Anyone else here NOT like charmin bathroom tissue?

[Q]

I'm pretty sure this is a parody thread but no one realizes it

 

[Baked]

Some toilets squirt water on your anus then blow dries after you're done. Paper free!

 

[JohnCU]

Originally posted by: Quintox
I'm pretty sure this is a parody thread but no one realizes it

i think it is an inspiration thread

 

[nick1985]

Originally posted by: JohnCU

Originally posted by: Quintox
I'm pretty sure this is a parody thread but no one realizes it

i think it is an inspiration thread

LOL :thumbsup:

 

[Anubis]

Scott 1000 sheets or GTFO

 

[Dirigible]

You all disgust me.

I poop out rainbows, sunshine, and toilet cleaner. So not only do I not need to use TP, but the bathroom is much fresher and cleaner after I leave.



(And where's the poll?! Charmin sucks. I can't properly show my disdain without adding to an internet bar chart.)

 

[dbk]

I use Scott and generally dislike the soft cushy types - they're too thick and more prone to cloggin up the toilet.

 

[StevenYoo]

Originally posted by: Dirigible

(And where's the poll?! Charmin sucks. I can't properly show my disdain without adding to an internet bar chart.)

you're right!

 

[BoomerD]

Originally posted by: MovingTarget
I prefer anything that keeps my finger from going through.

INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT!

 

[Chiropteran]

Scotts is the best. I hate all the quilted toilet papers. Hell, I would just use paper towels if the toilet plumbing could handle it. Stronger is better, quilting is for girls.

 

[Dirigible]

Originally posted by: StevenYoo

Originally posted by: Dirigible

(And where's the poll?! Charmin sucks. I can't properly show my disdain without adding to an internet bar chart.)

you're right!

Awesome! Voted. My day is complete.

 

[meltdown75]

i don't give this much thought to what i wipe my ass with

 

[Baked]

Originally posted by: meltdown75
i don't give this much thought to what i wipe my ass with

200 grit sandpaper?

 

[ScottyB]

Originally posted by: BoomerD
Cottonelle FTW!
Charmin sux. Always has, always will.
Mr. Whipple can fuck off and die...
(oh wait, he did!) :shocked:

;

Cottenelle is the best!

 

[PricklyPete]

Are you kidding!?!? Charmin is the only thing that makes me think that there might be a god...

 

[BoomerD]

Here I sit in heavenly vapor,
I look around; there is no paper!
There goes the whistle; I must not linger,
Look out asshole,
Here comes my finger!

 

[nakedfrog]

Originally posted by: ScottyB

Originally posted by: BoomerD
Cottonelle FTW!
Charmin sux. Always has, always will.
Mr. Whipple can fuck off and die...
(oh wait, he did!) :shocked:

;

Cottenelle is the best!

Indeed, I was actually over at someone's house years ago and thought enough of it to ask what it was and I've been buying it ever since.

 

[wiredspider]

it's good for blowing my nose, but not so good for the tushy....

 

[QurazyQuisp]

I'm having a hard time understanding you guys poke your fingers through the TP while wiping, and end up with a finger up your butt. You guys must seriously blow at wiping your butt.

 

[Captante]

Scotts is the best & lasts the longest.

 

[StevenYoo]

Originally posted by: QurazyQuisp
I'm having a hard time understanding you guys poke your fingers through the TP while wiping, and end up with a finger up your butt. You guys must seriously blow at wiping your butt.

so here it goes:

normally, a wad of TP is 3-4 sheets thick. Upon butt contact, the first layer of the wad sticks and tends not to move. The 2nd sheet tends not to hold onto the 1st and subsequently slides over it. This loss of friction requires one to increase the force applied perpendicular to the area of contact (since friction is a function of the normal force). This increased force overcomes the tensile strength of the fibers holding the TP together.

hence, brown fingers.

QED

 

[imported_Imp]

As long as it's 2-ply, no problem.

 

[GiggleGirl]

hahaha, omg this thread his hilarious. i love it!

 

[duragezic]

Only on ATOT. Wow you guys would probably bring your own expensive bullshit paper if you came to my house. 6pk of Walmart brand TP for $1.18 FTMFW. And no it's not sandpaper. It's just like any other TP I've ever used.

 

[Itchrelief]

Not quite the same subject, but I was reminded of this post from another forum:

Originally posted by: Ozziebloke
I don't get it.

Seriously. I mean, what are you guys doing with your butt cheeks and ass hair that is preventing a turd from making a clean getaway? I shower daily, and as a result I always make sure that there are no hairs knotting across my chocolate starfish to impede the flow of cable. And when I sit on the toilet, I don't mush my cheeks together; in fact, I make sure that I pull them apart before I apply my ass to the throne. One gentle push, and the toilet snake makes a clean break for the porcelain wilderness.

Done correctly, and assuming one is doing a regular turd and not a green apple splatter, there shouldn't be any residual poo on any part of your date, unless your poo contains corn, traces of nuts, or you haven't been patient enough to pass the entire complete cable in one motion. Most skidsmear results from someone pinching off a loaf mid-bake, which means your sphincter has to cleave through the nugget, thus getting faeces where there needn't be any. A good poop is a patient poop, and one should let the entire Baby Ruth slide free of its own accord, without being tempted to bite into its noughgaty goodness. This results in the rectum and sphincter working in perfect harmony; the slight eversion of the ring prevents external contamination, so only minimal wiping, if any, should be required. At most, a couple of squares of TP on the end of a finger, wiggled gently at the back door of Aperture Science is all you should need.

Of course, it's always a good idea to get a good quality TP, and not a cheap Clint Eastwood brand that doesn't take **** from anyone...