Any introverts/poor conversationalists fixed themselves?

VulgarDisplay

Diamond Member
Apr 3, 2009
6,188
2
76
How did you do it?

I've been trying hard lately to build up my people skills because my work requires me to deal with all sorts of people all day. I feel really awkward about it most of the time, and am looking for ways to improve. Any ideas?
 

MongGrel

Lifer
Dec 3, 2013
38,466
3,067
121
Joining Toastmasters was something my cousin did.

I'm still a pretty poor conversationalist myself.
 

HamburgerBoy

Lifer
Apr 12, 2004
27,111
318
126
Nope. I think I've actually regressed despite being forced into situations where I have to be around people. There is no cure. I can't wait for the day I get to live alone and get to have uninterrupted conversations with myself.
 

Mixolydian

Lifer
Nov 7, 2011
14,566
91
86
gilramirez.net
I honestly believe I have. I mean, I still have nothing to say most of the time, but I no longer feel awkward striking up a conversation with someone. The solution was to just force myself to talk with people.
 

Williz

Member
Jan 3, 2014
145
1
0
Mostly, I just kept forcing myself outside of my comfort zone. Seems to have worked pretty well.
 

DigDog

Lifer
Jun 3, 2011
14,084
2,563
126
i took work as a call centre operator.

anyway, i dont think being introverted is a defect; i'm very much the introvert when the wrong people are around, and frankly, the vast majority of people are. but when i'm with good friends i'm normal, so if there's a fault, it lays with people being dumber than a bag of hammers, not with me.
 

gorcorps

aka Brandon
Jul 18, 2004
30,739
452
126
Practice

Being an introvert doesn't really matter. My boss is very much an introvert, but he's learned how give presentations and talk to executives without issue. Don't avoid chances to interact and you'll get more practice than normal.
 

IndyColtsFan

Lifer
Sep 22, 2007
33,655
687
126
Yes.

When I was younger and in my 20s, I forced myself to work in an IT department which worked with two major call centers (one here, one in the SF Bay area). I wanted to force myself to deal with and interact with people and I made a lot of good friends (many of whom I still talk to) and got over a lot of the awkwardness.

I also took the Dale Carnegie course while there as part of a promotion requirement. Speaking in front of large groups of people is now very easy for me.
 

Scotteq

Diamond Member
Apr 10, 2008
5,276
5
0
Firstly, Introversion isn't something needing to be Fixed. Rather, it's that half the population are incapable of appreciating Their Own Space. :colbert:

I deal with mine in a several ways: The first thing I learned is that having 'A Purpose' which plays to your strengths is key. So - study job & know job = Confidence. Informal party? Take over bartender duties from your host.! Now you have stuff to do other than conversation. :) Work related party? Want to be seen as a 'Mover' - Listen to key people, when you see an opportunity: Remember and Follow Up a day or two later with an email 'Hello Bob, at the party the other day, you mentioned {issue}... I was thinking about that, and... {potential solution}.

Second, as an introvert you're likely better at listening than talking, and usually seek a deeper connection. Turn that to an advantage when you interact with people: Notice something unusual about the person or one of their possessions , and invite them to tell you the story. (neat picture, necklace, whatever) People love to hear themselves talk. :) So let them converse For you. :)

{Important} Schedule Time For YOU - Quiet reading... Hobby... Whatever, and however long you need to recharge. Just this year, I started meditating and have to say I wish I had started a couple decades ago. Try 10 minutes twice a day - (I do Morning and Night) - , and see where that takes you. :)
 

Exterous

Super Moderator
Jun 20, 2006
20,535
3,675
126
Yes although I don't know if this would help but in HS I got a retail job and ended up working in retail through college. Its fast paced interaction with all kinds of people. While I didn't like it at first I got used to it and can now interact quite well with a large personality disposition of people. That said I still find interactions with certain personality types wearing after a while.

Unfortunately I think I stayed in retail a bit too long as I am now a lot more cynical towards people as well

I do also agree that it takes practice and won't be something you can change quickly
 

brandonb

Diamond Member
Oct 17, 2006
3,731
2
0
At my current job, the people constantly have faith in me and push me to be better than I am. When I started here I was really poor at speaking skills. Constantly nervous about talking in meetings, etc. But they put me into a management position and are training me. I lead a meeting this morning with various people in the organization. So I've made progress over the years. I was still a bit nervous, and felt like I was fumbling over words somewhat. Who cares, I did it, and it will get easier and easier each time I do it.

I've talked to my boss about it in the past, and he has no social skills problems. He says he still gets nervous when he leads meetings. Not about speaking. But rather "Are people going to think this is worth their time? Is this meeting bringing anything to the table. My reputation is on the line if I host a meeting and it has no value, so I need to make sure it has value." So he says to avoid that, he just prepares. He goes into the meeting with an agenda. What he wants to talk about. Creates like a list of bullet points to talk about, 4 items or so. Then goes into it, talks about it, and gets out.

