Any other options besides moving out?

[Kntx]

Guy, you're an american kid. Have you tried ignoring all their rules yet? Call their bluff already. And if they do try to kick you out don't go anywhere. What are they going to do?? Physically remove you?? Call the cops?? Yea right.

 

[Ricemarine]

Originally posted by: Kntx
Guy, you're an american kid. Have you tried ignoring all their rules yet? Call their bluff already. And if they do try to kick you out don't go anywhere. What are they going to do?? Physically remove you?? Call the cops?? Yea right.

My older sibling did pull a stunt where she walked out of the house saying she was going to stay with a friend. My parents called the police to file a missing person's report, called all her friends (because they took her cell phone and jotted all her friends' numbers), but couldn't find her. So, since my sister was working as an intern at the time, my parents called the company she worked for, and my mother had driven and waited 4 hours while my sister was at a meeting to scold her and haul her back home. Needless to say, that's what I'm expecting if I do not follow through with my plan once it starts.

 

[nakedfrog]

Originally posted by: Ricemarine
My older sibling did pull a stunt where she walked out of the house saying she was going to stay with a friend. My parents called the police to file a missing person's report, called all her friends (because they took her cell phone and jotted all her friends' numbers), but couldn't find her. So, since my sister was working as an intern at the time, my parents called the company she worked for, and my mother had driven and waited 4 hours while my sister was at a meeting to scold her and haul her back home. Needless to say, that's what I'm expecting if I do not follow through with my plan once it starts.

:laugh:
That's pretty deranged.
So your sister caved and went back with her?

 

[Ricemarine]

Originally posted by: nakedfrog

Originally posted by: Ricemarine
My older sibling did pull a stunt where she walked out of the house saying she was going to stay with a friend. My parents called the police to file a missing person's report, called all her friends (because they took her cell phone and jotted all her friends' numbers), but couldn't find her. So, since my sister was working as an intern at the time, my parents called the company she worked for, and my mother had driven and waited 4 hours while my sister was at a meeting to scold her and haul her back home. Needless to say, that's what I'm expecting if I do not follow through with my plan once it starts.

:laugh:
That's pretty deranged.
So your sister caved and went back with her?

In the end yes, because either it's going to be a big commotion in front of her fellow employees, or it can be taken elsewhere. Plus, she was also a college student at the time, so she probably could've done better. But since she's the oldest, she had to try new things somehow. In the end I guess we always hoped that my parents would learn to change ya know? Unfortunately, they only expected their kids to.

 

[MrWizzard]

You have got some serious issues to work through...reading on how you reason, you have to be what 18-19?

It?s going to be tough, but right now I think you are approaching the problem in a way that aggravates it.

Might want to try different approaches. Have you asked them what they think is a good plan for your life and moving out? According to them? Let them lay out how they think it should work from start to finish?

 

[Ricemarine]

Originally posted by: MrWizzard
You have got some serious issues to work through...reading on how you reason, you have to be what 18-19?

It?s going to be tough, but right now I think you are approaching the problem in a way that aggravates it.

Might want to try different approaches. Have you asked them what they think is a good plan for your life and moving out? According to them? Let them lay out how they think it should work from start to finish?

Moving out is not an option to them. Their plan for their children was: go to school, go to the local 4-year university, let them get a degree, then move in with one of the children and make them pay back to the family as restitution (the older sister that has a job right now has to pay back $2k/month). Basically my older sister had to pay for a new car that was supposed to be mine, then supposedly given to her before I could drive it as a graduation present. Later on, they decided to make her pay the full value of the car even though she never asked for it. So she's paying $1,000 for the car per month and adding $1,000 on top of that to pay for "being with the family"

Do I want a girlfriend? Their answer: wait until you have a financially stable life and then go find one. That doesn't always work though, although somewhat a "smart" move.

 

[MiataNC]

You are 19. In the eyes of the law you are an adult.

Nothing, except your desire to maintain your current comfortable lifestyle, is keeping you from walking out the door and making it on your own.

Life is NOT about changing other people to suit your wants/needs. It is not up to your parents to change, it is up to you to live with the consequences of your choices. Stay with them and live with their rules, or leave and sink or swim on your own. It is as simple as that.

 

[Turin39789]

join the marines?

 

[Dacalo]

WTF what kind of Asian parents do you have? None of my Asian friends had that kind parents, myself included.

