Am I in the wrong?

[sandmanwake]

Women. If they didn't have boobs and a vagina, putting up with them would be enough to turn any man gay.

 

[waggy]

Originally posted by: JS80

Originally posted by: aleutgrl
Looks like you communicated more to others online than you did to me.....and--I guess indeed the outcome is what you had anticipated it becoming from the very start of our relationship--failure from the start--you had no faith.

Everyone--he has decided wisely to move on--but now he is more financially challenged with having to start from scratch and pay all the dues/fees/pet deposits/etc. I guess no one really won here. Karma. I have a house to sell--and a car to pay off--and equity to put down a new condo "all of my own".

LOL I call bullshit shens. You are most likely underwater on your mortgage as real estate across the country has gone to shit in the last 12 months.

But it's clear OP made the correct life decision because he's not on here asking us how to get his money back on renovations done for someone else's house!

I agree shens.

not just because now she is upside down on the loan (her fault if she is. she does not sound to bright) but the fact that she is even posting.

but yes its clear the OP made the correct decision if this is true.

 

[BoomerD]

Originally posted by: Mxylplyx
I would have told her you will chip in for the renovations after the wedding date. Then a divorce court could have given you your money back if anything happens.

Not necessarily. I worked with a guy who got tangled up with a gold-digging bitch. They got married, she drained him for every dime he had, put him a couple of hundred thousand $$ in debt, then got pregnant with her boss's kid...divorced the guy I worked with and married her boss...leaving my friend deep in debt and not only did the judge NOT give him back a single cent that he's put into her house, he also had to pay child support...even after DNA proved that the kid wasn't his.


OP, I certainly understand your point. If things don't work out between you, you're out whatever money you put into HER house. HOWEVER, from her point, you're casting doubt that the relationship will last.
You're fucked no matter which way you go...

 

[Koing]

This is why getting married is a f0cking mine field.

Unlucky OP, but it looks like you did the correct thing financially but not for the relationship. Yes marriage is a HUGE leap of faith and only one you can decide as you know the person. Sorry it hasn't worked for you.

And WTF I didn't know this was was April 2008 thread being resurrected!

Koing

 

[JEDI]

Originally posted by: Nutdotnet
Fiancee owns her own house. Good structual condition but needed a new roof and could use interior renovations.

I don't own a house. I've been a life-long renter.

She's been renting her house out and, since we're now engaged and getting hitched, thought it would be a good idea to move into her place.

Fiancee wanted to replace the roof, which is needed. Wanted me to split the cost with her. I balked as it is not my place. I explained to her why I feel it's not a good idea for someone to sink money into something that they do not have a stake in. Ie, if I dropped $$$ into the house, and she kicked me out, I wouldn't have any recourse in getting my money back. Why? It's her house.

She sees it as a lack of faith in our relationship. I see it as financial common sense.

She has since decided to renovate the entire house. All at once. She has hired people to do it, everything from new cabinets, flooring, painting, and a new bathroom. She's upset with me because I'm not paying for anything. Her parents asked her if I don't have any money and why she's the only one paying for the renovations. She didn't bother to explain my view and didn't ask her parents to talk to me.

If I had my choice we would have renovated the place piece-by-piece, as we can afford it and do most of the work ourselves. It's not that she has a bunch of money, she had about $100k in equity that she cashed out to reallocate some debt (student loans) and pay for the renovations, which turned from just the roof to a whole new house. I'm more than willing to help her pay for the renovations, as she's paying them off (again, she didn't drop unattached cash down, she's using her equity cash-out to pay for this...meaning she has to pay it back, obviously). I see it as, if I drop 5-10k at once, and things don't work out, I'm immediately out that money. If I'm helping her pay her monthly payment for the renovations and things don't work out, them I'm only out the monthly payments.

What do you guys/gals think? I'm not trying to be cheap, just simply trying to be smart financially. I saw my brother drop 5k for a down payment for his girlfriend's condo and when they broke up, he was out and never saw his money again.

a new roof isnt that expensive. something like $3k. I would do $1500.
but yeah, paying 1/2 the monthly payments is better and SMART!

the bigger issue i see is her cashing out $100k in equity to buy things. BIG RED FLAG!