I did that. I went into the room 5 minutes early, wrote on my paper the list of 3-4 items I wanted to talk about, and away we went. I made sure to cover each one. Meeting over within 20 minutes. Straight to the point. I learn from him.

Honestly the best thing you can do is just prepare, have an agenda, follow the script.

If you can just stick to what you have prepared with, then you should have more confidence about what you are doing. Then talking isn't that big of a deal. Even people who have good social skills are nervous, they just hide it better. You need to practice, exercise, and overtime, you'll get better. But you have to start somewhere.

Think of it this way. When people communicate with you at work. Be in meetings, phone, or whatever. They are talking to you to gain something. If you are in a meeting, but choosing to say nothing because you lack the skills and are afraid, you will just be a lump of flesh in a seat that brings nothing to the table. If you speak up. You bring value to that discussion. Your aim is to bring value to the discussion. When you think of it that way, you force yourself to participate. You will get better over time. It may take a year or two, but you'll get there. But you have to start somewhere. It's like exercising. You won't lose 60 lbs in a single 30 minute work out. But every 30 minute workout is an investment in your future. Think of your social skills in the same fashion. Make little steps, and over time, you'll get where you need to be. Start with just a simple exercise once a week. Speak up in a situation where you normally wouldn't want to talk. Make small talk with someone at the urinal. "Nice weather out there..." That's all it takes. Practice.

I can talk to most people at my job now with just a slight nervousness. But 10x better than I was 3-4 years ago.
 

foghorn67

Lifer
Jan 3, 2006
11,883
63
91
Pretend you are acting, then everything falls in. After a while, the social anxiety well in control.
 

tynopik

Diamond Member
Aug 10, 2004
5,245
500
126
At my current job, the people constantly have faith in me and push me to be better than I am. When I started here I was really poor at speaking skills. Constantly nervous about talking in meetings, etc.

Talking about 'something' is easy enough. It's talking about nothing (social chit-chat) that's the problem. If I don't have anything to say, I don't say anything, which is a problem.
 

Imp

Lifer
Feb 8, 2000
18,828
184
106
I'm introverted but often think that I'm an extrovert who's shy. I'm very capable at running my mouth when I'm comfortable. Unless I get put on the spot though, it doesn't come out even though I'm screaming at myself to let it out.

My strategy has been to just stop giving a shit...
 

Newell Steamer

Diamond Member
Jan 27, 2014
6,894
8
0
Shacked up with a hooker way back, she set me right.

Been an extrovert/social butterfly ever since then.
 

JManInPhoenix

Golden Member
Sep 25, 2013
1,500
1
81
Had to take a public speaking class as part of my AAS years ago - since then, I have no trouble talking in public.
 

Franz316

Golden Member
Sep 12, 2000
1,015
533
136
I've gotten a little bit better over the years but still not great. If people are talking about stuff that I actually care about and know about, then I can talk for a quite a while. When it comes to filling time with small talk, trouble arises. I'm just not very good at talking for the sake of talking and struggle to keep a conversation going. It's easier after a few beers but still not my forte. Maybe it's because the small talk isn't engaging enough.
 

02ranger

Golden Member
Mar 22, 2006
1,046
0
76
Yes although I don't know if this would help but in HS I got a retail job and ended up working in retail through college. Its fast paced interaction with all kinds of people. While I didn't like it at first I got used to it and can now interact quite well with a large personality disposition of people. That said I still find interactions with certain personality types wearing after a while.

Unfortunately I think I stayed in retail a bit too long as I am now a lot more cynical towards people as well

I do also agree that it takes practice and won't be something you can change quickly

This is what I did as well. It was a convenience store, but same basic principle. I was absolutely terrible at talking to new people, and sometimes even people I'd known for a while were an issue. After working there and being forced to interact with strangers, some who were openly hostile about something, really helped me come out of my shell. Now I can talk to anybody anytime. I still feel a twinge of shyness at times, but nothing close to what I was before.
 

Scarpozzi

Lifer
Jun 13, 2000
26,391
1,780
126
This is what I did as well. It was a convenience store, but same basic principle. I was absolutely terrible at talking to new people, and sometimes even people I'd known for a while were an issue. After working there and being forced to interact with strangers, some who were openly hostile about something, really helped me come out of my shell. Now I can talk to anybody anytime. I still feel a twinge of shyness at times, but nothing close to what I was before.

I did a tech support job where I was working with people from all across the US. I was calling around the US to work with point-of-sale systems that weren't quite right and had to explain to the employees who I was and what I needed. My phone manner got pretty good and it gave me confidence all around.

If you put yourself into a position where you have to interact with people, but have the crutch of what we called 'call scripting', it helps. You just have a set of canned responses that you can say/ask to do the job. Once you get comfortable saying and asking the same things, you can add your own flare to each conversation to make each conversation more personal. Once you can do that with confidence, you can apply it to anything else.

If you have the free time, just get a part-time job somewhere, go through training and quit a few months down the road. Then maybe look into getting another one somewhere else to get another mixed experience.