 

[Ricemarine]

Originally posted by: MiataNC
You are 19. In the eyes of the law you are an adult.

Nothing, except your desire to maintain your current comfortable lifestyle, is keeping you from walking out the door and making it on your own.

Life is NOT about changing other people to suit your wants/needs. It is not up to your parents to change, it is up to you to live with the consequences of your choices. Stay with them and live with their rules, or leave and sink or swim on your own. It is as simple as that.

You raise a point. My lifestyle is comfortable.

I do however have to disagree with your statement. I lived with the consequence of trying to change my parents to understand how their parents see them, to make them somehow realize they're doing things which hurt others. I'm under the belief that anyone can change for the better. My need/wants that weren't materialistic were made because they had affected me negatively. If one can come to a mutual agreement, then both sides are happy. The one thing that helps to GET to that mutual agreement is by understanding both sides of the situation, and using proper reasoning to understand WHY things must be done the way they have to, for a better future.

By giving up my hopes of changing them, sure it's sink or swim from here, but that means I gave up on trying to get to that mutual agreement, so both sides are happy. Relationships last if both sides put in effort to remedy their issues. By stepping away, I gave it up all hope in it. At the same time, this also means both sides must be able to accept change. My $0.02.

Originally posted by: Dacalo
WTF what kind of Asian parents do you have? None of my Asian friends had that kind parents, myself included.

Do elaborate.

 

[looker001]

Let see

1)Their rules, their house
2) Your being supported financial by them, so their rules or get out.
3) You got no job, so their rules or shut up and get out.
4)Get a job, in that case you can get out if you like and it can be your place and your rules.

 

[racolvin]

Originally posted by: Ricemarine

Moving out is not an option to them. Their plan for their children was: go to school, go to the local 4-year university, let them get a degree, then move in with one of the children and make them pay back to the family as restitution (the older sister that has a job right now has to pay back $2k/month). Basically my older sister had to pay for a new car that was supposed to be mine, then supposedly given to her before I could drive it as a graduation present. Later on, they decided to make her pay the full value of the car even though she never asked for it. So she's paying $1,000 for the car per month and adding $1,000 on top of that to pay for "being with the family".

Your parents do not own you, or do you "owe" them any sort of "restitution".

You could approach some of your relatives, the ones that hate your parents, and explain to them what you're trying to do. They might be more than willing to give you a place to stay, simply to spite your parents.

Depending on what sort of relationship you want with your parents later on in life, your options aren't really as limited as you might think. Personally if my parents behaved the way you described I'd have told them to F*** Off the day I turned 18. If nothing else I'd have joined the military, which is still an option for you actually.

Some of the other replies you've gotten here are pretty spot on. Your education will take longer since you'll be taking fewer classes per term but it goes as follows:

1) Move out, fast. Crash with anyone who will have you while you get a job.
2) Get student loans to pay for college, work part time to survive
3) Never look back and don't put up with any crap from your parents - if they harass you at work, call the police.

OR

1) Join the military. Serve your time and get an MOS that compliments your EE ambitions
2) Pay for college after on the GI benefits
3) Never look back and don't put up with any crap from your parents

 

[looker001]

Originally posted by: Ricemarine

Originally posted by: MrWizzard
You have got some serious issues to work through...reading on how you reason, you have to be what 18-19?

It?s going to be tough, but right now I think you are approaching the problem in a way that aggravates it.

Might want to try different approaches. Have you asked them what they think is a good plan for your life and moving out? According to them? Let them lay out how they think it should work from start to finish?

Moving out is not an option to them. Their plan for their children was: go to school, go to the local 4-year university, let them get a degree, then move in with one of the children and make them pay back to the family as restitution (the older sister that has a job right now has to pay back $2k/month). Basically my older sister had to pay for a new car that was supposed to be mine, then supposedly given to her before I could drive it as a graduation present. Later on, they decided to make her pay the full value of the car even though she never asked for it. So she's paying $1,000 for the car per month and adding $1,000 on top of that to pay for "being with the family"

Do I want a girlfriend? Their answer: wait until you have a financially stable life and then go find one. That doesn't always work though, although somewhat a "smart" move.

Tell your sister to give back the car, i am assuming it's in the parents name and to go buy her own car. Basically your sister need to tell your parents to take a hike and deal with it.

