Seriously. I mean, what are you guys doing with your butt cheeks and ass hair that is preventing a turd from making a clean getaway? I shower daily, and as a result I always make sure that there are no hairs knotting across my chocolate starfish to impede the flow of cable. And when I sit on the toilet, I don't mush my cheeks together; in fact, I make sure that I pull them apart before I apply my ass to the throne. One gentle push, and the toilet snake makes a clean break for the porcelain wilderness.
Done correctly, and assuming one is doing a regular turd and not a green apple splatter, there shouldn't be any residual poo on any part of your date, unless your poo contains corn, traces of nuts, or you haven't been patient enough to pass the entire complete cable in one motion. Most skidsmear results from someone pinching off a loaf mid-bake, which means your sphincter has to cleave through the nugget, thus getting faeces where there needn't be any. A good poop is a patient poop, and one should let the entire Baby Ruth slide free of its own accord, without being tempted to bite into its noughgaty goodness. This results in the rectum and sphincter working in perfect harmony; the slight eversion of the ring prevents external contamination, so only minimal wiping, if any, should be required. At most, a couple of squares of TP on the end of a finger, wiggled gently at the back door of Aperture Science is all you should need.
Of course, it's always a good idea to get a good quality TP, and not a cheap Clint Eastwood brand that doesn't take **** from anyone...
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