Any introverts/poor conversationalists fixed themselves?

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OCGuy

Lifer
Jul 12, 2000
27,224
37
91
T9D said:
I don't even really like joining conversations much. People always just talk about stupid pointless shallow crap. I have no interest in whatsoever. And if you try to have a real conversation with some depth and knowledge they look at you like an alien. And most people can only relate what they saw on the news or whatever. I also can't stand that they always expect you to be like a stand up comedian with very word you say. It's like society has turned into real life sitcom talk where everything is some lame one liner. I can't stand it. Seems everyone knows a little bit about a lot of lame things. I'd rather talk about a lot of information about one thing at a time even.
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The bolded parts of your quote are classic characteristics of more than one psychological quirk that a lot of us here have experience with. Neuroticism, poor self-image, projection come to mind specifically. The rest of your post is normal and is opinion off of real information (what they are actually saying) you are receiving during conversations.

Unless someone actually told you they expect you to "be like a standup comedian", then you are coming to that conclusion on your own, most likely as a way to avoid dealing with the fact that you don't connect with the people around you.

Maybe you are much more educated, have a higher IQ, and more advanced interests than everyone around you, so to you the conversations just seem like a waste of time?

On the flip side, maybe you have such low self-esteem, that you feel whenever you try to have a conversation with someone, they aren't interested in what you are saying. I can be in a very good conversation with someone, and be very interested in what they have to say, but not give any visual cues that would confirm that. If they were self-conscious, they could think I wasn't interested, or they weren't being funny enough, etc. How do you know that you haven't clammed-up/shut-down on someone before, when really they were enjoying the information/input that you were providing?

As to the first bolded point, what made you think they were looking at you strangely? Unless you had some spaghetti on your face or in your teeth from lunch, or you left your tie over your shoulder after you returned from the urinal (I have done this :oops: ) they were probably looking at you like they would anyone else.
 
T

T9D

Diamond Member
Dec 1, 2001
5,320
6
0
OCGuy said:
The....
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The way I know is because that is all the conversations seem to be with most people. Since well, while I'm not participating I'm obviously observing them and the conversation and what it consists of. And If you try to inject anything different it's like turning the lights out for them. And we all know that many women expect because they say that all the time "must be funny and make me laugh". And that's about the top of the list and overrides most anything else. I get that people want to laugh. that's fine. But there should be more than that.

I'd constantly have to be in car groups with people for hours and hours a day. And that's all they would want to talk about is be mr funny man with the funny story or funny anecdote story. I've tried many times to have a real conversation and they really do shut up and not participate and then start making some jokes again like nothing was said. I wouldn't say this if I didn't have solid proof from experience.

How else do I know? Because I can do the whole funny man never shut up bit. And you know what, yeah, that's always what people want and when they want to hang out. That's always when girls like me or even have crushes on me. But I can't stand keeping it up, it's exhausting and shallow. I literally have a few girl friends that have had crushes on me for ages. But I'm ONLY shallow and funny man around them. I never ever interject any depth. And that's like ALL they like. But with the people I do I never get invited back much or they don't last long in my life. Now you could say I should keep doing that, but I don't care, it's not who I want to be, it doesn't make me happy to be that fake, and it's exhausting. I only do it with those few girls because I don't see them constantly and it's just kind of screw off time while drinking some beers. I can do it with anyone if I wanted. There is nothing wrong with me not wanting to be that person. I want to be who I am.

Unfortunately these days people seem to only equate funny and wit with intelligence too. Especially women. So on top of it they take you for an dunce if you don't throw out witty remarks all the time. Anyway yeah you can't fight it. That's just how society is these days. I think I was born in the wrong era. So I just accept who I am and find things I enjoy doing. And have a few decent people in my life here and there that I chat with from time to time. I've given up on trying to be "accepted" by "the group". I think people base their self esteem way to much on how well they are accepted in the groups and how well they think they can entertain others. And they are to needy to constantly want and have to be accepted. It's very freeing when you finally say " I don't care, this is who I am, I don't want to play the game". But yeah sure it's a little bit of a bummer to look around the world and see most of society the way it is and not click with others more. To see so many liking stupid reality shows and making them popular, or only accept what the news tells them, and making stupid choices over and over. Come on you have to admit that most of society is freaking annoying and shake your head at the things they do. And look at facebook, most everyone is on there. I hate it but I use it because so many people I know are on there, but holy crap everything is so super shallow on there. Post something deep or enlightening and nobody will talk about it unless it's an article from a news sight, even then they just "like" it :D

And sure I give the piss on these forums, but that's a different story :D
 
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HeXen

HeXen

Diamond Member
Dec 13, 2009
7,832
37
91
I notice I tend to hate eye contact, especially once it reaches that too long uncomfortable point when there is no convo, for me at least. Nor do I want to come off as intimidating in some fashion with women if I hold eye contact for too long. Always felt awkward to me but if I think about it then I try to do it when talking with someone or make that brief contact to a cashier after they give me change as I say thanks. I'm sure most cashier women think I'm staring at their breasts cause I"m usually looking downwards without realizing it.
 
Stopsignhank

Stopsignhank

Platinum Member
Mar 1, 2014
2,717
2,188
136
HeXen said:
I notice I tend to hate eye contact, especially once it reaches that too long uncomfortable point when there is no convo, for me at least. Nor do I want to come off as intimidating in some fashion with women if I hold eye contact for too long. Always felt awkward to me but if I think about it then I try to do it when talking with someone or make that brief contact to a cashier after they give me change as I say thanks. I'm sure most cashier women think I'm staring at their breasts cause I"m usually looking downwards without realizing it.
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Another reason I hate job interviews, you are supposed to look people in the eye while you talk to them. If I do it for more than a few seconds it almost becomes a physical pain down my spine.
 
MongGrel

MongGrel

Lifer
Dec 3, 2013
38,466
3,067
121
HeXen said:
Not really, forums like texting on phones is not the same as holding a conversation in realtime let alone face to face. Though speaking usually gets your point across far easier and quicker but I think most people enjoy texting more because it's on your own time without the awkward pauses of having someone right in front of you or holding the phone waiting.
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And yet still, I think I've sent maybe 6 text messages in my life on a phone, and hate using phones personally.
 
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