- Sep 10, 2004
- 10,507
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***really long, TLDR/superficial answers aren't what I'm looking for***
I doubt I'll get many answers :laugh:
Right now, I am a college student raised in an asian family. The problem is, I'm very unhappy with my current situation between my parents and me, and my other siblings feel the same. What is going on is that they are in what we believe are abusing their power of authority over us. While supposedly for good reasons such as teaching their children discipline, they also want to keep the family together as long as possible in the same house, even though now one has graduated and the other (me) is in college. But by placing restrictions in which many people I've talked to have considered absurd (going out twice a month for only a few hours max on weekends [before dinner], no jobs until 18 years of age, no choice of moving out), the family is usually unhappy with one another. One major reason is that most of their restrictions are unjustified, and are only based on "instinct"/not fully thought out reasons
Thus because of such, I have tried numerous times to reason with my parents, proving their logic is unjust so that I can have some leeway in my college life. I am the first born generation in the US, so I can sort of see why my parents don't consider college life important and only make us focus on getting a degree. The problem is, they WILL not change the views that they came with. Legally being an adult means nothing to them, going out with friends is something not necessary, the curfew should be at 8:00 PM ALWAYS, no matter when you leave. When I told them about me being an adult and I should have more freedom, they retorted about how that's part of the American view, and find it inferior to their own. Thus, when they wouldn't let me go out one day for no reason (they just stayed around the house that day), I tried for 2-3 hours to show them their logic was flawed and placing restrictions because of their initial beliefs was outright wrong. I was told to be quiet several times (in rude manners), was told they don't have any logic, was told the "my house, my rules" phrase, and many others. I was also threatened with being kicked out of the house because of my reasoning. Thus in the end, because I don't have any financial support because I don't have a job nor do I have anyone willing to accept me (my relatives hate my family), I decided the best thing was to back down. If my parents admit their logic is flawed, and are placing restrictions because they feel like it without thinking it through, how can I place my faith in them? How?
I also got called today by my father before a lecture, who asked me to help him change a filter for a furnace (he's done it several times). I told him it takes an hour to get to college and back included, and I have a lab from 3:30 - 6:30 PM. The time before I have classes. He wanted me to skip to come home and help him change the filter because I have to be there to see how he does it (oh, I've done it several times with him too). I told him if he really feels that skipping a lab session is really important to cleaning a filter. He then asked me if I want to come home or not (he phrased it and made it sound like a threat asking if I wanted to get kicked out or not), and so to avoid a confrontation with students around, I hung up. If you keep threatening to kick out your son, that doesn't mean that there is unconditional love. It means you're willing to just toss him away like he was just a child. Am I being wrong here? Every time I go home, I go home to unhappy parents.
Family counseling failed, because they can lie through their teeth about things. As I stated above, I have no money because I wasn't allowed a job. Is there really anything I can do?
If there are any grammatical errors, some parts are incoherent, I apologize. I'm just typing this as I go. Please do try and respond in a neutral manner before replying
. If one thinks past the superficial thoughts, besides "what a spoiled brat," or "what a whiner," then one can find an answer I seek.
Thanks for those that read. (10 more to lifer! YEAH!)
I doubt I'll get many answers :laugh:
Right now, I am a college student raised in an asian family. The problem is, I'm very unhappy with my current situation between my parents and me, and my other siblings feel the same. What is going on is that they are in what we believe are abusing their power of authority over us. While supposedly for good reasons such as teaching their children discipline, they also want to keep the family together as long as possible in the same house, even though now one has graduated and the other (me) is in college. But by placing restrictions in which many people I've talked to have considered absurd (going out twice a month for only a few hours max on weekends [before dinner], no jobs until 18 years of age, no choice of moving out), the family is usually unhappy with one another. One major reason is that most of their restrictions are unjustified, and are only based on "instinct"/not fully thought out reasons
Thus because of such, I have tried numerous times to reason with my parents, proving their logic is unjust so that I can have some leeway in my college life. I am the first born generation in the US, so I can sort of see why my parents don't consider college life important and only make us focus on getting a degree. The problem is, they WILL not change the views that they came with. Legally being an adult means nothing to them, going out with friends is something not necessary, the curfew should be at 8:00 PM ALWAYS, no matter when you leave. When I told them about me being an adult and I should have more freedom, they retorted about how that's part of the American view, and find it inferior to their own. Thus, when they wouldn't let me go out one day for no reason (they just stayed around the house that day), I tried for 2-3 hours to show them their logic was flawed and placing restrictions because of their initial beliefs was outright wrong. I was told to be quiet several times (in rude manners), was told they don't have any logic, was told the "my house, my rules" phrase, and many others. I was also threatened with being kicked out of the house because of my reasoning. Thus in the end, because I don't have any financial support because I don't have a job nor do I have anyone willing to accept me (my relatives hate my family), I decided the best thing was to back down. If my parents admit their logic is flawed, and are placing restrictions because they feel like it without thinking it through, how can I place my faith in them? How?
I also got called today by my father before a lecture, who asked me to help him change a filter for a furnace (he's done it several times). I told him it takes an hour to get to college and back included, and I have a lab from 3:30 - 6:30 PM. The time before I have classes. He wanted me to skip to come home and help him change the filter because I have to be there to see how he does it (oh, I've done it several times with him too). I told him if he really feels that skipping a lab session is really important to cleaning a filter. He then asked me if I want to come home or not (he phrased it and made it sound like a threat asking if I wanted to get kicked out or not), and so to avoid a confrontation with students around, I hung up. If you keep threatening to kick out your son, that doesn't mean that there is unconditional love. It means you're willing to just toss him away like he was just a child. Am I being wrong here? Every time I go home, I go home to unhappy parents.
Family counseling failed, because they can lie through their teeth about things. As I stated above, I have no money because I wasn't allowed a job. Is there really anything I can do?
If there are any grammatical errors, some parts are incoherent, I apologize. I'm just typing this as I go. Please do try and respond in a neutral manner before replying
. If one thinks past the superficial thoughts, besides "what a spoiled brat," or "what a whiner," then one can find an answer I seek.Thanks for those that read. (10 more to lifer! YEAH!)
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