 

[alkemyst]

A new roof is only "$3000"? maybe on a tiny house with lowest grade shingles....http://www.improvenet.com/Home...D=10294892944249803285

 

[Mojoed]

Originally posted by: sandmanwake
Women. If they didn't have boobs and a vagina, putting up with them would be enough to turn any man gay.

Almost sig worthy! :laugh: :beer:

 

[Gunslinger08]

You're engaged. If you really think there's a possibility of it breaking off, you shouldn't be getting married.

So I see that you have two choices:
1. Give her money and marry her. Stop worrying about crap.
2. Don't give her money and end the engagement.

A marriage is all about trust. Sounds like you have an issue with that.

 

[olds]

Originally posted by: BoomerD

Originally posted by: Mxylplyx
I would have told her you will chip in for the renovations after the wedding date. Then a divorce court could have given you your money back if anything happens.

Not necessarily. I worked with a guy who got tangled up with a gold-digging bitch. They got married, she drained him for every dime he had, put him a couple of hundred thousand $$ in debt, then got pregnant with her boss's kid...divorced the guy I worked with and married her boss...leaving my friend deep in debt and not only did the judge NOT give him back a single cent that he's put into her house, he also had to pay child support...even after DNA proved that the kid wasn't his.


OP, I certainly understand your point. If things don't work out between you, you're out whatever money you put into HER house. HOWEVER, from her point, you're casting doubt that the relationship will last.
You're fucked no matter which way you go...

Was her name Tracy?

 

[RaistlinZ]

Originally posted by: joshsquall
You're engaged. If you really think there's a possibility of it breaking off, you shouldn't be getting married.

So I see that you have two choices:
1. Give her money and marry her. Stop worrying about crap.
2. Don't give her money and end the engagement.

A marriage is all about trust. Sounds like you have an issue with that.

You obviously haven't picked up that this is a year old ressurected thread.

 

[ChanHo78]

Originally posted by: BoomerD

Originally posted by: darkxshade
I can see this engagement not lasting too long

Fixed.

 

[sao123]

Originally posted by: aleutgrl
Looks like you communicated more to others online than you did to me.....and--I guess indeed the outcome is what you had anticipated it becoming from the very start of our relationship--failure from the start--you had no faith.

Everyone--he has decided wisely to move on--but now he is more financially challenged with having to start from scratch and pay all the dues/fees/pet deposits/etc. I guess no one really won here. Karma. I have a house to sell--and a car to pay off--and equity to put down a new condo "all of my own".

well I hate to break it this way, but BOTH OF YOU are in the wrong...

if indeed you are working towards a marriage then you are both in joint, or neither is...

IE... if you expect him to put forth any amount of funding, then he has to have a say in the decision. by beginning renovations on the house before you both were in agreement, signified that you intended to go it alone yourself. So while I fault him for worrying about his own financial well being instead of the relationship, you definately are at fault for moving foreward without him.

/thread

 

[Red Squirrel]

That is a tough one.... I'd say you're in the right though. Then again, even if you were married and you got divorced, she'd get everything anyway. That's how it works.

 

[JS80]

Originally posted by: santz
the OP is wrong here, he could have paid the bill and kept the receipt for in case something goes wrong (aka divorce) and then could have recovered the money by showing proof. the fact that he let it go this far is hard to recover from unless he goes to his fiancee now and apologizes and pitches in the entire amount. She may have taken all of her savings out and probably bankrupted her self, just to prove a point to the OP as how far she can go for him.

Some women can be emotional, illogical beings, some can also be gold diggers, but not all of them. How much the OP and his fiancee are committed and into each other, that should decide the next step.

This is false. Judge would have ruled it as a "gift" before they were married.

 

[BladeVenom]

Old thread, and it doesn't look like the OP posts here anymore. Let this thread RIP.

 

[dguy6789]

Originally posted by: darkxshade
I can see this marriage not lasting too long

This.

 

[Geekbabe]

argh!!! old threads that won't die

 

[SuperjetMatt]

If you're concerned about your fiance kicking you out and you losing a bunch of money, then why are you engaged to be married to this person?

Makes zero sense to me.