 

[Barfo]

move out

 

[So]

Originally posted by: racolvin

Originally posted by: Ricemarine

Moving out is not an option to them. Their plan for their children was: go to school, go to the local 4-year university, let them get a degree, then move in with one of the children and make them pay back to the family as restitution (the older sister that has a job right now has to pay back $2k/month). Basically my older sister had to pay for a new car that was supposed to be mine, then supposedly given to her before I could drive it as a graduation present. Later on, they decided to make her pay the full value of the car even though she never asked for it. So she's paying $1,000 for the car per month and adding $1,000 on top of that to pay for "being with the family".

Your parents do not own you, or do you "owe" them any sort of "restitution".

You could approach some of your relatives, the ones that hate your parents, and explain to them what you're trying to do. They might be more than willing to give you a place to stay, simply to spite your parents.

Depending on what sort of relationship you want with your parents later on in life, your options aren't really as limited as you might think. Personally if my parents behaved the way you described I'd have told them to F*** Off the day I turned 18. If nothing else I'd have joined the military, which is still an option for you actually.

Some of the other replies you've gotten here are pretty spot on. Your education will take longer since you'll be taking fewer classes per term but it goes as follows:

1) Move out, fast. Crash with anyone who will have you while you get a job.
2) Get student loans to pay for college, work part time to survive
3) Never look back and don't put up with any crap from your parents - if they harass you at work, call the police.

OR

1) Join the military. Serve your time and get an MOS that compliments your EE ambitions
2) Pay for college after on the GI benefits
3) Never look back and don't put up with any crap from your parents

ROTC scholarship could get you money immediately and into the dorms shortly after that?

 

[InflatableBuddha]

Originally posted by: racolvin

Originally posted by: Ricemarine

Moving out is not an option to them. Their plan for their children was: go to school, go to the local 4-year university, let them get a degree, then move in with one of the children and make them pay back to the family as restitution (the older sister that has a job right now has to pay back $2k/month). Basically my older sister had to pay for a new car that was supposed to be mine, then supposedly given to her before I could drive it as a graduation present. Later on, they decided to make her pay the full value of the car even though she never asked for it. So she's paying $1,000 for the car per month and adding $1,000 on top of that to pay for "being with the family".

Your parents do not own you, or do you "owe" them any sort of "restitution".

You could approach some of your relatives, the ones that hate your parents, and explain to them what you're trying to do. They might be more than willing to give you a place to stay, simply to spite your parents.

Depending on what sort of relationship you want with your parents later on in life, your options aren't really as limited as you might think. Personally if my parents behaved the way you described I'd have told them to F*** Off the day I turned 18. If nothing else I'd have joined the military, which is still an option for you actually.

Some of the other replies you've gotten here are pretty spot on. Your education will take longer since you'll be taking fewer classes per term but it goes as follows:

1) Move out, fast. Crash with anyone who will have you while you get a job.
2) Get student loans to pay for college, work part time to survive
3) Never look back and don't put up with any crap from your parents - if they harass you at work, call the police.

OR

1) Join the military. Serve your time and get an MOS that compliments your EE ambitions
2) Pay for college after on the GI benefits
3) Never look back and don't put up with any crap from your parents

Best advice here.

OP - your parents are emotionally abusing you, and that's why you are having difficulty getting the hell out of there. You have tried reasoning, but it has been ineffective. Unfortunately, your parents may never change.

Take racolvin's advice and move on with your life.

 

[Elbryn]

you and your sister should move out. she's got a job. she should start managing her own life. if she feels bad about it, she can always figure out how much she owes your parents and pay it back later.

only way your parents will change is if they get forced to. they aint changing otherwise. good chance it'll backfire too and they'll essentially disown you. if it's not salvageable, you'll have to move on in your life. luckily you still have a sibling and have some family relationship

 

[Brainonska511]

You can always join ROTC or one of the services to get money and move out. If you join one of the services, you may have to put off schooling for a little while, but it will get you away and put money in the bank for yourself.

But some of the best advice - pack your stuff up in ready-to-go containers and move out quickly. Try and find a friend's place to crash in for a little bit while you hunt for a job and an apartment and apply for financial aide and/or student loans. Hopefully, you're parents won't be dicks when filling out the forms, since IIRC, FAFSA requires that they also fill it out; you might have to talk to your school financial aide office if they don't want to do their part in filling out those forms as retribution for moving out.

