread & I cant stop laughing. My mom came down & thought I had gone mad lol, Good for you man but get back on the diet, I wanna laugh some more.
 

XZeroII

Lifer
Jun 30, 2001
12,572
0
0
Originally posted by: GermyBoy
Well the crap thing should be simple to understand. Poo slower. If you poo quickly, then hitting water is like pooing on the ground, and it bounces right back up at you. But if you poo slower, then the crap is absorbed and goes INTO the water.

On atkins, you poo, don't even wipe, just jump in the shower.

That's why I never poo when I have company over.
 

Cleaner

Senior member
Feb 11, 2002
887
1
0
Well I'm glad to hear that someone else has had the problem with 'explosive' diarrhea. My wife yelled at me once cuz it shot out from under the toilet seat and sprayed the tub. Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) is a horrible thing. I've haven't had a solid stool in 10 years.

Its good to hear that the Atkins diet works though. I've been thinking about getting on it. Thanks for the graphic updates!
 

MattTheGR8

Junior Member
Jul 16, 2003
13
0
0
Originally posted by: JJWalker
<<UPDATE#9: Final Update!!!>>

Oh sure, I could describe how I accidently decorated a set of bed sheets while my girlfriend was bouncing up and down on me.

LOL

That's what I call a show-stopper!

Thanks for the update, BTW.
 

MisfitsFiend

Platinum Member
Jun 19, 2001
2,287
1
0
I've usually been able to control my laughter, but after reading the "final" post I have completely lost it....I can no longer control my laughter. Not to sound mean, but I hope you eat something bad so you can post again, because you have really kept me amused...Crap on my atkins buddy!!

Thanks for the laughs...

mf
 

BaboonGuy

Diamond Member
Aug 24, 2002
4,125
0
0
Originally posted by: MattTheGR8
Originally posted by: JJWalker
<<UPDATE#9: Final Update!!!>>

Oh sure, I could describe how I accidently decorated a set of bed sheets while my girlfriend was bouncing up and down on me.

LOL

That's what I call a show-stopper!

Thanks for the update, BTW.

ha!

Cheers :beer: Elemental007
 

JJWalker

Senior member
Feb 15, 2001
627
0
0
<<UPDATE#10 The Absolute Final Update>>

Ok, I've had two people ask me how I can reconcile having a wife in August and now having a girlfriend. It's quite simply really. Sometime around the middle of September my soon-to-be ex-wife informed me that I was an "asshole" and that she was "tired of my sh!t" (not sure if she meant that literally). So I packed up my goodies and moved in with a co-worker.

Strange thing is, I get home from work one day around the first of November and my co-worker says, "Yo JJ, Amber called for you." I'm like "What?". Amber is my soon-to-be ex-wife's best friend so I figure something is up. Turns out, Amber just wants to go out for dinner and drinks. One thing leads to another and now I'm busy treating my soon-to-be ex-wife's, former best friend like a farm animal.

It couldn't have worked out any better.


And no, I haven't tried Atkins again. :)
 

Cleaner

Senior member
Feb 11, 2002
887
1
0
Originally posted by: Cleaner
Well I'm glad to hear that someone else has had the problem with 'explosive' diarrhea. My wife yelled at me once cuz it shot out from under the toilet seat and sprayed the tub. Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) is a horrible thing. I've haven't had a solid stool in 10 years.

Its good to hear that the Atkins diet works though. I've been thinking about getting on it. Thanks for the graphic updates!

Ok so I myself started doing Atkins but I took precautionary measures. I went to an internal medicine doctor for my IBS and they gave me Levsin. Levsin basically makes your digestive system work slower so things don't slide thru too fast. Also I'm taking half doses of Metamucill every morning and evening and I'm not having any problems on Atkins. I think the fiber is a good idea and I'm sure the Levsin helps. I'll keep you guys updated on how much weight I lose.
 

JJWalker

Senior member
Feb 15, 2001
627
0
0
<<South Beach Diet, Here Comes My Digestive Tract!!!>>


I've stalled in my weight loss, so SBD here I come!