Nope, school sucks, my outlook on life is looking dim even though I'm less then a quarter done with it. To depressed to really feel much besides UNRELENTING PAIN!
Happiness? just the brief loss of pain. The only things that make me happy right now are surfing and skiing. My sisters are making my life hell, Im growing distant from my friends, I can't sem to finish much or hold anything together. I feel trapped. But above all of this, im alone. I have no one. I have nothing. I have a wetsuit and a pair of X-screams. I havn't had a girl in what seems like ages, the one chance I had...I blew it. Im 17 and I havn't been on a date sience like eighth grade. Right now all I have in front of me is a Jouiner college. Happy? I havn't felt that way in years. I guess when I catch a really nice wave, and then launch off into the top of the barrel for a el rolio, out again to do a barrel roll and then ride it home. Or when I am taking a 25 foot drop onto a 60 degree steep slope, down a 5 foot narrow shoot and into a giant bowl filled with powder, is when im happy. But when my ski boots come off and my wet suit returns to its hanger I return to my normal lifestyle.
EDIT more cause it feels good to rant:
It just friggin sucks, everywhere I look I see someone happy with another person. I feel like Neil Armstrong stepping on to the moon, an alien. I cant connect with anyone other then those that I see on a regular basis. I always fvck up any chance I get for a relationship and it sucks. I feel like hanging myself but I probally won't cause it will hurt my family. My parents seem to love me although my sisters never show any compassion for my feelings. They just seem to want to date my friends. And my friends just want to chase tail. What ever, im no crotch blocker so I stay out of their way. I tried to get it to stop but it just ended up worse.
EDIT some more:
People say they want my life. They think I have a great time. I guess I put up a face that shows that I do. My mask shows that I am happy. I talk about my waves and how they were good or bad, I seem happy. My friends think im happy, others think im happy, but no one knows. Everyone is blind to my situtation.
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