I agree with your sentiment there. TBC was terrible for melee in most encounters as it was either run out or die.
Tanking isn't too bad, but sometimes the DPS can be a bit annoying and those pesky healers get mad when you overgear the place like crazy and pull tons.
You're right, DPS can be annoying. Most of them don't understand that threat is a two-way street, especially when talking about random pug groups. OMEN... get it. I only really get annoyed by the obviously over-geared dps folks who run right in and treat me like I'm their raid tank.
Everyone do yourself a favor and save yourself from frustration by doing the following two things before going all out dps in an instance with a pug tank:
1) Inspect them. Is there gear level much lower than yours? Regardless of skill they will need a little more time than you are used to in order to build threat. This is called math.
2) WAIT. In the first few pulls you can observe just how quickly the tank accumulates threat, gathers mobs, etc.
3) If a dps pulls a mob it's partially the dps's fault in most cases. Omen. If it's a large pack of mobs hold back just a second longer than normal to begin your AoE hopping madness.
4) Use all of your tools. My main is/was a rogue. I was good at being a rogue. Tricks of the trade? If you're not using it every cool down to help a pug tank (and subsequently make your life easier) you need to figure out why not. If the tank doesn't need it then you should be using it on someone else. Hunters should be MD'n every cool down, etc.
Anyway, other than one or two very heavily geared dps I haven't had much trouble. And the thing is, those highly geared guys are actually the most apologetic about it so I'm honestly not even really complaining. Just pointing out some things I've learned while building a tank from scratch over the last couple of weeks.