 

[SMOGZINN]

Originally posted by: torpid
Just start ignoring them and doing what you want, meanwhile look for a place to live. If they eventually kick you out for insubordination, at least you got a bit more time of free board.

Seriously, when did teenagers forget how to rebel?

My parents gave me restrictions and curfews and I still managed to drink, smoke, and get laid on a regular basis.

Stop listening to EMO music and raise some HELL OP! Listen to the Ramones, they will tell you how!

 

[Mr Pickles]

Originally posted by: Jeeebus
let me summarize all the replies you're going to get concisely:

1. If you live under their roof, you live by their rules.

2. If you don't want to live by their rules, get a job and move out.

/END

 

[oiprocs]

FBB?

 

[fuzzybabybunny]

This was close to my situation when I was your age. My parents are old and there is this huge generational and cultural gap between myself and my parents that doesn't make things easy.

My advice is to become independent ASAP. In fact, you MUST do this. I DIDN'T, and it will NOT get better. It will only get worse, and if you choose to keep your comfortable, under your parents' roof lifestyle, you're in for many, many extra (even unending) years of:

1. suffering
2. emotional sadness -> depression
3. severe relational and personality development issues
4. an even WORSE relationship with your family that will become even HARDER to fix, if even fixable at all
5. falling behind your peers in relationships and work
6. an overall black hole that always gets deeper and deeper as you owe your parents and become damaged by them more and more

I urge you to do something about it immediately for your own sake. You do not want to be where I am now.

It's scary thinking about getting a job to support yourself. It's scary thinking about all that work you'll have to do to get loans, file as an independent, and live life on your own. But these are the things that you have to do. I can tell you now that you're at a very important fork, and one of the paths will assuredly lead to utter disaster while the other one that's shrouded with uncertainty and risk and hard work will lead to happiness. Because that's what it's all about. All this money and advancement that we work for... the end result should be happiness.

And don't be afraid to discover the kindness of other people that have nothing to do with your family. Break the ice. Reach out to them. Ask for their assistance. Other people make life rich.

Feel free to PM me for advice on what not to do.

EDIT: I need to stress how important this is. This WILL make or break you for many years to come. It is not a fuzzy issue. It is an issue that must be at the forefront of everything. Don't delay. Start becoming independent this very second.

 

[oiprocs]

Originally posted by: fuzzybabybunny
This was close to my situation when I was your age. My parents are old and there is this huge generational and cultural gap between myself and my parents that doesn't make things easy.

My advice is to become independent ASAP. In fact, you MUST do this. I DIDN'T, and it will NOT get better. It will only get worse, and if you choose to keep your comfortable, all expenses paid lifestyle, you're in for many, many extra years of:

1. suffering
2. emotional sadness -> depression
3. severe relational and personality development issues
4. an even WORSE relationship with your family that will become even HARDER to fix, if even fixable at all
5. falling behind your peers in relationships and work
6. an overall black hole that always gets deeper and deeper as you owe your parents and become damaged by them more and more

I urge you to do something about it immediately for your own sake. You do not want to be where I am now.

It's scary thinking about getting a job to support yourself. It's scary thinking about all that work you'll have to do to get loans, file as an independent, and live life on your own. But these are the things that you have to do. I can tell you now that you're at a very important fork, and one of the paths will assuredly lead to utter disaster while the other one that's shrouded with uncertainty and risk and hard work will lead to happiness. Because that's what it's all about. All this money and advancement that we work for... the end result should be happiness.

And don't be afraid to discover the kindness of other people that have nothing to do with your family. Break the ice. Reach out to them. Ask for their assistance. Other people make life rich.

Feel free to PM me for advice on what not to do.

QFP

 

[MotF Bane]

Originally posted by: obscenethistle
FBB?

You can tell the future! :shocked:

@ OP - pretty much everything that needed to be said has been in the thread. I'll add though... if you move out, and then they show up looking to bring you back home, a) you obviously don't have to go, and b) you can go back with them, keep doing whatever you want. If they don't like it, they can tell you to leave, you go ahead and leave. Alternatively, they might get worn down from it, and give up.

 

[finite automaton]

Originally posted by: obscenethistle
FBB?

YEAH YOU KNOW ME!